I wished him happy birthday.
Only four words.
And nothing much.
Things have changed.
So is me.
I feel nothing towards him.
No longer the dependent feeling that i used to have.

I bet he still remember of who i am.
I doubt he will.
I do miss the old times.
WHich is many many years ago.
I am still young and innocent.
I think i can never have such feelings ago.
I am no longer the passionate me.

Do i miss him?
I think i don't.
But i still wish him happy birthday each year.
From then till now.
2003 to 2007.
Being stupid.
I spent too much times and feelings on him.
曾经特别年轻。
That's the only reason i can think of to explain my behaviour.

I know our story can never end.
Being more precise, it's my feeling for him will never end.
He will always be there as a part of mine memory.

Looking forward to Thurs.
Going to meet bestf
To destress in K box.
I think i am simply too stressed for the past few days.

昨天心情很不好。
一路上都不讲话。
当我突然不讲话，
开始唱歌的时候，
证明我心情真的很不好。
不知道自己怎么会这样，
病得越来越严重。
又有哪些不该想的想法。
还好有彬跟我一起回家，
不然我可能连家都回不去了。
我就是这样。
改不了了。

坠落人家的天使，
厌倦的人家的邪恶。
可是失去的翅膀根本找不回，
唯一的办法就是赌上一局。
上不了天堂，就下地狱。

I start to having weird thoughts again.
If i can pursue something that i am really interested in,
if i can find something to commit myself in.

Yesterday's table tennis training is tough and stressful.
I know that i am not good.
But it's the fun that matters.
Why one must be good at it in order to enjoy it?
The world is simply too realistic.
I just cannot stand it.
Maybe one day i will really do as what i have planned.
Find a remote place in the village or mountain,
where there is no competition nor internal conflicts.
wake up with the nature surrounded u.
Feeling so peaceful yet satisfied.
But dreams are still dreams.
We can't keep running away from reality.

Tmr i am going out with Ahka ppl.
Luckily Grace is going.
Otherwise i dun think i will be going.
I am not really close with them.
Spending a night out in Xin Jian's house will be a torture if we dun click.
Wish me good luck for everything.(Sorry, i am a bit greedy)

Down with Luck

It seems i am down with my luck for this week.
The fact is that i am not good enough.
I am just using this as an excuse.

I am feeling useless when i know i didn't get in.
I started to doubt about my ability.
What can i really do?
I have no idea at all.
Congrats to Sylvester, wish he can make it through.
Though i am depressed, there is one thing i am super glad.
That is my lovely classmates.
They know i am sad,
so they tried to cheer me up.
Thank u.
Kim Man, Hiu Tung, Sylvester and Horace.
U all make my day.

Another thing i have to say is that
Han Sen is really super nice.
Monday morning he actually woke up early to send me to school.
(My house is quite far away from his)
So touched.
Really glad to have such friends.
Thank God(BTW do i sound very Christian like?)

I am sad.
Reasons?
Unknow.
I just want to cry out loud.
But how?
When is the last time i dropped my tears?
Long Long time ago.
我忘了哭，忘了笑，也忘记了自己。

Today i was super depressed.
I didn't get chosen for the camp commitee.
Actually from yesterday, i was depressed.
Though it's a small matter, i simply think too much.
But luckily there are friends around.
I am really glad to have them.
There are 4 people who brighten up my day.
Yu Zhen is really nice.
I think he has the potential to be a counsellor.
It would be nice if he changed the way he speaks.
Btw the way he joke around is really....
uncommentable.

Shell Chi called me up though she was so tied up with her homework.
I really miss her a lot..
Haven been seeing her for about 2 weeks.
Bestie,I really do hope u can call me when u r free.
I miss ur voice.
Most importantly, my phone bill matters.

I want to go to Rasa and work.
I miss the times when we were working there.
With so many friends around.
But school is simply too busy.
I dun even have time to rest properly.
Yu Lin was as depressed as me.
Mayb i affected her too much.
I really dun want to see her sad.
I think i really should spend more times with her.
To cheer her up instead of making her cheering me up all the times.

Have dinner with Han Sen.
He is such a nice guy.
I really think it's a loss for her not appreciating him.
Btw i think i know who is she though Han Sen dun want to say.
I wonder if i could have a brother as him
I always do hope to have an older brother.
SOmeone like him.

I should shut down my laptop now.
I still have too much hw to do.
To be continued

Sad

I am sad.
I am very sad.
I just want to cry out loud.

I am questioning my ability.
I start having doubts about myself.
I am experiencing having low self esteem again.

I dunno what to do.
I dunno what to say.
I dunno what to think.

Can someone pacify me?
I really need some support.

真的不知道我到底是怎么了。
我在想什么，
我在做什么，
我一点idea都没有。
邢丹其实早就从这个世界上消失了，
活着的我只不过是给没感觉的机器人。
伤心我不会哭，
开心我不会笑，
失望我不懂得说，
有没有谁能让我再次复活？
哪怕是受伤，
我也不怕。
我真的只想活得想个人，
不是冷漠无情的冷血动物

Interview

Another interview of the week.
I regard this one as a very important one.
Coz money which is the main concern is invovled.
I just got an average for this scholarship interview.
I am quite disappointed.
Dunno whether there will be another one or not.
Hopefully there is another one.

The ambassador interview i had during the week is so much better.
One to one.
Not so stressful.

While on the way home,
I suddenly miss those days when me and bestie jumping around on the orchard road during weekdays.
Those times we were totally over the moon.
Those nights we spent together, chatting with one another.
Memories.
I think i will spend one post just to talk about those things.
Bestie, r u happy to see this?
touched, right?

Time flys really fast.
This is the 4th week of my poly life.
(If i didn't remember wrongly)
Very commentable week.
I have done my first presentation.
Though it's very short and the audience were only my classmates.
I am still very proud of that.
Some clarification problems,
a bit of stutter,
but overall i am still very statisfied.
I want to thank the good lot that i have drawn from Kuan Yin Temple.
For giving me assurance.
And my partner, Sylvester.
We have done a good job.
Oh.ya..I forgot to mention about something.
I wanted to make it formal,
so i wear a shirt.
But my house doesn''t have any suitable skirt for me.
So i wear a mini skirt.
Afterall,i still look very unformal..hehe

Attended the table tennis training on friday.
I think i really have not been exercising for quite a while.
No wonder my body ached like crazy after the training.
I love the training even though there is no coach.
Initially i was playing with the gal from nursing.
She was totally cruel towards the ball, the table and the opponent.
Luckily she was tired to play with me after a while.
Then i started staring at other table to observe how they play.
There is one senior, from BS year 3.(i dunno her name)
She asked me to play with her partner.
Then i began to play with that guy.
Really must thank him for being so patient with me.
I am damn lousy, keep hitting the ball out of the table.
haha..
ANyway it doesn;t matter, it's the fun that matters to me the most

Yesterday the BBQ is quite fun.
Better than i expected.
Have a lot fun while playing the cards.
Poly ppl are scary.
There r some really good drinker.
Actually i am scared too play that game, the drinking game
but since everyone is playin.
So no choice.
Luckily Sky and the others didn't add in so much voaka.
Otherwise i think i will be still sleeping by now..
Ivan was damn suay,
he drunk the entire cup.
I only took a small sip each time.
Aynur came around the end of the BBQ.
I didn't expect her to still remember my name.
So surprised.
She is such a nice gal.
No wonder she can be choosen as Miss BA.
While waiting for bus, yo yo suggested to sing songs.
But my voice is totally out of tone due to the effect of voaka.(Just an excuse)
On the way home, we had a lot fun on the bus.
Serene was speaking in a very drunk way.
Haha..yet she was still claiming she is fine
Luckily there is the someone to send her home.
Otherwise i think i will just sleep on the street.
Tmr is my ambassadors' interview..
WIsh me good luck and all the best

Now i am free and alone at the library.
This is the first time for me to be alone in the library since i was admitted into NP.
Pathetically alone.
But not too bad.
At least i can do some serious business, like preparing myself for the presentation tomorrow.
Yesterday i was too tired to blog,
but a lot interesting things actually happened.
I can't stand those auntie's behaviour.
Kiasuism.
It's just two bottles of chicken essence.
Yet..
Nothing much to say about them.
Zi Peng is so damn funny.
Making me laughing like crzay.
Though he and Chum Lok were calling me names like monsters,
i dun really mind.
Had great fun during the bridge sessions.
The only way to stop Zi Peng crapping is to say out E Wei''s name.
It's a powerful tactic.
Haha...
I am simply being too bitchy.
Today i woke up so damn early for the photoshot.
No choice.
Kai Wen is too busy.
That't the only time slot he is free.
I know i dun look good in photos,
but those photos turned out to be quite nice.
Unbelievable.
I asked Kai Wen how he wants to celebrate his 18th birthday.
Then i realize it seems to be too early to ask this question.
Our birthdays(Coincidenly we were born on the same day same year)
is still 2 more months away.
hehe..I am being too impatient.