One more week to the end of o level..
Initially i am quite stressed about it,
but when u really go inside the exam hall,
I feel nothing more than a sense of achievement.
Yes, i am going to do well for this exam.
I am going to be top scholar of the year..
The story i wrote last week is rather stupid.
I also don't know the reason for me to write such a stupid story.
Many things happened this week..
Actually nothing much..
I was converted from Xingdanism to Christian.
Many may said that i lost my princles.
Maybe,maybe not.
I have taken a longer route to reach Christ.
I used more than a year to clear my thoughts and join the Christian Community.
One pastor had said something that moved me.
I forgot the exact phrase,but i remembered it's something about loneliness.
I am feeling lonely and empty.
Maybe i want to have something fill up my hallow heart.
That's why i decide to change.
Next year i am going to celebrate my 18th birthday.
I really don't want to celebrate it alone.
Maybe i made a wrong decision,
but i am not going to regret it..
Coz i have already made so many wrong decisions,
i don't mind to have one more.

Story(part 1)

Got nothing to do, so i decide to write a story for everyone..
过了这么久，我还是搞不清我们之间的关系。
是我单方面的暗恋？还是时间跟我们开了个玩笑？
认识他的时候，我只有13岁。
以前也喜欢过几个人，
但是对他的感觉却很不一样。
第一眼看到他，就知道我们之间就会有什么故事发生。
因为要大家都是要出国的小留学生，所以大家都住在一起。
一起上课，一起玩。
还记得第一次上课的时候，
他塞了张纸条个我。是个蛮好笑得笑话。但是我却不敢打开，也不知道怕的是什么。那时候，我是个很死板的女生。上课的时候就一定要听课，不然我就不给他好脸色看。我虽然很凶，但是他没次都会听我的话。
我还记得他的眼神，他在桌子上刻的字。不是很清晰，但是还是看得出那三个字。
我以为虽然我们之间的关系没说，但是大家新里都是有数的。
可是我错了。这个时候她出现了。
其实她一直都存在着，在我们1之间，只是没那么重要。我可以算是她的恩人。当她被别的女生欺负时，是我收留了她，安慰她，保护她。我以为好朋友就是该这样。
她是个很外向的女生，跟男孩很好的那一种。因为喜欢一起玩游戏，他们之间的关系越来越好。但是我对他们放心，因为她曾经对我说，他喜欢我。不过我只是笑笑。
终於有一天，我不想看到的事情发生了。当我走过我们hostel的公园的时候，我看到了他们。没牵手，但是眼神却很暧昧。我记得那是个星期天。
接着，我决定自己推出。反正自己又不是他的谁，反正自己又比不上她，继续下去又有什么用。
他比我先去新加坡的。他走的三天前，有一次也曾远远的看着我。一样的眼神，就是当初我被吸引的那眼神。我想跟他告别，但是却股不起勇气。信在手里握了三天，直到他走的那天，我才有了勇气。但是一切都太晚了。送他的人太多，我只好远远的望着。我们就这样错过了。。。

TOday we celebrated Hui Mei and Cheng Yao's birthday at SPH.
Simply warming and ordinary.
But i think it's still can be considered as a success.
One conclusion is that i should become an event planner.
It may be a good career i should consider.
It's somewhere i can make use of my talents.
Uncle said he wants to quit his job as an account.
He wanted to become a chinese teacher.
I don't want to say anything about his decision.
Anyway it's his choice.
Maybe he quited coz of the passion towards teaching.
Maybe he just to tired of his current job.
But I think if put me into his shoes,
i will stay on to the job.
Maybe i am more interested in money and finance.

A few JCs open house is coming.
Maybe i shall just go and take a look.
No harm going.
Just waste a few dollars on transport
and contribute to the environmental problem.

Not much to talk about.
Life is still the same.
I don't wish anything to destiory my happy holiday mood.

Super slacker

Yes.I am refering to myself.
the super slacker..
Actually i am quite guilty of that,
but i simply can't concentrate.
So i decide to give myself one more week to rest.

When u r slacking, u definately have more time to think.
To think about anything and everything.
While i want to declare that my post has no hidden agenda.
SO please don't use my post as ur social study source,
nothing can be inferred from the source,
and the source has no purpose.
Maybe some purposes,
but i am definately not referring to anyone in particular.

Sometimes,i am wondering do all human beings possess something call feeling.
If yes, but why some ppl are so happy about toying around other people's feeling,
why someone can be so used to change?
All sorts of changes.
Change of boyfriend,
change of situation,
change of anything.
Especially guys,
why some of the guys can be so fickle minded?
SO what if u r having many women in ur arm?
so what if many women loves u?
U don't know how to cherish at all.
Do all people have geniune feelings?
Maybe only gullible people like do.

Just a short complain,
i am not really happy with the way that the world goes on.
I am going to make changes.
THough it seems impossible,
i will still try my best.

I will become typoon one day.
And before i die,
i will convert all my money to cash.
And BURN them into ashes.
Mayb i will cause a finacial crisis.WHo knows?
Muahahahaha....

Wake up not long after my hibernating.
Still preoccupied with yesterday's memories.
Shell's house is big.
Her parents are nice.
My friends are crazy.
Me, even crazier than them.

It have been long since the last time i have so much fun.
The funny photos and the post that shell put are the best evidence to support my notion.
Maybe sometimes it's really my fault,
maybe i think too much,
that's why i can't enjoy my happiness.
I should learn to change.

Once again, i have to said the same thing
Hope my prelim results can be better than i expected,
hope i can do well for my o level.
Well, maybe hope we can hvae another gathering soon..

My days..

Nothing much to say..It still the same..
Most of my prelim result is satisfactory, except those major ones..
Such as English, Humanities and A math...
Spent my weekend at bestie house.
Her house is big.
No consider huge though i want to say so.
I don't want to sound like a country pumpkin.

Scream along the road when walking Wen Lin and Wan Yin home.
Stressful life!
That's all i want to say..
Really feeling empty.
I think i should update more when i feeling more emotional or more awaked.

TO be continued......

Again..
Nothing much to say..
Finally Prelim is over..
Is it a good thing?
Maybe..
Maybe not..
Nothing is absolutely right or wrong.
This is life.

I change my template.
Hate doing so,
because it's rather troublesome.
And i am someone who prefer old stuffs to new things.
However,there are things that beyong our control.
the old one is not function properly.
So i have no choice,
but change.

The exam is over,
i should be feeling relaxed..
Maybe for this week only..
But i am feeling empty.
My soul seems to be completely detached from my hollow body.

Hope miracles can happen..

haiz..

sigh...
today i am not really in the mood of writing down anything.
While i have been slacking for the past two weeks.
Feels like a pig..
Ready for slaughter..
ANyway not many ppl viewing my blog,
so i don't have to bear the responsibility of updating..
Prelim is coming..
Scary...............

Hope i will do well,
not just prelim,
but O level too.

I want to be the top scholar of th yr..
I want to trash all the E1 and E2 ppl...
If u r my friends, u will understand why i didn't list down E3 and E4..

jia you...
Bless me...

回忆？？？

心情不好。
本来昨日下午我的心情真的很好。
4年了，还有机会看到他们。
真的很难得。
但是还是那句话，
希望越大，
失望也越大。

见到了有怎样，
大家都不知道讲什么。
剩下的只是尴尬。
他还是一样，
除了变得更帅。
一看到他，
真的感觉再次爱上他。

没话讲，
真的没话讲。
在小盈家，
还好有电视来减少尴尬。
我从没想过是这样的结局。

不知道别人是怎么想的，
我真的不了解。
不是有女朋友了吗，
为什么还1要装可怜？
走那么远，为什么还要回头看？
想离开，为什么还装做舍不得？

算了，
一切都过去了。
明天会更好。
从昨天起，
我就不会在有回忆。
我不会再听唯一，
不会在想起过去。
就当是失去记忆，
17岁前的我都忘了。

太多话要讲，
但是又不知道从哪里开始。

真1的很累，
心真的累了。

好久没讲话，
连话怎么讲都忘了。

以为已经不在乎，
没想到其实，
我还是很在意。

不是爱，
我也没力气去爱。
只是一个不完美。

I decided to update my blog again..
ACtually i have another private blog,just for the sake of entertaining myself.
All the posts there are either too sadist or too appealing to most of the people.
That's why i keep it to myself..
Just like many things when i hate to say it, or dunno how to say it,
i will keep them to myself.
Bottle myself up is something i usually do.
Initially it's just a habit,
but now it becomes more than a habit.
It's a must...
It's something beyond my control.
Just like my family matters,even if i said it out,
who will help me?
or rather who can help me?

FOr the past few years, i have been swallowing up all my unhappiness.
I rarely breath a single word of it.
I always pretend to be happy.
I thought it's the way to save myself from being too depressed.
However,it's not the case.
It will never be the right solution.

I am pearl, i am destined to shine no matter where i am...

矛盾

很矛盾。
真的很矛盾。
越来越不喜欢讲话，
什么都埋在心里。
这就是我。
喜欢看爱情零度C，
更喜欢伟翔这个角色。
什么事都埋在心里，
更我真的很像。
有时候，真的对自己失去信心。
我美吗？
我够厉害吗？
我能成功吗？
我能找到爱情吗？
看了太多厉害的人，漂亮的人，
多才多艺的人，我才真的认识到自己的渺小。
原来，我真的不值得任何人的关心。
也许以后的我会去出家，
当个尼姑。
可是我的神不是佛，
我就是我的神。
从不能为了快乐就放弃自己。
也许我会在30岁的时候退休，
隐居埋名，
到泰国的小村子住下。
但是我放得下未完成的梦吗？
我是喜欢平静，
乡下的生活是我的憧憬。
但是一个人的日子毕竟是孤单的。

熟悉的HOUGANG MALL也装修过了。
以前的感觉也不在。
其实，过了这么久，那段日子还是我最怀念的。
我还是一样的喜欢听老歌，
特别是YESTERDAY ONCE MORE。

Black or White

有黑就有白。
灰色只不过是虚假的伪装。

好久都没用华文写东西了。
文字开始强硬，
感情也慢慢消失。
好多话想说，
好多是想做，
但我还是我，
什么都做不到。
17岁的生日要到了，
该怎么度过，
一点都不重要。
反正还不就是那样。
我的生活就是那样的。
简单的小幸福，
就能让我开心许久。
但是我连这样的机会也没有。
也许，我出生之前，
跟上帝作过某种约定。
用一辈子的幸福，
来换取一次生存的机会。
要不然，
我为什么从来都不曾幸福过呢？

也许我把自己的感觉也出卖了，
也许这次卖给的是恶魔。
空空的躯体，
没有一丝的感觉。
也好，
以后就不会有痛苦，
不会有快乐，
不会有嫉妒，
也不会有幸福。

天生不属於幸福的人，
无论怎么挣扎，
他也不会属於你。
天生注定要快乐的人，
不用努力，
幸福就会来到你身边。

Nothing but everything

Nothing much to say..
I am still the same.
AFter today's audition,i realise a few thing.
How horrible my singing is,
how good other ppl can sing.
While let's comment on the judges.
Nothing much to say about Yimin and the girl(I forget about the name).
The one i want to talk about is the Eugene.
He is really very professional at commenting ppl.
And i really look forward to hear his singing.
How good can he singing?

Anyway i won't talk much
coz i really have nothing much to say.
SInce my blog is not frequently viewed,
i don't have to be responsible for any updating.
ANyway i am the only faith reader..
SHould i feel pathetic about the fact i just mention?
I dunno..
ANd don't want to know..

The rotting egg..

AS what Shell says, My blog is rotting..
SO am i..
Recently really too exhausted to do anything.
4 days of consecutive suffering,
make my battery almost go flat..
ANyway i should not be considering that as suffering,
especially when the pay comes..

I find that i am making the common mistakes again and again.
That is trying to be poemtic by using broken sentences.
While i think that's why i can not make any improvement in my english,
but i will still stick to that no matter what..
That's my style..
It's simply me..
The eggy way..

Looking back,
that's one thing i often do.
Letting go of the past seems easy,
but not to me..
I am simply not this type of people.
You can forget something easily,
This shows all those things are not important,
you never take it to ur heart.
On the other hand,
if it's something extremely important,
something weighs almost equvalent to ur life,
will u ever forget it?
Of course no,
just like u seldomly forget about ur ATM password..

My idiosyncrasies are killing me now..
But i will never change..
In the past, i changed too much,
in order to fit into the society.

Maybe because i am too naive,
i thought transformation will help me become a better person.
But it proves that i am wrong.
Once u r changed,
u can never go back again..

Actually everyone in the world is lonely,
some constantly,
some occasionally,
some accidently..

No matter u r married,
attached,
or single.
WE R STILL LONELY..

Handphone,
MSN,
and
what so ever,
are just a tool to keep us away from loneliness,
However,
we often forget one thing,
that is we r never apart from lonely,
we are a part of lonely...

忧郁

突然觉得周围都是蓝的。。
因为心情很烂。
本来以为文化营会是件好玩的事，
结果。。
没话可说。
不过不要紧，
周围的东西对我都不再重要。
没有让我感到重要的人，
事
和物。
一切都失去意义，
好希望自己可以不要这么想。
但是做不到就是做不到。


希望越大，
失望也就越大。
所以我不会再有希望，
那么就应该不会再有什么失望。
过去的，
再想也没用。
现在的，
想太多只是浪费时间。
未来的，
我还没那么多精力来管

Changes

变，
大家都在变。
只是好多时候我们都没发现，
或是不愿承认。
读了殿君的blog，才发现这个道理。
也许我早=就知道，只是不愿承认。
一直以来都活在梦里，
怎么会感觉都现实的残酷？
像他一样，
我也好怀念过去的自己，
过去的日子。
如果能回去过去，
我不愿多留在现在一天。。

Nothing much to talk about..
Exam...

Well, i feel i have done well for the papers.
Not all, but mostly.
Haha..After Superteen, i really feel motivated.
I decided no matter what happened,
i will always remain optimistic.

YEah...Hwa Chong is waiting for me.
I will be the King(For my case, it's queen) of the WORLD!!!
muahahahahahahaha

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