I still have the weird feeling inside.
And it seems to be growing.
I feel so sorry for neglecting many of my friends.
Sorry sorry and very deeply sorry.
Whatever it comes,whatever it takes.

I am a serious person.
I think I am becoming more and more serious.
Things are here and there.
A lot of them.
I got to settle them.

Though I tried to face them with a smile,
sometimes it seems i am just not good enough to handle them.
I am not good at handling people too.
So what am I good at?

I know why I am so reluctant to come back to singapore.
I know why I miss Philippines so much.
It's a trip without worry.
No wonderful it can only be as part of my memory

Had a lot of fun this few days.
Friday finally met up with my Cebu Trip friends,
those from NP and NJC.
The same kind of happiness is back.
Watch the video of our Cebu trip.
All the memories suddenly flashed back.

I know many people shared the same feeling as I do.
Gerlad,Joy,Samuel and many many more.
All of us missed the trip.
All of us missed the heart to heart talk.
Hopefully we can go to Taman Negara together,
so that we can keep the bonding last.

Then head to Jonathan's house for Majhong.
My phone died on me again.
Luckily I still manage to find his house in the end.
I think my luck is really bad.
I forefeited a lot of times in a row.
Anyway it's fun.

Saturday met up with Horace,Hiu Tung,Sly and Kim.
The earth hour is really nothing.
Not all organizations support this kind of event.
Look forward to next friday and every friday.
Coz friday is the day we will be meeting.

I feel weird.
Very very weird.
Hope this weird feeling can be ceased.
And stop growing.

Why so serious?

In this world, you don't have to be good.
You don't have to be serious about everything.
As long as you are good at talking and socializing,
you can hide all your flaws.
That's the lesson I have learnt.

I dunno where I am heading,
am i doing the right things.
Maybe I should just do the same things as them.
I miss Philipines,almost every bit of the those memories.
Especially the genuiness.

I am not happy.
I miss my TA 29 gang.

Had a long chat with Bestie.
I love this feeling.
Always the same topic.
Our conversation has always been surrounding around relationship problems.

Of course, both of us don't have such problems coz we are not even involved in a relationship.
Sometimes I am just wondering am I bringing bad luck to my friends.
Those friends close to me are all single, or attached and broke up.
I haven been single for years.
Though there have been some up and down in between,
I am still single until now.

Sometimes I just wondering if i can find the right person.
I am going to be 20.
Half of my youth is gone.
My love affair is still in vain.
All I had is disappointment and dispair.

If I can have more courage,
If I can have more confidence,
I won't be in the same state as I am.
Maybe I am just not destined to have love.
So just let it be.

I still hope for some lights,
though it's dark outside.

I miss Philippines.

I miss Philippines.

In Philippines, everything is so simple and sincere.

We gaze under the star,

we open our heart to one another,

we show feelings from our inner most heart.



We simply indulge ourselves in trueness.

Everyone knows things will be the same once we are back,

so we treasure each and every moment.



I miss every little bit of Philippines.

Trip to Philippines

I am leaving for Philippines in a few hour' time.
Suddenly i feel a bit reluctant to go coz got so many things are not settled.
And someone have to cover the extra load for me due to trip.
Really sorry about it.
I will make it up before I come back.

Anyway I still have to go for the trip.
Coz it's important.
I know those people going for the trip also know the importance.
Hopefully I will have fun.
This morning,when I woke up,then i just thought of him.
It's always my one sided wish.

A mixed kind of feeling

Sometimes I know I think really too much.
Things happen here and there.
People are putting up too much of a hyprocrisy.
Sometimes u simply dunno whom to trust.

I start to get confused about friendship.
I start to get confused about trustworthiness.
I start to doubt who is my friend and who is not.
Who is true and who is not.
Or maybe they are not my friend.

Tough question.
I am so afraid of being hurt.
I think I am going back to the primitive me.
At the edge of breaking down.
Emotional distrubance.
and What else?
I need my confidence and me back.

突然发现，自己真的做了好多事。
开始怀疑自己做的事情到底值不值得。
从小到大，对人生多很认真，真的很认真，
总觉得付出就有回报。
可是发现这个世界需要的好像不是我这样的人，
只要会socialize,认不认真根本不重要。

对朋友总是太认真，
为了他们的一个微笑，
就算花多少心思也不要紧。
这么多年，我好像都在付出，根本没有回报。
真心都被当做是必然，
必然都成为习惯。

可能小的时候读了太多的书，
对这个世界充满太多的幻想。
其实如果能跟路人一样，
什么都不想，
用一样的公式过生活，
可能就不会有这个麻烦。

好多的时候，我的想法可能都太伟大。
看Slumdog的时候，就想着怎么去帮助印度的穷人；
就算自己在累，也要装着有活力，希望可以影响其它人；
总觉得每份友情都该有人付出，这样才能让它继续，
可是偏偏每次付出的只有自己。

我也是个人，脆弱的人。
不是什么能拯救世界的超人。
就算是超人，也有累得时候。
我也想要好好休息。
我也想要好好享受。

Happy Day

FInally Bamp is over.
I had a good day today.
Had afternoon tea with Hiu Tung, Kim man, Sylvester and Horace.
Chit chat and chit chat and more chit chat.
Then walk around in carrefour and discuss about tmr's plan.
Woohoo.Picnic is making me happy.
I simply want some relaxation of my hectic schedule.

what a wonderful world

I never knew a camp can be so bad.I never knew tat some people are so horrible.I never knew some people are so not them,as what i have known so far.It's seems everything is at my fault.It seems my ability dropped so much after joining this cca. I am utterly disappointed,not jus with myself,but more towards someone.Mayb my thoughts are rather immaterial.It teaches u about trust,honesty and protection.you never know a person's true colour.Tat's life.人心颇测。

My temper is getting bad this few days.
I think my character is shaped a lot by it.
Many people have told me or rather warn me about it,
the fact is I did not listen.I chose to believe my heart.

But now my heart seems is telling me that I did the wrong thing.
I did not have the ability to do those things.
I am too incapapble, to the standard that people have to scream at me at what to do.
Well, it never happen in my entire life.
Now it happened.

Sometimes I really doubt at my choice,
the opportunity cost seems to be really high.
Maybe it's something to make you grow.
One cannot enjoy her life always,
she got to get over some obstructions for her grow.

Soon,it will be over.
I have to preserve through.
No point of fighting over unnessary things,
If people aren't noble, it doesn't mean you have to be like them.

Photos from chinatown trip with Bestie.

I am feeling sorry for many people.
Sorry bestie for not able to celebrate your birthday with you.
Happy 19th birthday!
Sorry for not able to send sister off for her Ireland attachment.
Sorry for screaming at mum due to my bad temper.
Sorry for letting people who pin hopes at me down.

Suddenly I miss the sub-com days so much.

看着旧照片
感动很多，
舍不得也很多，
每天没有他们的日子，
可能真的会很寂寞。

是时候学会坚强的时候，
是时候学会勇敢的时候，
就算自己再懦弱，
也要坚持下去，
不能让周围的失望，
更不能让自己失望，
最不能让梦想失望。

我知道好多时候，
我都想太多。
不知道是大脑太过复杂，
还是里面的程序出了问题。
其实，我要的真的很简单。
一个好梦就让我让我开心一整天。
希望我能做个好梦

Changes in life

Went to Haji Lane last sat with Yu Rong.
Haji lane changed a lot,really a lot.
Not terms of structure,but atmosphere.
Back to 2 or 3 years,when I went there the first time.
I totally fell in love with the place.
It's peaceful, artistic and full of surprises.
I still remember this independent music shop, called Straits Record,
where I spent almost my entire day.
It's no longer there, it moves to somewhere else.
Now there whole street is full of people,
people smoking sisha(I dunno how to spell it).

Everyone changed a lot after graudate.
Many become so busy, until no time to meet up.
I am considered to be one of the them.
The last time I met up with Yu Rong is like 1 month again.
Unlike that time, we used to spend days and days together.
Now,everything is different.

Bestie wrote something on her blog,
which make me feel very touched, yet guilty.
Maybe I simply focus too much on CCAs.
Yes..It's good to be committed.
But,I simply forgone my times with them.
With my lovely friends.
I should spend more times with them.
Friendships need to be nurished.
Fate brought people together, to know one another, to become friends
and to be there for one another.
If we don't treasure it,
it maybe taken away without your notice.

Museum visit is fun.
I will go to more musuems after exam.
I know it's a bit selfish,
but I cannot give up my entire life for one thing.
It will end eventually,
but life still has to go on.

I have a dream

I had a lot of dreams before.
Teacher, president, business woman, poet,singer and etc.
Today i suddenly realize I have a more realistic dream.
If I work hard, it's acheiveable.
I want to buy a house at age of 26.
And I want to be a developer by 40.
Though I have a lot of things on hand now,
i can never stop dreaming.
I want to continue to dream,
and make my dream come true one day.
*Not just in sleep.

Jogging

Just came back from a long jog.

Tired but contented.

I have not been running for so long for ages.

I think I completed aroun 4 Km, at least 3Km plus.

Acutally I ran for 500m, then I felt a bit tired and wanted to go home.

On the way home, then I saw Joel.

Amazingly,he had been jogging all the way from CCK to Bukit Batok.

So I decided not to go back and continue to jog with him.

We went jog around Bukit Batok Nature Park, then went to Bukit Timah,

and then to Hillview Avenue, from there I jogged back home.

In total, I think I have run for around 3-4Km.

And the amazing thing is that I didn't stop, I managed to jog that long at one go.

Haha..I think that's the longest I jog in the past 2 or 3 years.

I shall continue to train, so that can get rid of my excessive fats.

Plus, jogging helps me to destress.

It helps me to brighten up my day and straighten out my thinking.

I brought a small pot of cactus on Valentine's day.

Something like the one in the pic, but smaller.

Hope this cactus can keep me motivated.

Be strong like a cactus and have the resilence.

Exams are just round the corner.

Dunno what kind of grades will I get this sem.

Hopefully it's something of my expectation.(3.9,I really hope)

MA:AD,RFA:A, FIT:A, Tax:A, TDP:AD, UR:A, Bcom:B+

My goal may sounds a bit unrealistic,

but I really hope for that grades.

All the best for me and everyone.

Bamp is the worst camp I ever had.
Nothing is worse than this.
I had the worst planning experience in my life time.
Maybe it's a training.
Train myself to work with people that I can't work with.
****.
I don't scold bad words, but they just come out of my mouth.
I have problem with managing this kind of situation.
I cannot think properly as I used to.
I need help.Angel,help me if there is one.

Some random photos we took last week, after our FIT and Bcom presentation.
With our advisor in LT68E.

Evidence of murder.



Very extra Sylvester

K box price raised so much.

We wanted to go K box on Monday, then realize that it's so expensive.

There must be something wrong K Box's pricing decision.

Don't they know that the economy is bad.

Haiz..There is very little entertainment that we can have.


Monday is Lunar Jan 15th.

So we had Tang Yuan.

It's really funny to eat Tang Yuan outside someone's shop.

But anyway it's pretty fun coz those people that I am eating with.

Today's Sub-com interview is really tiring.
It reminds me of my interview.

It's hard to be a interviewee, it's even harder to be interviewer.

Finally I knew the reason why they laugh during my interview.

我真的该减肥了，才放在自己现在肥成这样。

如果要是睡醒就能瘦下了，拿就好了。

I know that not everyone is so understanding.
Not everyone know that you are busy with a lot of things;
Not everyone know that some of the things are your needs, not your wants;
It's ok.I don't need the world to understand.

This semester is ending soon.
How I wish it will not end so fast?
I will not be able to be in the same class with them again.
It sounds childish, espcially for me.
But the fact of not be able to see them make me sad, sometimes I even feel like crying.

Nobody is going to listen to my grumble;
Nobody is going to go crazy with me;
Nobody is going to sing with me;
And nobody is going to be there to support me,make me feel like someone.
I am back to nobody again.

I felt this way 2 years back, when I was about to graduate from HS.
And this feeling is back to me again and this time round is even stronger.
I don't know will be like next semester.
I really start to regret about my choice initially.
I cannot turn back the time,
All I can do is to face it with a smile and
not give up so easily.

Problems are everywhere.
I just wish this can be over as soon as possible.
现在的我真的太认真，
这个世界似乎需要的不是认真的人，
至少不是我这种人。

Happy Chinese new year!

I don't really like CNY in general,

but since this year it's a good year, CNY should good too.

.

This year is rather a spendid year compared to the previous ones.

I just came back from society CNY gathering at Ziyi's house.

Though sometimes I really feel like giving up,

the feeling of being a society really pulled me through.

I like the feeling of being part of this big family.

Thank the planners for this gathering.

Thank Ziyi for the food.

Thank Jerel for the lecture.

Thank Ming Jun for the "Ang Pao".

So happy to meet up with bestie today.

Though sometimes we will quarrel ,

her chatter is really brighten up my days.

Gang reunion dinner on 31Dec,

Class CNY dinner on 3 Feb.

All this celebrations makes me love CNY more and more.

It's not about the food,it's about the people.

It's about the feeling of being together.

I have dreamt of him yesterday.

It seems like my life ceased in dreams.