朋友之间不该是越来越好，
越来越了解。
但是现实好像不是这样，
时间久了，
离有些人就越来越远，
以前所谓的了解都是假象。

乒乓球的年代再现，
仿佛又回到了从前。
我要好好练习。
为我加油。
生日之前，我一定要做12件好事。
这是我送给自己的生日礼物。

Life is beautiful as life is unfair.
Quoted from sylvester.
He was advertising for his phrase this morning.
And i realize the true meaning while i am working in the afternoon.
Life can never be fair.
Those rich kids got grow up, socialising with other rich kids.
Expand their network and get growing rich advices from those peop;e who are already very rich.
In the end, they become richer and this cycle continues)
(While,i am not jealous or being materialistic.It's just a casual comment)
On the other hand, those poor kids like me have to work so hard to support themselves.
Who ask me did not get the scholarship?
so no choice.I have to work harder to earn the school fee for next sem.
My mum is simply too exhausted by her work.
I don't think it's a wise choice to ask money from her either.
Ok.never mind.Let me continue to comment about those rich people.
Maybe can be said as gossip.
Anyway i do enjoy gossiping about people.
Those people made me realize one thing.
Sometimes smile can be so fake.
I bet they truly like one another so much.
Whatever.
Not my problem.
I am going there to work,not to critisize.
Morning went to TCC at raffles place.
Good ambience.
I am really someone who appreciate ambience more than anything else.
The food doesn't matter as long as the ambience is good.
I am making the world even more unfair.haha.

I am still impulsive ,as usual.
When i have the urge to do something,
i will do it straight away.
For example, today i feel like eating sakae sushi,
i skipped my lecture just to eat sushi.
Is it worth it?
I am not sure.
I am simply being too driven by my emotions.
Yesterday i ask Justin for photos during TDP.
Then he transferred to me a damn huge file.
Then i realize how many photos i have took with his not so expensive($1600-$1700)camera.
I have carried his camera around,taking more than 100 photos.
Another example to show my impulsiveness.

Too much homework.I am too distracted by surroundings.
I just want to immerse myself in books.
I just want to run away from all the stress.
Can?
Bestf, i miss u.
Got to many things to share with u.
Hope to see u soon.

奇怪

奇怪，
很奇怪。
感觉很奇怪。
是我奇怪，
还是这个世界奇怪呢？
我就是喜欢做个奇怪的孩子。
我就是可以这样奇怪的开心。

好累

最近我真的好累，
好像回到了prelim的时候。
老病又复发了。
头痛的要死，
可能又要靠吃药来睡觉了。
好累，真的好累。
我好像好像好好的睡一觉，
哪怕不醒来也好。

Holiday is finishing soon.
I haven't been do much things as i expected.
ANyway still quite a meaningful holiday.
Ushering and TDP are two things keep me smiling.
Initially i thought TDP will turn out to be as boring as anyother workshop i had before.
But it's not true.
Especially with those people around.
Every moment is a memory.
Went out with other group people from TDP to watch the legend of the sea.
Seriously,i dunno many of them.
But we still have a lot of fun on the bus.
K box is fun.
But i didn't enjoy that much
Not in the mood to sing.
Today's filming is an unique experience that i will never forget.
Coz i am the director.
Hope it will helpe me to get an A for LMS.
I really put in a lot of effort for it.
Tmr my schedule will be damn packed.
Food race with Ivy,Larry,Justin and whom so ever.
Then having tuition with cute devil.
SOmemore got why qing gong dinner.
Last i have to go for serene's birthday party.
why can't i have a day of peace to rest and study?

Oh.ya.I forget to praise someone for being so considerate.
I am not suaning him,
but just to tell the truth.
He rememebered all our classmates's birthday,
from Kim to Horace and now Zi Ning.
He always initiated to celebrate ppl's birthday.
Haha..He should knows who he is.

TDP seminar..

I am tired. SUper tired.
My eyes are red.
But i still want to blog about the seminar.
Generally it's rather fun.
I do enjoy it.
It somehow boost my confidence.
I think i need to have this type of seminar very often to boost my morale.
There are really a lot of talented or academically bright people in NP.
I can;t believe that NYGH graduates are coming to NP.
Seriously, it rather freaks me out.
But I am not scared.Why should i?
My confidence is back.
I need to open up myslef more,
don't restrict myslef too much.
Then i can be better in my things.
Releash the hidden potential.

My group members are not too nice nor too bad.
We always to have to work with all kinds of people.
It's a good chance to learn.
Got to know some funny people.
Do i look very old?
Justin, from logistic kept on calling me matured,
while i am just one month older than him.
But it's rather great to know him.
He made me laugh all the way through lunch and tea break.
There are some people who i can really click with(that's what i am thinking)
but so sade,most of them are not in my group.
Two more days to go.
Tmr i am going to do stupid things.
haha.wish me good luck

A video only for u..My bestie.

Hey,bestie.I know u r stressed recently.So i made this short video esp for u.
i dun have much time, so the quality of it isn't that optimal.So just bear with it.
Hope u will feel better after seeing the video

Firstly, I have apologise for misbehaviour today.I am sorry if i spoilt the happy mood.I just cannot pretend to be happy after i picked up the call from my mum.
Went out for class outing.Catch the movie Fantastic Four(can't remember the full name)Went to the balcony of the vivo city.Everything seems so fine.ANd then i received the call from my mum.The same threatening tone to urge me home.She have been using this tone for the past 18 yrsFor every little tiny micro thing.My mood was totally destoryed.I can't imagin what she will be going to do when i am homed.The same thing.Parents always think they are right.Esp in single parent famlily,the parent is often more dominating.U have no one to stand on ur side even if she is wrong.What u can do is just listen and stand all the nonsense.

I know bringing me up single handed is a difficult process,but does that means u have the right to designated my life.I am this kind of person.Born in this way, a way that is different from hers.Why must force me to be the typical 乖小孩?i am not means i am not.I can never be one if i am not one.

I am rather rebellious.I am not fillial.I dun buy anything during mother's day.For once, i tried to appease her by scoring well.What did she said?People's parents are giving them monetary rewards for their good results.I dun expect anything of that sort coz i know my family's financial condition.I only want a few lines of praise, to assure me.But what did i get beside nagging and threatening?

I am a little kid.I am childish at times.So if u saw my tears,just pretend u didnt't see, so that i can still act strong.我要当女强人，我不喜欢脆弱的自己。

Being Happy!

Yes.I am back to the happy mood.
Actually being more accurate,i should say that i am trying to bring myself back to the happy mood.
Today i didn't quarrelled as much as yesterday coz someone changed his attitude,
Actually being nice is not easy.
And being consistenly nice will be a more difficult task.
Today Serene invited me to her birthday party.
I didn't expect that she will invite me.
She didn't invite many people from MA.
Feel so honoured and so blessed.
Pretty,chatty,yet u won't feel distant.
Going to buy her a huge present(Must see my financial condition first)

Seriously,i dun want to list out every single thing of my life.
That will my blog as boring as some others.
Sorry for telling the truth.I am a straight forward person.

ANd now i wrote this section especially for my bestfriend.
R u delighted to see this?
I want our friendship to go on forever.
A friendship for life.
So we have to groom it.
I don't want to see us become distant due to difference in school.
It does happen to some of my other friends and me.
I am sorry that i can't stay over at ur house.
Really hope to have a long chat with u.
But we can still meet up,
to catch up with one another.
Dun miss me too much,ok?
U r forever my best best best friend.Happy?
hehe.

I copied this post from my another blog,which is quite old post.But i think it's very me.
矛盾

很矛盾。
真的很矛盾。
越来越不喜欢讲话，
什么都埋在心里。
这就是我。
喜欢看爱情零度C，
更喜欢伟翔这个角色。
什么事都埋在心里，
更我真的很像。
有时候，真的对自己失去信心。
我美吗？
我够厉害吗？
我能成功吗？
我能找到爱情吗？
看了太多厉害的人，漂亮的人，
多才多艺的人，我才真的认识到自己的渺小。
原来，我真的不值得任何人的关心。
也许以后的我会去出家，
当个尼姑。
可是我的神不是佛，
我就是我的神。
从不能为了快乐就放弃自己。
也许我会在30岁的时候退休，
隐居埋名，
到泰国的小村子住下。
但是我放得下未完成的梦吗？
我是喜欢平静，
乡下的生活是我的憧憬。
但是一个人的日子毕竟是孤单的。

熟悉的HOUGANG MALL也装修过了。
以前的感觉也不在。
其实，过了这么久，那段日子还是我最怀念的。
我还是一样的喜欢听老歌，
特别是YESTERDAY ONCE MORE。

Today i am quite happy.
Infa paper is easy.
And earlier in the morning got to see Xin Jian.
The sight of seeing him make me feel happy.
He is always smiling.
Haha..I sound like a little kid.

Had our first class outing.
Dined at Seoul Garden.
Nothing much to say about.
I am neither too happy nor too sad.
I am just tired.
Mentally tired.
Keep bickering with Sylvester.
其实我不介意你们整天开我的玩笑，
只要大家开心。
我不是小气的人。
很喜欢这种感觉，
中学的时候都没有。
大家都懒得理Each Other，
讲话都很少，
谁还管开不开玩笑。


Mum doesn't give me the permission to stay over at bestf's house
coz i am sick.Haiz
AFterall,i am still a kid.
Immature kid,with immature mindset.

Lack of motivation to do everything.
Mayb i think too much again.
Wish me can be happy and always!

Totally Disappointed!

I tried not to be emotional,but i just can't.
Super disappointed!
I can't believe i am such a failture.
I thought that is the last thing that i can excel in,
but it turns out to another disappointed.
Making me feel more disheartening that ever.
Is it how my life should be?
I know i shouldn't be thinking this way.
I am too stubborn.
when many setbacks come at one go,
it simply can crush the vulnerable me to death.

Most of the times,
I tried to be strong.
Actually i have never been strong enough to face anything.
Today i cried.
I cried like a little kid.
It's not a big deal!
Not getting the scholarship is not a big deal!
But for the past two months,
for all the interview i have been through.
I succedd in nothing.
PSP,
Ambassador,
NYAA subcom for the camp,
BA envoy.
It simply indicates that i am a good at nothing.

Is there anything that can help me regain my confidence?
I will be delighted with a small small thing.
One thing i am very glad is that i have meet angels today.
All my angelic friends.
Thank you so much.
I love you all forover.
Wish me good luck.

I just realize i really dunno about many things.
I dunno about myself.
I dunno about others.
The most serious problem is that i dunno what is on my mind.

Nobody make me feel like crying after so long.
But there is one thing make me really want to cry.
After chatting with Darwis,I just realize i really need to do some self reflections.
I should go back to the one that i used to be.
And stop being blinded by materlial needs in reality.
I have been lost for too long.
it's time to find myself back.
The passionate me,
The romantic me,
the one with energy,
the one that can simply ignore the whole world.

Let me comment about my class.
Today i am super sick
Didn't expect all the gals to wait for me outside the exam hall.
I am really touched when i heard that they are waiting for me.
The econs paper is easy.No comments about the exam.
Stay at library before went for the ushering interview.
Supposed to study.
But i really can't study with a group of people.
My classmates started to making fun of me again.
Haha..seriously i don't mind.
They mean no harm.
And only close friends will joke with you around.
Otherwise they will simply ignore you.
I enjoy the feeling with them around.
I dun really care about the result of the ushering duty.
They don't choose me is their own loss.
I am not jobless.

Went home with Sylvester.
Actually it's i don't want to take bus alone,
so i decided to accompany him go CCK and then change bus back to Bukit Batok.
Have this bet about whether there is 187 at the bus stop.
In the end,i lost.
I really dunno CCK very well though i am been there a few times.
I am very poor already.
But no choice.
愿赌服输。

I really hope to get the scholarship.
God, if there is any.Pls just grant my wish for once.
Pls..

I am sick.

Finally, i have fallen into the hand of illness.
I am sick.
It seems i am looking forward to be sick,
so that i can do less things and think less.
But the feeling of being sick isn't good.
U feel like your nose is going to drop out anytimes.
Lack of energy.
And most importantly tmr is common test.
I didn't study much
Coz i am not in the right mood to study.
Wish me can recover soon.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Dunno where to begin.
The entire week i am simply too tired.
Almost everyday there is something for me to feel exhausted.
Luckily holiday is coming.
Otherwise i will die of exhaustion.

Thus went K box with all my dearest working buddies.
I am still singing those old songs that i used to sing.
One thing i am very pissed is about some immature little kid,
who doesn't have a brain to think properly.
I think i have shown a very dark face.
that's why she managed to change in the end.
Not a happy outing.
Partially because of my bloody mood swing.
Not a bad one.
At least i met my dearest wen ting and yu lin.

Met shell and had heart to heart talk again.
Life isn't easy.
no matter where is it.
JC or Poly.
We then started to reminisce about the old days.
About our secondary school classes.
I suddenly miss Alwin a lot.
It will be good if i can see him again.haha

Yesterday Japanese class is super fun.
This is the first time i talk to so many classmates.
In the past, we don't used to talk to one another much.
There are so many interesting people in my class.
One discovery i have made is that the sissy guy(well, i always find him very gay looking)
is not really that bad.
Our speaking test is damn terrible.
Hiroko Sensei was trying very hard to control her laughter when me and my partner were speaking.
I dunno what's so funny about it.
But her laughter finally outburst at the end of our conversation.

Common test is coming.
I am going to study very hard for it.
I want to apply for scholarship again if i dun get it this year.
Wish me good luck..