A present for myself

I have prepared the best birthday present for myself for my 21st birthday.
I will be going for a 2 weeks backpack trip across South East Asia in August.
It's not just about the trip.
it's about taking charge of your own life.
Finally that I have a say in my own life
and I decide the direction that I want to go.

Bless me to have a safe and fun trip.
May I meet a lot of fun loving and interesting people along the way.
I cannot thank God enough for this wonderful opportunity.

Sometimes you really have to decide for your own life.
I cannot feel more contented.

Grad day

Finally i have graduated.
Does it marks the ending or beginning?
For many things,it marks the end;
But for many other things,i am really not sure.
who knows what is going to happen in future.

Some thoughts for life.Let's say you are only given choice A and B,Choice A is a tougher road.You know it's going to be tough and tried its toughness,plus the return is much less.
Choice B is definitely easier than A.It's a much smoother road and you can deprive temporary or mayb long term happiness.
There is no other choices beside staying out of the game.And you feel like trying out either choice A or B.Forget to mention,choice B is somehow against your usual belief and you don't know what will happen if you take that path.
So which choice will you choose?
It's a tough question,slowly one will find her answer.
I suddenly thought of the movie an education,wondering if it's positively correlated to the situation or otherwise.

Mixed kind of feeling.Confusion+more confusion.
Hopefully it will get clear soon.

我真的很想去找你，
只是我没有勇气。

I don't know what's wrong with me.
Nowadays i get frustrated easily,
feel lonely very often,
lost interest in almost everything i do
and i don't feel happy.
What is wrong with me?
Can someone tell me?
I think i won't cope with it for long if it persist.
God, i really your help.

I shall be crazy for once

I shall be crazy for once.
Take the risk and just do it.
Not going to care about anything else.

In the mood for holiday

I am in the mood for holiday.
Going to Phuket this sunday.
Well.I have been going for holidays for the past two weeks.
I went Malacca on 8-9 May,
then I went to JB last sat.
It seems every weekend is a holiday.

And I am planning for another holiday in July,
most likely somewhere around my birthday.
Ya..My 21st birthday is coming in less than 2 month's time.
I am going to be 21, yet still single..
Perhaps I can write a book in future,
title being "The memoir of the spinster".

It seems that my blog has some overseas reader.
Thanks for browing through my blog.
Please leave a comment after you have browse through.
I will love to hear more voices in my life.

Everyday is a new day.
I look forward to every other day.

I feel bored about my life

Somehow i just feel bored about my life.
Another two more months of boring work.
Some people sold them soul over money,i guess tat i am becoming one of them,but i have no choice.
Can i have some interesting to do?
Can i meet someone interesting?
Another day of boredom begins.

My life seems boring at the moment.
If I write it as a book,
it will definitely turn people off.
What is happening to me?

Where to find the cure to boredom?
Perhaps I have focused on the wrong things all along.
Did I chose the wrong path?
I really have no idea.

I feel lost.
I need some advice.
God, please guide me and show me the light.

I want the sunny me back.
Not the emo kid with distorted thinking.

Me and money

More than one friend has said tat i look very hungry for money.
In fact, I am hunger for money.
My situation doesn't allow me to be so care free as many others.
I can only lead a decent life with my hardwork.
how i wish tat one day when i wake up,i dun have to worry about my living expenses and other fees.
Not really possible now,esp when i still have to care about my mother's old age.
Of course,money can't grant u happiness.But without money,i can never be happy.
I wish someday tat i can stop worrying about money concern,live for my dreams.

Some people just walk in and out of your life like nobody's business.
Their behaviours are more unpredictable than whether forecast.

I am really sick of this life.
Nothing is changing.
For year and years.
The older I grow,
the more worries I have.
How I wish that I can escape from all this nonsense?
Leave this crazy world.
Perhaps that's one of my choice.

My blog is filled with dark post.
I don't born to behave like this,
it's life that changes me.
Sometimes I feel really hopeless and helpless.
Nobody understand my world.
Friends is somehow a superficial word to use.
Of course, I don't care to understand other people's world too.
I don't bother to care so much nowadays.
Who knows how long will I leave?
Maybe this post will be the last.

我真的很努力的在生活，
难道都没人看得到吗？
我好想好想飞，
逃离这个疯狂世界。

Yesterday i went to see chinese sinseh.The sinseh said i am suffering from hormone imbalance. So i went online to check for the causes.
one of the main cause is stress.
Clearly she doesn't know anything about it and it won't make a difference even if she knows about it.
Sometimes i am just wondering why there isn't another one in the family,why am the only one shoulders everything.Life is so tiring,Even breathing seems so hard
When i want to think of something happy yesterday night,it seems i can't.There isn't anything tat makes me happy now.I have lost the ability to be happy.
I am trapped in the depressed emotion again,yet i can't escape coz the reality is so hard and bare.

好多时候，我都在问自己，
我是一个怎样的人。
其实我真的搞不懂。
想做的事情和正在做的事情差好多。
每一天都在为了生活挣扎。
难道我就不能轻松些？

如果我能改变写什么，
我真的希望能让自己有个家，
有个爸爸妈妈的家。
可能就是因为没有一个完整的家，
我才这么缺少安全感，
对世界都不相信。

我也希望自己能名正言顺的懦弱，
不用一直都假装坚强。
最后一次流眼泪，
好像是在巴士车上，
听着寂寞光年的时候。
如果我能让时间到转，
我也不希望自己经历过那么多，
我只希望自己能好好的简单的活一次，
不用在暴风雨里挣扎。

可惜我不能，
人生没有那么多的选择，
人生也没那么重头再来。
错了，还是不开心的，
都没办法改变。
只是勉强的活下去。
我现在的生活只是一种勉强。
关于勉强到什么时候，
我也不知道。

从以前到现在，
我最想得到的礼物，
不过就是幸福。