It's has been a week since school have restarted.
Nothing changes except my mood.
Well,conflicts starts to arise when there are different opinions.
Let's skip this portion.
Ignore all the unhappiness.


Ai Ping invited me and Shell to her house.
Well,it's has been long since we last met up.
Coz she went for serve trip for 2 weeks.
I think serve trip is really worth going.
By seeing all the pictures she have taken,
I realize it's a waste of not going.
If I have a chance,
I should go.
It's really going to change or rather purify your heart and soul.

Took a lot of ARTISTIC photos before heading to Shell's house.
Good chat and nice dinner at her house balcony.
No more fabulous words nor mushy sentences.
I just cannot imagine what will happen if she really go overseas.
Hope she can get into NUS,so that I can still see her around.


I just hope everything is over soon.
I can get out of this place as soon as possible.
Maybe I will be reluctant,maybe I will miss it.
But I really need some changes.
Some injection of new blood into my life

All this photos are taken by my handphone camera
How I wish I can have a better camera.

Things are not going well.
Not as what I have expected.
I am losing faith.
Losing the enthusiasm in everything.
My current mood isn't going to lead me anywhere.
I want changes.
I am setting myself in mental trauma once again.
God save me,no matter where and who you are.
I am weak now.
I really need some moral support.

For her.

Sometimes our life are wonderful.

We spend hell lots of money on getting ourselves fancifully dressed,

merry making with our friends,

money flows out like endless river.

But what about our parents?

Those who bring us up without a complaint.

I just rebonded my hair,

I just went to sentosa with my friends,

I just went to k box to sing my heart out.

Well,that's not the point.

I am doing all this to make myself happy.

But in the meanwhile, what is my mum doing?

She is working.

She is struggling with her illness.

She is suffering.

I am simply too selfish.

I am simply too childish.

She is an angel.

All this years I just take her for granted.

I always thought she was indebted of me,

that's why she is doing all this.

She gave birth to me,she gave life to me.

No matter how great am I,without her I won't be here;

She was seperated from my dad when i was merely 1;

She brought me up single handly;

She suffered all this hardship all coz of me.

Yet I am comparably useless.

Rebellious;

Lazy;

And even evil at times.

I know all this,

yet I am not doing anything.

I should have done something,

yet I did not do a single thing.

Portraying life is easy,

but we tend to miss out the background.

I have to work hard,

for me and for her.

Becoming Jane

I have read the book pride and prejudice once when I was young.
Back then,I have no idea why is it such a great creation,what is so good about Jane Austen.
Then i read again when I was second 2 if I am not wrong.
I am still too young to understand about Jane's irony and biting social commentary.
Until I watched the movie,Becoming Jane,I realized why it' such a great book.


Certainly,Jane Austen is one of the writer I admired.
Yes,nowadays more people are familiarize with J.K Rowling,Stephen King and etc.
Rarely people will read up on such novels like Pride and Prujudice.
We spent more time facing computer,doing homogenous things that almost the entire world is doing.
Who is concerned about how the world is becoming?



Everyone is getting more and more identical.
Wearing the same clothes,having the same taste,doing the same things and living their live in the same way.
We are just like mass production that came from the factory.
We always in persuit for limited edition branded stuff,
but what we do is so contradicting to what we want.

I didnt' do much things this holiday,
but this holiday makes me think of many things that I never thought before.
I want to be Jane Austen.I want to be like her.
Live the way of her wish,persuing the life of her dream.
Time to get myself motivated and work hard.

Keep the faith

Often,we are lack of faith.
This post got nothing to do with religion,
if there is,it will be related to Xingdanism only.
I have heard of stories,
I have forecasted of things happening,
I have prepared for the worst.

But sometime I just cannot stand the way that some people do things,
I am not a good worker,but i considered myself an efficient end effective one.
I just cannot help it,but set myself in deep wonder:
Did I make the right choice in the first place?
Is it worth it to give up X xxxx for this?

I know my determination will start to shake one day,
so I keep on reminding myself about it.
About the faith that I had.
If i gave up,I will be a loser again.
If i gave up, how am I going to face those angels who guided me along the way?
If i gave up,how am I going to answer to my heart?

Those problems are inevitable.
I got to be strong.
I got to have them overcomed.

Maybe I should really read some bible to study how Christians keep their faith.

Not just a day.

A day is just a day.
But sometimes a day is more than a day.
Finally got to meet up with Yu Rong today.
It has been ages since we last meet up.
How I miss the moments that we used to hang up with one another?
I know sometimes we are too busy,
but I will alway try to find time for all my precious friends.
You are still the most important person in my life.

I still have to work,
though I tried to work less.
My family is not rich,
and I hate to be dependent.
I work,so that I can support myself.
Something are just too hard to be understood.
付出得不到回报，
付出多了，人也会累的；
那么为什么要付出呢？
等天上掉一切下了就好了。

haha..Since I am pretty free at home,so i decided to change my blog skin again.
The previous blog skin is not really nice,I used to it coz I have no other alternatives.
Holiday is ending in 3 weeks' time,it's really fast.
At least faster than I thought.

Logen's idea about 31oct is really going to come true.
I cannot imagine that we spend so much time planning for this crazy thing.
Well,we can only be young for once.
It's not possible for you to do this kind of things when you are old.

Photos from yesterday's outing.


Nicole,Tricia,Rebacca,me and Mei Yi.

BA society. Sadly,not everyone is there.

I pushed away the Daiso stock count job,the person from kelly service is definately pissed with me.I think there is a high possibility I got black listed.
This holiday I pushed away a lot of jobs,which means a lot of money.
But at least I have a more relaxed holiday.
Just a few days ago,I just knew that I am a money chionger in one of my best friend's eyes.
I never thought of that until I saw it on her blog.
Compared to a money choinger,I will prefer to spend more time with my friends and family.
Maybe I am earning less now,but I am gaining more.

Looking forward to 2 oct.haha.

Well,I think my appeal won't be successful.
Nobody has responded me yet.
It's nothing significant,so I shouldn't be feeling too sad,right?

I made a fool of myself by wasting hours and hours on bus to East Coast park,
just to say happy birthday to Justis.
Then went to harbour front to meet the MCs for dinner.
It's our first dinner outside without having any meeting earlier.
Feel so good to hang out with them.
I really glad that I joined BA society in the first place.

I am glad that:
Ppl said I look nice today;
Ppl said that my voice is like singing,hope i won't like talking while singing;
Feng Jie and Co will miss me even if we are not in the same class.
Actually I am getting contented by little things in life.

Actually there are many things that I really want to know,
really curious about how it starts and how people think of it.
I think as one is getting old,one tend to see things from a wider perspective.
So what if you have the entire world?
You are still nothing in everyone's eyes.

Life isn't a fairytale.

Life isn't a fairy tale.There is no definate happy ending.
Retribution.
There's something called retribution.

I thought I can be same class as the others for the next sem,next next sem.
I really like to have their company.
It's a wonderful feeling.
But things do not always act according to your will.

I didn't got into TA28.
I got into TA25.
Initially I enrolled myself into TA28,
now I got kick out.


Maybe it's a good thing,
maybe it helps me to expand my social circle,
maybe it's...
I don't know how to convince myself.
Moral of the story,
I am always the unlucky one.

善有善报，恶有恶报；

Life is blissful if you think it is.

Only when you think life is blissful,
then your life is blissful.

I have been quite happy those few days.
Holiday is really enjoyable when you can basically do nothing everyday.
It's kind of wastful of your youth,
But I like it.
Imagine,
everyday you can wake up in the afternoon or even later,
you have no worries about study,about everything else.
All you have to do is watch drama, eat and watch drama again.
Heavenly feeling.

Of course,I don't do it everyday.
I also cannot afford to do it everyday.


Our ususual chilling out place.

I am a pizza designer.

Went to TCC on thus.
I was lost again.Countless time of me lost in the urban jungle.
After being lost in Shenton for 30 mins,I realize that TCC is just opposite of me.
So smart of me.
Chill and chit chat at TCC.It's really a comfortable place.
No wonder someone like the place so much.

Then we head to sketches at Roberson walk for dinner.
Pasta at sketches is nice as usual, as least according to my preference.
But it seems the portion is a bit small and it's not filling enough for the guys.
So we went Carrefour to buy Sushi.
See how much Sushi we have bought and it only cost us $9.(not $1).
By the way,I bought latern for the sake of celebrating moon cake festival.
But in the end,we never play at all coz it's simply too childish.

Don't snatch my sushi!

Eating sushi in process.

Sushi,Sushi.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

Yesterday i spent the whole night at airport.
Changi airport is really a great place to stay over at night.
u can have nice night scene,great food and also great games there.
Sent Horace,Sylvester,Wen jie and etc for ShangHai trip.

Results released today.I can't say i am happy about it.
At least,I am satisfied.
So what if you have good results?
Nobody cares.
And every hates.
Not because they are jealous,
it's simply because someone is notorious.

Life is so blissful
when you see your life as a blissful one.

Dwelling onto the past

I know it's not getting me anywhere by dwelling onto the past.
Today I saw someone that look likes him at the basketball court.
It just reminds me of the past.
I am a sentimental person.
I can't forget those little things though 6 years have gone.

When you were 13, you can dream with your wildest imagination;
When you were 13, you can treat small vandalism on the table as memories;
When you were 13, you can love with your whole heart and soul.
Now you are no longer 13, we are much older.
Things are getting so different.Someone moved on and some still held back by their past.

At least,I have fonding memories;
It's good enough.
Some people told me I have been too cool this few years,
it's time to get someone.
The fact is nobody wants me,
and I want nobody.
Everytime I thought I have found someone really nice and sincere,
it turnt out to be disappointment after disappointment.
So I have myself to reply on.

Shall end my reflection today.
It's good to reflect,as least you have learnt more about yourself.

Watched Boy A with Sylvester,Horace,Wen Jie and Rosanna today.
Though I have watched some independent or artistic movie at home,
this is my first time watching indie movie in Cinema.
Freakly,I prefer independent movie over normal hollywood movies.
The only thing I don't like about Boy A is the way that camera man place his camera.
It makes me to have headache when he focus too much facial expression of the actor.


I went to China Town last week alone.
Coz I have no money to travel overseas,so I decide to go to China Town for a walk.
Travel along the old lanes, like Cross Street,Ann Siang Hill etc, everything seems pause for a second,life suddenly become so peaceful.
I am so love with old shop houses.If i have the money,I will buy one shop house with all the antique furnitures, those black and white movie poster and one player that can play vinyl.
My dream house

Modern+Tradition

Today's shop house.

Sg at Night


I don't talk much about irrelevant people;
I don't like to be politically correct;
I don't have much talent or not even a single bit;
And I don't try to act as I am so into the movie when I totally don't enjoyed it.

I like to listen to black records(vinyl);
I like to kay bo about my friends and people that I am concerned about;
I like to watch independent and old movies;
And I hate acting unless I am doing it for drama purpose.

In short,I have said my piece.You should have understood me.
It's good to dream,but you still have to wake up and face the reality one day.

Just came back from TXY prizing giving ceremony.
It has been the 4th time being there.
I still remember vividly how I used to be passionate about writing back then.
Last time,
I am so thrilled to see my article on newspaper.
I am so serious about editing every word I wrote;
I am so happy to spend my whole day in the indie music shop on Haji Lane for my black record article.
Now things are different.
The primary feeling is still the purest.

Ting Tsu,Jie Sheng and me.

Fat Chen Shake,he and Yu Chih are leaving for China.



Fan Tuan,Xian Hui,Ying Wen and me.


I know leaving is inevitable.
It's just part of our growing up process.
One cannot stay in the same place forever.
When someone is leaving,only then you realize the importance of the person.
I miss 3F(My HCL class)
Of course my dear friend Jie Sheng,who will be going to the states soon.
Out of a sudden,it seems that many of my good friend are leaving.
I don't want to come to the end of this year.

Yesterday went for NP strings concert to support Horace and Zi Ning.
Because of this concert and TXY ban Jiang,I actually give up my job at Comex.
Which means $$ is forgone.
I don't want to be an irresponsible person,
who breaks her promise for money.
Friends are definately more important than money.
There is no ending for generating money,
but there is limited chance to gather with your friends.
Of course,some people may place money as top priority.
It's up to you how you balance the two things.

Living in memories

I am always living memories,maybe that's why I am so screwed up in everything now.

Today I went for the scholarship preparation programme.
Btw, I am neither a scholar or a director's list holder.
I have no idea why I want to sign up in the first place.
Those stuff the coach have taught is about 25%useful.



When I was inside the room,I suddenly feel my confidence level was falling drastically.
I can't help to feel inferior,lack of confidence,it's unlike the feeling that I went for TDP last year.
I should not do comparison,but I just cannot control myself.
I am ok with the fact that I am screwed.
I just cannot get over the fact that everyone is getting better,I am becoming worse.



I am 19,going to 20 soon.
None of my dreams are fulfilled.
I am not getting anywhere closer to them.
I have no passion,
I have no talent,
If my talent is writing,
why can't I write out a single word after staring at the paper for so long?



I used to believe that as long as one darea to dream,he will have the passion and enthusiasm to achieve it.
Maybe it's totally wrong.
Those aunties who bargain over a few cents at market should have their dream;
Those uncles who can drinks beer at coffee shop at night should have dreams too;
But what happen to their dreams when they are getting old;
Reality and dreams just don't match.
I doubt if we can still have the ability to dream in 10 or 20 years times.



I just feel like a loser.
I want to talk to someone,
but just cannot find anyone to talk to.
Such a loser.



Where is the me?
Where is Xing Dan?
I think she is already dead since graduated from HS.
Now I am only a hollow shell without a soul.

Memories.

Karma

I am not a buddist,neither a Christian.
Well,I do have a religion,which is Xingdanism.
Xingdansim believes in Karma.
You will get what you sow sooner or later.

Yesterday caught movie 4bia with my classmates.
It's the 4th horror movie that I ever watched.
The first one is the eye 2,which is like 5 years ago.
The second one I caught accidently on TV;
Third is Juon which i have no choice but watched in NYAA chalet.
Forth one is 4bia.
Inside the cinema,many people are laughing;
But there is a girl,who got so traumadised, almost go hidding under her sit.
Yes.That's me.
The story line is quite predicable,directors use the ususual horror making techiques.
Most of the times,I know the ghost is going to appear in the scene.
I still can't help to tremble non-stop.

Though I am covering up my eyes,ears and face most of the times,
I still manage to survive through the whole movie.
After I came out of the cinema,I can't even walk properly.
I almost thought I am going to have heart attack anytime.
But i learnt one thing through the movie:Karma.
Don't do things against your conscience,
sooner or later you will get it.
Maybe that's why I am so traumadised.
Coz initially I am supposed to go Night Safari with MCs and SCOs.
It's a rare chance for everyone to get together;
It's a good bonding opportunity;
and I have already told James that I am going;
In the end,due to my classmates' persuasiveness,
I decided to go for movie.

Exams are over.Costing paper is really screwed,I think it's going to pull my whole GPA down.My dreams is gonna burst into bubble again!
I need imspiration.
I want to write something,
I want to join the contest,
I want to write to my secondary school teachers;
But i don't have any inspiration.I don't like works without inspiration.It's fake and lack of emotion.
Staring at the old pieces that I have done earlier,either published or not,
it's still much better than what I am writing now.
Please give me some inspiration!
and a job!

dilemma

Study at my secret little corner in library.Library is so peaceful.It's the kind me peace tat i am craving to have.
Life is like a MCQ.there are so many choices tat u can choose.It's really hard to make a choice.There's an opportunity cost behind every choice.You cannot take both of them,you can only decide on one.
Tmr is last paper.After tat,it will be holiday. i need a job. Any intro?

I am back!!

Yes..Xing Dan is making a come back!
The super determined and super powered Xing Dan is back!
Dun be scared off the ground!
I want to show you how I shake the world!
Muahaha.

A basket of sunny

My blog is too sunny,
but I am often too emotional.

I am a person hard to be contented.
It seems that I am always setting a very high expectation on
myself,my life and the world.
When expectations are not met,
I am disappointed,sad and start to write my emo post over and over again.
I am not happy,but that doesn't mean that I don't wish to see my friends be happy.
If you know me well,you should know what's the most important thing in my life.
It's none other than friends.
All i want is you to be happy.
That's why I will have the famous clause:
I like to entertain people!

Just let bygone be bygone,
no point crying over the spoilt milk.
Those people around you will miss your bright smile if it's gone.

So if you are my friend,
If you are not happy.
Do think of me!
Think those stunts that I have done,
like singing in the middle of the orchard road with my not so fantastic voice,
running like primary school kid in the MRT
my 鬼脸s,
my not so funny jokes.
my funny and embarassing moments.
If you are still not happy,
you can call me.
I can replay those all over again.
I am a joker.I love to entertain people.

SMRT challenge is coming up!
I am so look forward to it.
Last year's SMRT memories.

Buffet is sinful!I just can't resist the tempetations.
Good luck for my exams and everyone's exam!

Save me from myself.

This world is amazing.
Sometimes when you are thinking about something,
the next instance it appears right in front of your face.
I wish if that can always happen.

I am distracted.Cannot really concentrate on my revising.
Not everything is like A math.
You only crave for a pass.
For others, what we want is more than a pass.

Just something to share.
It's amazing that how powerful other people's voice can be.
My expectation is only not to sing out of tone.
whereas



Save me from myself by 黎楚宁.
Hope she will win the contest.
She is my favourite of this season.


Not a fan of him,but have to say he is a great star.
Forever the great star in many's heart.
Though today is not any special occasion.
Nothing wrong with missing a great star.


If we can still hear him to sing again
.Anyone want to catch a mei's concert?

Sometimes we don't aware of the situation we are in.
Somethings are not ought to be said,
but to be observed.

It's funny that how I live my life.

I think I am imaging myself living in US,

that's why I always sleep in the daytime and wake up in the noon.

While,that maybe a good thing in future.

Caught The mummy 3 with ex-JT classmates just now.

It's has been long since I last saw some of them.

Well,I left JT's class for 2 months already.

Of course I can't help to miss his class,JT and all the others.

I am not passionate about dancing as the others do.

I always thought that I have interest in something,

in the end I realize my interest are so minimal,then I gave up.

It has been my typical property for donkey years.

From Judo,table tennis,math olympiad, writting and now dancing.

I am like giving up everything before I become good at it.

Well,just some reflection for the day.It's always good to reflect about yourself at the end of everyday.

Pictures from tuesday's buffet lunch cum afternoon tea.

That's the best meal I had this week.

Smile..Guess what is it made of?

Yes.It's ice cream..Scooping the ice cream in process.

Unglam Photo No 1.You can put that in Stomp and they will be famous.

Unglam photo no 2.

Since wed, I have been feeding myself with bitter guard and soya bean milk.

I am not torturing myself or skipping my meal.

I am just trying out some detoxic method.

Hopefully it can get me better skin and loss some fats too.

I am going live in library again.

Time to study hard,

and stop thinking of things.

I love to be a nerd.

Well,another week have passed.
My blog shall be updated on weekly basis since exams are coming.

I should spend more time in studying for exams instead of wasting my time away.

Yesterday we went to bestie's house to slack coz we dunno where else to go.

Chit chat and gossips,gossips and chit chat.

Staring at the clouds and listen to stories.

How i wish i can spend every afternoon of mine in this manner?

Had Qiang Mai celebration in SPH just now.

3 years. new and old faces.

Everyone changes a lot.

Everyone is becoming better and better.

More and more successful.

More and more people are stepping into the media industry.

Future journalist,song composer,producer.

TXY is really full of talents.

Yu Neng have sold his songs;

Hui Mei had become Amb President;

Cheng Yao had consistent placement in director's list;

Many more talent to blossom.

Though I am nothing compare to them,

my thoughts have becomed more matured.

I am no longer living in the shadow of the others.

Instead,deep down from my heart,I feel so glad to be their friends;

Finally,their efforts are paid off.

Their deserve it coz they have worked hard for it.

Maybe it's time for me to go back to my track too.

I love afternoon.

Being Thankful!

Today is not really a good day.
Seriously.
Then it comes to BA carnival games.
No comment on the games.
Everyone knows how good and bad it is.
But i am so glad that someone said some encouraging words to me when I was feeling down.
Those words really motivates me.
Politics are unavoidable.
The most important thing is be happy.
Yes.I should stop escaping.
Don't let the others affect your determination.
Really have to thank that person for the encouragement.
Help me convey the message if you know that person.
Exams are coming!Have to start study soon.
The importance of a director's list becomes so significant.
I want to go for the California trip.
God Bless me(Provided I can find a God in the first place).
Chances are low low low low.

Everyone is a piece of puzzle.
The world need different pieces of puzzle to form a wonderful picture.

Wrong.

Wrong Feeling;
Wrong Institution;
Nothing is right.
Why must I have so many senses?

Happy Birthday To me!

Yesterday is my 19th birthday.
I had my biggest surprise ever.
On the friday night, Joe Han called and tell me that he had to pass to me something.
I didn't suspect anything coz I am drunk.
Until I reached downstairs, here comes the surprises.
So many water bags attacked me at the same time.
I am totally shocked.
But it's really a great experience.
I am very thankful to all of you to come so far and give me this birthday surprise.

Thank u to:
my classmates for the "19" muffins that have prepared.
Joe Han for the white lies and listening to me;
Ming Jun for the first to attack me with water bag;
Jonathan for trying smashing my face with the cake;
Rebacca for the consistent laughters;
Aishah and Tricia for hiding the candle stand so deep inside the cake.

Also To all those who messaged me;
Ah Man, who first msg me at 0000;
James,Feng jie, Sylvester,Jasmine, Shu Wen, Ivian, Jun Wen, Pei Jiao,Guan Yuan.
And some of the surprisng ones:
Sian Ying, my long lost best friend;
Jie Sheng, who calle me twice before my birthday;
Darwis, who is so busy with his love affairs and Uni admission;
Hui Mei, busy with her media corp attachment;
Even Justis had sent me a littile message(Thank u Feng Jie)

I am really glad to know you all;
Thank u once again!
I don't urge for anything more.
No point wishing for things that are not going to happen.

Depression

Depression.

...

I didn't talk much today.
I am not really in the mood to talk.
Sorry if i have screwed up your day.

I am a mentally unstable,
that's why I have drastic mood swing.
Don't you think so?

I hate reciprocals.
I hate returning of favour.
I hate return on investment.
Life is not about exchange.

Last year this time I have no worries for things;
Now i have plenty of them.
When is the last time that i thought to be best friend called me?
New is always better than old,right?
I have been in TXY for 3 years plus.
Now who remembers me?
I had been a shadow friend for someone for times.
Now not even shadow friends.

I think too much and I periodically commit this fallancy again and again.
Maybe the concussion should cause a heavier blow,
so that i won't be thinking that much.
1 more day to go.I don't look forward to anything.
Nothing surprises, nothing matters.
Life is just a process of dying.

I tried,
I tried,
and i tried.

I failed,
I failed,
and i failed.

Until now I am still in between of trying and failing.
When can i try without a subsequent event of failing.
2 more days.Life is not always perfect.Happiness is all i am craving for.

这首歌很适合形容我的心情。
在凌晨
在凌晨两点十分慌张想，你吸着无法入眠的空气。如果是梦镜也许是幻影，我想沉醉在这里。
常常会发现，你在我的身旁听我当兵的故事很有趣。清晰的感觉永远不会变，而你不在这里陪我。我忘不了你给我最当初的礼物，忘不了你给我最当初的礼物，答应我陪我去寻找我的梦想，到头来我不是你选择的人，也许你是对的。
Almost every word of this song is telling my story.It has been almost a year to that day.
I know i won't be able to let the memories fade off so easily.
It's drawing nearer.I don't carve for surprises.I just hate disappointment.

Just one last dance

There are some unhappiness over the past few weeks,
but now I am much better.Sorry for making people worry about me.
Yesterday morning met up with my lovelies.
People really change over the years.
The surprising news is that Hui Zhen is having a boyfriend.
We are so shocked by that.
Comparing her character back in secondary school and then,
things are so different.


Then went to Bestie's house for some baking.
Initially we only want to make some dumpling,
in the end, we baked muffins as well.
My first attempt,not very successful, but currently nobody is food poisoned by my muffin.





Last dance lesson with Justis. It has been almost a year.Now i had to say goodbye to his class.
Anyway I am not as talented as others in dance.so it should be almost for me to quit dancing.
I should not feel anything,right?
Jenise,Clover,Me,Magdaline and Hui2.


Trying to freeze.
Attempt No 1.(Acutally not number 1 ,we tried many times before that.Maybe it's the 1001 attempt.Who knows?

Attempt No 2.

Finally,but my face is covered.

Singtel San Jie Mei.haha.

See this ghostly photo.(Edited by Hui Hui)Actually there are only 3 people in the pic.
If you see more than 3, you must be seeing things.haha.

12 more days to go.

Ok

Sorry to all, I have been showing bad attitude, temper and black face this few days.
Do forgive me,I am a bit stressed out or some kind of monopause syndrome as I am getting old.
Thanks for all the comfort and encouragement.I will be ok very soon.
The great pretender of the year.
Miss my secondary school days and that sunny me.

Projects.

I don't hate projects.In fact,I love projects.
It is really a test of your ability.
BMGT project gave me so much confidence.
But now the enthusiasm for projects have die off.

I am not a good leader.
I am not a good delegator.
My instructions are not clear.
Maybe that's why i have receieve rubbish work.
Totally trash.But how?
I have to edit.Have to edit through midnight.
I want good grades.
I can't complain to anyone.

Why can't everyone else work as hard as me towards the project?
At least give me something of standard for once.
I am not superman.I am not good at everything.
In fact, I am a good at thing.
The reason that our project is able to get good marks most of the time is my preseverance and hardworking.
Do you feel happy after seeing good grades?
Of course, everyone does.Who is not happy about good grades.
But do you feel a bit guilty?
I am not complaing about how much work have i done.
No point saying all this when you are doing it on "voluntary" basis.
I just hope to see everyone contributes a bit more.
At least be more appreciative of the project spirit.
I can don't sleep,I can dont' eat.
I can sit in front of my computer for hours and hours.
I just can't see us getting bad grades when everyone is aiming for good grades.

I am not a mountain.Can stop relying on me for once?
Maybe my expectation are too high.I should just use to it.
So sick and tired.It will better if i have another accident.
A fatal one will be delightful.

I know after seeing this post, people may no longer want to do project with me.
I know what are the consequences,but i just help to say it out.
Being too frank is not a virtue.
But that's just part of me.
Everyone has a dark side.So is me.

Ignore this post if you are in a happy mood

If you are happy,ignore this post. If you have read this post,don't show any sympathy.

I love to emo.Emo is hobby.
I am a mixed blood person.My blood is a set comprises of elements of sadness,depression and pessimism.
While, I rarely talk about my life,my family and my childhood.Even if i do, I always portrait them in a very nice way.
In front of most people, I am always an enthusiatic, positive and super cheerful girl.
Am i a good actress?I think I am.I am simply a hyprocite who put up a fake mask to everyone including herself.
In life,you got to pretend.Only when you pretend that you are leading a cheerful life, then you can forget about things.
Do i have a happy childhood?I do,but only partially.If i can conclude my life journey using one word,it will be tough.

My parents separated since i was small.The few times I saw them together is when they are quarelling over money issues.
They divorced when I was 4.My father visits me twice a year.Once in the beginning of the year,the other time is during my birthday.He will always bring me a white cream cake during my birthday.
My mum used to hit me when i was unable to reach her high expectation.I learnt how to hold back my tears since then.Everytime she hits me, I often wish I could have a father by my side.In fact,it's just my fat hope.
My beloved grandfather who is really good to me passed away on Chinese new year.Since then,every chinese new year I had is full of tears and unhappiness.
The first time i run away from home is at the age of 9 when i couldn't stand my family or my life anymore.

My family is poor.Last time i used to live squatter areas that can only be seen in the TV.We are forever belong to the low income group.
In 2002, my so called best friend at the times got together with someone i like after she told me that he likes me.In 2002, i realize that capablities is not the only powerful tool,money is more powerful.
In 2003, I celebrated new year's eve alone with nothing to eat.And during Chinese new year, I sitted at the void deck for 8 hours with nothing to eat and no one to talk to as I don't have the key to the place i live.
In 2004, i first knew there is a mental illness called depression and how powerful is the illness of depression.
My mum first fell ill when i was sec 3.I often hide a pen knife under my blanket back then and I used to wish that I could just sleep until the end.There is another major thing happend which really change my view about the world.I am hurt really deeply.Anyway it's just another sad thing.
My mum fell ill again when i was sec 4, when i was taking o level.It's between tumor and cancer.My whole life changed from then.I almost end up in nursing coz there is $800 subsidies for nursing student and my family need that $800 per month.

I told many people that going to poly is my wish.It's due to the fact that i don't like JC life.In fact,it's not.I gave up my top JC dream coz my family cannot afford me to have the dream.Going to poly means i have time to work and i need that income.
I work really hard not purely coz i want to be independent,it's coz that i need that income,i need the income for school fees,for my own allowance.
Dreams are bonded by reality.I tried to run away from reality,but i failed.I keep on running,but reality just hit me down.

From reality, I really learnt a lot.How to hide your tears away from the rest, how to pretend to be strong and how to fake to be cheerful when you are so hurt.
How i wish i can just do what i want to do with no worries regarding the material aspect.
My life is full of excitement,so exciting until sometimes i really cannot take it.I am just a human,not a superman.
Life,can you just let me take a break?I am so tired.Close my eyes tight and sleep soundly is just another wish of mine.

I am not someone full of vengenance.Ignore me,i will be fine tomorrow.Maybe i need to to sit by the sea side for while and get some fresh air.

等一首属于我的歌

刚刚从抢麦回来;
不去Big groove，不知道到底值不值得；
突然好想念第一年的抢麦，三年了，已经３年了。
三年都在的好像只由我和Ｄａｒｗｉｓ。
突然想起好多老人，Hui Mei,Yu Chih,Cheng Yao,Yi Liang,Wei Zheng and Yi Liang.
时间会过，人总不能永远停在原地。
大家都在向前走，只有我还在原地不动；
唯一的收获就是听到有人唱了一首很感动的歌，
虽然不是唱给我听。
我一直都在等一首属于我的歌。

Common test is over.
It seems like everyone is struggling with common test.Everyone seems so stressed out by common test.It is like I am the only one who enjoy about common test period.
Of course i don't like test and exam,i am weird,but not to that extent.
If you have already stressed out by test,what about exams?
I always give people the impression that I am a very free person.
But what you see may not be the truth.
Honestly,my schedule is quite packed.
Study,CCAs,work and in the past TXY.
I rarely have time for my friends,but through things i learnt.
I learnt to manage my time properly,squzze out every free slot to do things of my wish.
Time is limited.It all depends on how you manage your time.
Another thing I have to say it's I am perfectly fine.Don't worry about me.
Though I am a bit shocked by the accident,I am still strong enough to take the blow, that's why I look so normal when talking about it.
Friday's BBQ is fantanstic.I am so surprised that everyone actually wait for me to start eating.Though i rarely said it out,but i am so blessed to know them all.
My favourite place-k box.(Last monday,i am going again with my lovelies next wed.WooHoo)





They start to emo after i sang the song.My voice is really too touching.haha




Graduation 2008.

TA 23 peeps

We dun look formal though we are wearing the blazer.

Future office ladies.(That may not apply to me)

Dinner after CT @our favourite Riverside Indonesian Restraurant.

Good ambience(At least got the riverside scenry)+Good people=One Great day

Not so peaceful day

No.Yesterday I went to dance as usual.
Learnt routine steps,
Practice Dance steps after lesson.
And I learnt something amazing,
which is FREEZE.
After trying for so many times,
I have done it succesfully(but not in a very nice and proper manner)5 times.
Guan Yuan didn't manage to capture it down coz her camera is lagging.
Went for supper with the others.
Along the way something shocking happened!
Me,Guan Yuan,Mag and Shirley took Jian Hui's car;
The rest took bus.
When we are about to reach Bencoolen Kopitiam,
his car crashed into a bus;
Not so bad,
at least none of us got hurt,
except that I think I got a bit of concussion.
When the car bang onto the bus,
I am directly looking at the direction.
I saw the whole process.
Then we feel the swift and heard the drifting sound.
His poor car.

The whole door is smashed and that's where I am sitting.

We sat along the road while the rest is settling the stuff with the bus uncle.
I am still very shocked.
First time that I met an accident.
Out of sudden, I think of so many things.
I think I still should consider myself lucky.
If the bus is driving faster, then the impact will be bigger and what will happen to me?
If I didn't swop place with Guan Yuan in the first place, I won't see the whole process.
It's all fated.None can stop things from happening.
We shall just do what we should do and treasure each moment of our life.
Thanks for everyone's concern.
Guan Yuan,Mag,Shirley,Justis and Many more.
When the whole thing happened, I suddenly think of someone whom I shouldn't be thinking of.
So many peaceful nights that we had.
Cherish your life and live it to the fullest!

Yesterday night i can't sleep after i tried so hard to keep eyelid close.
Maybe i sleep too much in the daytime.
Then i turned on my long abandoned radio and tune to UFM 1003.
And I discovered this good voice.
郭静


http://mp3.gougou.com/ting?cid=EF8FF2E0C7DA66C01D15CF011958313EBB816DFA&ti=0&tit=%E4%B8%8D%E8%8D%AF%E8%80%8C%E6%84%88&singer=%E9%83%AD%E9%9D%99。
Her voice can be sweet,but powerful at times.
It's kind of different from 戴爱玲and张惠妹。
I will consider her to be my 3rd favourite female artist if she doesn't sing those songs like fever.
Then i listen to this song composing programme.
It's hosted by Tan Meng Kee and Ah Ken.
And I wrote this when I am on the way to school.
The story keeps on flashing on my mind.
一公尺的距离，
把心拒绝在门外；
看不到的未来
忘着你背影发呆，
Hopefylly it's not too bad.I am going to continue this tonight if possible.