My christmas

I had a simple yet wonderful christmas.
Did not went to as many parties as I did last year,
however it is still a wonderful christmas.
Celebrated Christmas on 23rd in Joel's house.

Turkey and me.


Work in Process

Scandal being exposed.

Happy feet or Hong Kong feet.

Gift exchange to Feng jie,hope that she likes it.

Finally a photo of all of us.


Cannot believe that we had been celebrating christmas for 3 years already.
Last year@Kelly's house.

2007@unknown's condo.

Hopefully we can have the chance to celebrate christmas and other occasions together.

Dinner at 313@somerset on christmas is good.
Not just the food,but the companion.
Steamboat at Yu Rong's house on Christmas.
Haha..It sounds funny, but it's not that bad since we have not catch up with each other for so long.

I know sometimes I am lost,
about what kind of person should I be,
what type of friends should I hang out with,
what kind of life style should I lead,
which direction should I be heading to in future.
Now I feel much clearer.
At least I know what I want,not completely,but partially.
If you know what are you doing right now,
you don't have to follow anyone's model.
You only follow when you have no model of your own.

Bless me.

我还是那么的不现实，爱做梦。

坚持浪漫，自由，不平凡。

可能有一天，

我也会从梦里醒来，

接受现实的残酷的挑战。

Happy friday!

Friday is always the happiest in the week.
Despite many mistake I have made today,
I am so glad that today is friday and
I have met a group of wonderful friends.



Friends from altogether 7 countries,including me.
Friends from all different backgrounds, designer,japanese teacher,
exchange student,teacher wannabe,social worker,band player,interior designer.
And the most important thing is I feel so relax and happy to be with them.
Simple dinner at 313@somerset,
Christmas carol in front of Paragon,
tea time at Ochacha.
Even the train ride is enjoyable.

Once again,I start to doubt about my religion orientation.
God has always be in my mind.
I do pray sometimes.
But I am not sure am I really that into religion.
I don't want to lose those friendship because of my fickle minded behavior.


Christmas is coming.
I am so in love with christmas.
It's the best time of the year,
much better than Chinese new Year.
So many celebrations coming up.
From 22nd all the way to 25th,
it is ful of enjoyment.
Hopefully work is not affecting my holiday mood.

I want to be me.
Nobody,but me.
Bless me all the best.

Long Working Hour+$10 mission

For the past two days,
I have been cabbing home everyday.
Which means I stayed until super late everyday.
Supposely to knock off at 6,
I left the office at 12 yesterday and 1030 today.
So tiring.

Maybe that's how real life is going to be.
I guess it's a form of training.
God put us through test to become stronger.
That's how I try to convince myself.
No matter how hard it is,
I will still be strong and face all the difficulties with a smile.

I have been working on this $10 mission.
One week i can only spend $10.
It's quite effective.
I still left with 2 plus inside my wallet and tmr is friday.
Free coffee on tuesday,
free pizza on wednesday,
free noodle, soya bean milk, magnum and chocolate on thursday.
Wandering if anyone is giving me free things tomorrow.
haha.

I am craving for a holiday.

Sorry I am being negative again.

Yes.I am a pessimist.
That's something that I can never change,
unless I can change the way that life is.
My upbringing shapes the way that my life is.

I hate my life since the day that I was born.
I hate to be independent when being independent is part of your life long routine.
I hate acting optimistic when you know you are not.
I hate times when I feel so hopeless.

Yet I know I have to be strong.
What to do when you have such destiny?
All of us are just puppets of life.
Being manipulated uncontrolly.
Things are not under my control.

Maybe I won't be furthering my study
though it is like a dream from young.
Firstly monetary constraint,
secondly family problem.
Maybe I will be living alone from next Feb onwards.
I don't mind living alone.
Then I will find a job.
Perhaps a job that earns me like $1500 per month,
which will take forever to save up for a house.

Maybe I will be happier.
At least I am living for myself,
in the way that I wish life to be.
Not for anyone else.
Maybe I will never have a chance in acheveing my dream in this life.
It will only come true when I am in my dream.

爱情

到底什么是爱情呢？
我不知道，因为我从来都没拥有过。
以前的人，可以一生一世，
为了爱的人放弃一切。
现在的人，恋爱好想吃快熟面，添饱肚子就好了。
有华丽的外表，在加上甜言蜜语的包装，好像这就是爱吧。
这也难怪。
如果结果都一样，谁不希望另外的一半是漂亮的，身材好的，至少看起来也舒服。
时间久了，谁不希望有点新鲜感？就算再爱吃的东西，吃久了也想换换口味。
看到更好的，谁不想试试看？人都是很有上进心的。
热恋中的甜言蜜语到了失恋的时候就变成了谎话连篇。
结婚也不过是为了增加安全感而造成的麻烦。
真的还有爱吗？
可能吧，只是它永远都不属于我。

I am feeling very bad today.
Somehow i just feel like crying.
Work is like the drama.
Fighting,politics and hypocrisy.
I am wondering what type of the person should I be.It seems that good soul always end up in poor plight.
It seems like one must be good at boots licking or so call socializing in order to do well in the corporate world.

Maybe life is the same.
You treat people too well,
in the end you became the one who is being hurt.
也许我应该收起真正的面孔，
不再有话就说，
不再无畏的付出，
不再对别人好，
不再报有任何幻想。
这个世界好残忍，好现实。我不是三好，
没她那么的幸运。
可能我会变成金玲，
谁知道呢？

Still expecting some miracles to happen.

New perspective

When you change an angle, you will see things differently.
Of course,I am still the two sided me.
Sometimes sunny bright, sometimes stormy grey.
It does not stop me from seeing things in a new perspective.
N0 reason for making yourself unhappy.

Work is pretty ok now.
I started to get better with collegues.
Had lunch with my boss on friday.
He drove us to parkway parade.
haha..Free ride and free lunch.
Then the other interns bought donuts for us.
haha..It's free again.
Then my very funny Indian coll gave me some snacks coz I laughed at him.
haha..So I have free stuff for the entire day..

Dance lesson is fun.
More salsa dance this week.
Hopefully I can continue my passion in it.
And my fire does not die off so soon.

I want to go shopping.
I am becoming a shopholic.
Someone,please go shopping with me.
haha..

I am indulging myself in the world of drama.
Real life is full of imperfections.
Drama is the only things to satisfy your wishes.
So why break up your dreams as long as you are happy with it?

I am still dreaming of myself walking on 5th Ave,
Times Squares, Wall streets and Upper East side.
I may be giving it a miss now,
but it does not mean that I am giving it forever.
I will get it, just a matter of time.

Christmas is coming.
Santa,please give me better presents this year.

Today I didn't go to work.
Decided to give myself a break.
Seriously I feel very drain due to work.
Watching Korean Drama at home.
Indulge myself in fantasy.

I am very drama kind of person.
My imagination tend to go wild sometimes.

Maybe I will be good a story write if I continue to write.

But the problem is that I stopped writing for so long.

Now I don't know where to start.

One day holiday is not really enough.

Hope that my attachment will end soon.

I was sicked from Friday until today.
Dunno will I be ok tomorrow.
I think sickness is making my mind going to be sicked.
Again, I start to wonder about my position in life.
Yesterday when i was browsing through facebook,
I realized that one of my friend actually got in Uni of Penn.
Wow.Besides wowing, I don't know wat to say.
My life long dream that people can achieve like so easily.
The questions come again.
What do I really want?
What can I really do?

Salsa lesson later on.
At least it is something that I can look forward to each week.
Nowadays I really lose interest in almost everything.
What is wrong with me?

Christmas is coming in 1 month plus times.
Hopefully this year I will have a wonderful christmas.
My dream kind of christmas.

Had my first salsa lesson on sunday.
It is full of fun.
At least I can relax myself during the one hour.
And Salsa made me feel like a lady.haha.

One moment, I thought that I can fully enjoy my life,my youth.
The next moment, reality hits me.
I still have to struggle so much.
There is not a single day that I can stop worrying about such problems.
When is that day coming?

Tomorrow is a better day.
I will still face it with a smile no matter how hard it's going to be.

I made a plan tat is totally impulsive and selfish.
One can only live for once.
So don't make yourself regret.
No matter what,i am going to do it next year.
I want to enjoy life.
Not merely live a life.
A very good 21st present for myself.
Hopefully everything will go well as planned..

I am at a lost.
My SAT results is really bad,
something that cannot get me to anywhere of my wish.
I don't know should I go for retest.
If I do, I may still get the same result due to lack of time to study.
If I don't, I may not get into any uni with this kind of results.

Of course, I can try my luck to apply for collges with my poor SAT result.
The chance of me get accepted is low,
which means I have to waste about 1K.
But going to college is my lifetime dream since I was 9.
If I don't try,I may regret in the later part of my life.

Even if I can go to the states for further study,
it may not be more value added for me.
Perhaps I will lose more important things,
like friends, friends and friends.
Someone said that don't let your ambition stop you from enjoying life.
I think I am someone who missed out too much for the sake of pursuiting my ambition.

I am totally at a lost.
Maybe I am at the bottle neck of my life.
Nevertheless, I hate to be ordinary.
But back to reality, one cannot be extraordinary all the times.
Even someone extraordinary have to live a normal civilisian life.

It's time to do some soul searching.
Let me find myself.

Disappointed

I am so disappointed about myself.
My SAT score is terribly low.
Miracles do not happen by chance.
Fate does not change as you wished.

Bad day

Today I had a bad day.
Morning I was utterly sleep.
Then it's lunch time.
Thought I will feel better after lunch.
Who knows that lunch is making me feeling worse?
I vomitted out my entire lunch.
Maybe I am ill treating my stomach too much,
now it starts to become rebellious and turn against me.
Most probably have to see a doctor tomorrow if I am still not feeling well.

In my deep wonder once again

I am someone who thinks a lot.
Often I will set myself in deep wonder.
Think about my past, present and future.

I realized that some of my friends are really working very hard towards their goals.
Taking up courses, obtaining the skills needed and getting to meet the right persons.
But how far away is my dream?
I don't know.
It seems there is no accurate measurement of the distance between my dream and me.
I only know that I am far away from it.

Often i asked myself what do I really want?
What kind of person do I really want to be?
I thought I have a clear answer.
But when I got to know more about the world,
the perplexity about answering the question increased drastically.
At least one thing that I am very free is I want to do something.
I want to improve on myself, my family,my world and the whole world.
Perhaps all I needed is a life changing moment,
like all those I had before.
A slightly stronger push to meet my goal.

Tomorrow is always a better day.
Wed is coming.

Just some disclaimer to made before I write everything else.
To one of my friend by the name Sylvester.
I was angry at you the other day coz I was in a bad mood.
That's all and let's get over it,ok?

Seriously I was dreaming if I can own an apartment one day.
If I have my own apartment,
even it's a shoe box apartment,
I will be more than happy.
I will decorate in the way I like,
Invite my friends over for party,
cook in my kitchen,
buy a lot of nice furniture from Ikea,
allow my friends to stay over,
have romantic nights at my apartment,
do whatever you like coz it's mine.
But too bad, I don't have one.
Hopefully I can earn enough to buy a house soon.

All the best for me.

A wonderful sunday

Had a wonderful sunday.
Met a friend from the states.
Arabic American.
Showed him around Singapore.
Listened to his travel stories.
First time being a host to someone foreign.
Hopefully he will enjoy his short stay in Singapore.

Shopped with Mum after that.
I realize that my mum's fashion sense is improving.
She bought me a leopard print top which I was totally surprised.
I guess that I am spending too much since I started working.
Perhaps I should be more effectively in my budget planning and execution.
So that I can start to do what I always wanted to do upon graduation.

Me=Forgetful

This afternoon I wanted to buy a piece of cake.
So I went down to the confectionery shop and picked one.
When i was about to pay,
then I realized that I never bring my wallets out.
How forgetful I am!


Lunched at Kim's family restaurant again.
I was in love with the place.
Perhaps I may sign up for korean dish cooking lesson one day,
just to satisfy myself.

Decided to send SAT score to 6 colleges.
Some of them are too prestigious to be mentioned.
I know the chance of me getting into those are low,
but at least I have a chance if I apply.
If not,the chance will be zero.
Yes..I am going to spend like hundreds of USD to apply.
If I can get in, my life can start afresh then.




The proposal is a nice chick flick.
Alaska is added to my destinated travelling list.
One day,I am going to travel to all the places on my list.
It may take years for my dream to come true.
I will definitely accomplish it before I am too old to move around.
Wish me luck.

It's good to be simple.

Simplicity is a beauty.
Sometimes I really feel that way.
Maybe I spent too much time and effort trying to make myself complicated,
in the end I landed myself in intricated situations which cause more troubles than benefits.
Before I start to do anything,
I will calculate the cost and benefits,
to see whether is it worthwhile to invest in.
That's the problem with me.

If I don't limit myself too much,
If I don't reject everything before it starts off,
then I won't be in my current state.
Let me meet someone simpler,
have a simpler life for the moment.
I simply want to have some simple happiness.

My eye lids are twitching.
Perhaps something is going to happen.
Hope it's a good thing.

Seasons of love

Met up with TDP gangs on wed.
Finally catch up with them after so long.
I made the wrong choice by going for this trip.
Made so many friends, learnt some mang things.

On the way back home,we are talking about making a next trip to the Philippines.
All of us missed the times at Philippines so much.
I really hope that we can go back there together.

Sometimes I really found myself being overly mature for my age.
I am thinking too much ahead of time and age.
People around my age are thinking about relationship,MSN and fashion.
I am thinking about investment, buying houses and reduce the poverty problem.
Maybe that's why I prefer older people than younger ones.


I was having a cold since yesterday.
And it gets worse in the afternoon.
I was sneezing most of the times inside the office.
Maybe that's why my collegues asked me to go home earlier.
When you are sick and tired, then you feel that you really need someone.
Anyway life still have to go on.

I really hope there are some changes.
Some positive changes to life.

突然觉得很寂寞，
不，一直都觉得很寂寞。
什么时候那个对的人才会出现呢？

As a wedding guest for the first time.

Yesterday is a special day.It's shell's brother's wedding day.
Again,I have to comment about how fast time flys.
It's like yesterday her brother is stil studying in Canada.
It's like yesterday her brother just came back.
It's like yesterday her brother just get to know his girlfriend.
Now they got married.
Feel really happy for them.
Wish them all the best and have a bliss life ahead.

I felt like a cynderalla yesterday.
First time I thought that I actually can look nice too.
But sadly I am a cynderalla without a prince.
And everything is back to the same after mid night.
The wedding somehow changed my opinion about marriage and love.
Perhaps getting married is not that bad.
Maybe finding someone right is not that difficult,
you just have to wait for the right time to come.

It's ok to have a simple life as long as I am happy.
Continue to be the happy go lucky newegg.

Grumpy me.

Went for the class chalet, which I didn't enjoy.
Reason being XXX.

Sometimes I am really wondering what is my role in friendship.
A joker or entertainer?
Perhaps maybe I am just not good at socializing.

Sometimes when you feel down, what you need is some assurance or encouragement.
instead of negative confirmations.
I was not expecting much.
What can I expect?
Sad to say,my friends are making me feeling worse.
I am not someone confident.
What I need is definitely not constant criticism.

If you are building your happiness on me,
then drop the idea.
I am not born to please anyone.
There is a limit to everything.
I thought friends are meant to communicate with one another,
share woes and wealth.
But I guess maybe it's not in this case.

Ignore about this unhappy part.
I am not going to care much if it is not worthwhile to care about.
I was totally in love with Korean food.
Sat I had dinner at this Korean restaurant at Upper Bukit Timah Road.
Nice atmosphere and great food.
Most probably I will be going there again in two weeks times to celebrate Sis's birthday.

Since the start of attachment,Mum is treating me nicer.
She even gave me 200 dollars for shopping coz she doesn't wish me to get cheap clothes.
When I told her that I want to go for rebonding or facial,she even agreed.
That's like a total change of her.
But I start to find myself really lucky to have a mum like her.

From the start of my internship, I start to pray every night.
I guess maybe I will be back to God again.
I may not be a faithful disciple,
but it's good to have a religion to lean on when you are feeling desperate.

Sat is coming really soon.
I am seriously hoping of a desirable grade.
I really need a change of environment.
To start everything afresh.
Be a new person.

Going for shopping after work tmr.

End of my first month of attachment

It has been a month since i started my attachment.
Work is pretty tiring,esp the long travelling time.It's draining up my free time.I don't have much time to study for my Sat when there is only a week left to the test date.
Some small problem at work.I don't understand why some problem are trying to make things complicated when peace is more desirable.Should we be helping one another instead of killing each other when we are all in the same boat?
I am going to attend a wedding for the first time of my life.Thank my bestie for the invitation.It's my first time to be a wedding guest. I was simply thrilled when she called me.Now the problem is wat should i wear for the wedding.
People around me are treating me too well.I am so afraid tat i will get myself indulged in this unhappiness for too long and when reality hits me,i get hurt again.
But anyway i am happy for the moment.And i will keep myself happy no matter wat will happen.

Caught the movie the holiday on sunday.
I still enjoy watching movies.
The holiday is plain yet nice.
It made me feel like going for a holiday too.
Hopefully somewhere in the near future I can head down for trip to the Europe soon.

I start to like my internship.
Not the place, the work or the colleagues,but those intern girls.
Every dull day is being brighten up by their companionship.

Somehow I find men in their 30s are quite attractive.
Sorry I am having weird thoughts again.
Not sexually!Ok?
Hopefully I can meet someone soon.

Looking forward to reunion with old society members and sunday's party!

There is a saying goes like when God closes one door, he will open another one for you.
Sometimes only you are in troubled situations, then you will realize all the good things around you.
I guess it is really true.

For the past few days, I feel so dreadful about work.
Then I realized that actually there are a lot of good things around me.
For example, the intern girls.
I simply enjoy every lunch or the MRT ride home with them.

After listen carefully to the intern stories of my friends,
I realized that mine is not that bad actually.
Maybe I will feel better if I divert my attention to other areas.
I think I am just not used to the coldness of life or work.
But it's a good training for me to undergo.

Had a nice chat with Yulin on thurs.
Coz I feel so stressed at work.
Sometimes I actually envy her attitude.
I simply walk too walk in the journey of life,
there are lots of beautiful things I have missed out.
I should have lowered my expectations by miles.
Happiness maybe more important than achievements.

Friday had a good time with those friends from Ivy's church.
Get to know a lot of new friends,
friends from different countries and background.
They are so warm and friendly.
Guess maybe sometimes next time I will go back to the Philippines again if I can find someone to go with.
One more thing is that I am really thankful that I got to know Ivy.

Have to rush for my report.Then I can go out with my lovely friends at 3.

Today I managed to meet up with Yu Lin.
Have not seen her for a year plus.
Coz last time we had some cold war.
Then our friendship paused for a while.
Luckily it continues now.

We had a great afternoon.
Catching up with all the old memories,
like two elderlies trying to remember their younger days.
We talked about almost everything,
childhood, guys and even gays.
It just like last times how we used to share our thoughts with one another.
I hope this feeling will last longer.

Met up with Logen after that.
It suddenly pours heavily.
Moral of the story is that Singapore is not sheltered everywhere.
You should bring at least an umbrella when you go out.
haha..Secrets are meant to be hidden.
So someone better be careful with his words.

I am trying to be pleased by every little things in life.
Or perhaps I should learn to free of my hearts.
Let my heart to decide what I want instead of my brain.
Maybe some miracles will happen.
Another working day tomorrow.
I am not so stressed about working anymore.
Just don't feel like waking up so early.

Moving again.

I am moving house once again.
It just made me feel like a strayed cat.

For years and years,we have been moving.
Everytime when I feel I am so used to it,
then we have to move again.
For the past 20 years, I never have a home.
For the earlier 13 years, we do have a small house.
It is more like a little box, but it's better than nothing.
Many will not understand how it is like not having a home.
You feel that you belong to nowhere.

It's ok not to have a house of your own.
It's not so ok to not have a home of your own.
Though I am not a family oriented person,
I still have crave for a home.
A home that belongs to me.
Somewhere that I can find warmth and harmony.
It is more of a riducule than a reality.

Maybe it explains why I don't wish to get married or I feel so insecure all the times.
I guess family background really have an impact on a person's life.
The reason for me to appear as a strong and sometimes dominant woman is
because I have no choice.
I have nobody to depend on,
I have to be strong.

Sometimes I just feel it's tiring.
All you can do is nothing but striving to be the best.
I tried so hard to raise my wealth profile and social status over the years,
yet there is no improvement at all.
And I lose more than what I gain.
Today when i was walking on the street,
I simply feel like crying.
What do I have such a pathetic life?

But I am 20,I cannot cry anymore.
I am no longer a kid.
Tear are for kids,not adults.
Even if I cry,it will not make a difference.
Hopefully it's going to push me further,
so that I can study harder for my SAT.

If there is God,then drop me a nice man from the sky.
I will be more than glad.

It's not that bad,actually.

Now I feel much better about work.
Though I have a lot of workload, I realized that there's the way life is.
People pay you to do work, not pay you to slack around in the office.
I am simply stressing myself out by picturing myself being burnt out by work.

Today we went lunch with our team.
First time after two weeks of attachment.
Usually I will have lunch with my fellow interns.
Though I don't really know what to talk at my table,
it's still a nice lunch.
There are some reason for the awakard silence, hard to be explaint.

Amazingly, ice man talked to me.
He is quite friendly though he doesn't talk much.
And I managed to chat with Jolly on the way home from work.
I don't really feel that bad after all.
Oh ya..Eye candy looks cute today.
He looks nice in both formal and casual wear.
When you are handsome, you look nice in everything.
I think I can never have a chance to talk to him
though I am not sitting not very far away.
Coz I always look so dumb in the office.
风景用看的就好了。

American boy is one of my favourite song.
If you read the lyrics, you will understand why I love that song so much.

Suddenly miss the show of sex and the city.
I watched the whole 6 seasons during the exam period.
no regret coz it is really a nice show.
At least it's my type of show.

It's a city that I often dream of.
I want some glamorous moment too.
Eye candy is so cute to look at.
He simply brighten up my days.
(I think I sound like a pervert,
but it' ok.)

Feel like learning something new

Though my work ends quite late sometimes,i still feel tat i need to learn something new.People often commit the mistake of being changed by their surrounding.No.I want to change the surroundings.
Three things i am interested in
1.Kickboxing
2.Tennis
3.Ceremic art
I can decide which course to take up.My time and resource can only allow me to learn one.
So it will be great if my friends who are browsing through my blog give me some advice.
My dream is so near yet so far.

Take it easy

It has been a week since I started my attachment.
Life is pretty mundane,nothing surprising.
I am so happy to meet my friends on wed and thurs.
Finally some relief from work.
Friday had a small party at the company.
We managed to take photo with some big shot.
Haha..

Learnt from my friends, take it easy.
I shall adopt this attitude and pull through the entire attachment.
My attachment is not so bad.
Let me list down the pros to make myself happy.
Firstly,I am posted to a rather reputable companies, it ranked 12th in the fortune 500 companies.I should be glad to become part of it.And I am paid quite decently.
Secondly, my colleagues are rather nice. They have been teaching me patiently and help me whenever I have encounter some problems. Though they never invite us to any of the team lunch, I still have lunch with the interns.

Thirdly, my job actually exposed me to the use of complicated software, I will explore the software and maybe from there I can learn something about trading. Plus I got the chance to meet a lot of fund accountants from other department, some of them are pretty nice.
Forthly, though I may not used to hang out with some people, I guess it's a good training to
brush up on your interpersonal skills. One doesn't have to be true all the times. Sometimes a little bit of hyprocrisy will make your life easier.
And most importantly, I can see my eye candy everyday.
He is simply cute.
I am not fantasizing about him in the ways that Horace had said.
But I don't mind those things happen to me either.

I need to cut down my calories intake.
Sitting in the office wholeday is making me fat.
And once again,I am moving house.
When you don't own an apartment,
that's a routine you have to go through.

I am still dreaming about my dream.
Maybe the reality is just too cruel,
that's why I simply refuse to accept those things.
I don't want life to choose me,
instead I want to choose life.
I want to choose my own life.
Bless me.

3rd day of attachment.
I just feel that suddenly I miss my past so much.
Why can't I be a happy go lucky girl anymore?
What's the problem with me?
I need help,like seriously.

Random

很多人都在等，
等一个对的人出现，
可是如果花了一辈子的等待，
那个人还没有出现，
是不是就等孤独的度过一生了呢?

如果世界上的人都变了，
是不是你也要变呢？
或者你能有改变世界的力量？

Though things change,I still believe one thing.
Good guys go to heaven, the bad ones go to hell.

明天就要去实习了，既兴奋又很担心。不知道同事们好不好，不知道工作做不做得来。
这个星期都在玩，花了好多钱哦，看了好多韩剧。上了班就要开始省钱了哦，这样的化明年才有钱去韩国走走，或者是去日本。(不过韩国比较现实，日本太贵了。)
这几天都没有读书，这样下去可是不行的哦，下个月就要考试了，考不好的化就浪费的我的100块了，所以说以后每天在上班的路上都要读书。

My goal for the next 30 years.

Today when i was running,I suddenly thought of my goals.
Who do I really want?
What have I achieved so far?
I am a goal oriented person, so I think it will be better to list them down.
So that I will know, my friends will know.
I hope it will help me to stay focus, and not too drift away too far.

By 21 years old
-Travel to 5 countries or more
-Start my first major investment
-Get into my desired uni
-Learn a new skill
-Keep fit

By 30 years old
-Purchase my own apartment
-Take a gap year to travel
-Have a memorable romance
-Be my own boss
- Master 3 or more languages
-Travel to at least 10 countries

By 40 years old
-Become a socielite
-Have my own real estate company
-Own a holiday villa overseas
-Donate money to charity
-Be featured by times/forbes/newsweeks magazine
-Publish my own book

By 50 years old
-Own a farm
-Set up my own foundations
-Build a school
-Own an island
-Have someone precious to travel around the world

Optional Goals
-Get married
-Have kids
-Be divorced and remarried

Must try things
-Parachute, bungy jump, diving, backpack holiday, sit in a private jet, date someone romantic

Haha.Here's some of my goals.I know some of them are rather far away from my current life,
but I know I will achieve it somedays.Wish me good luck.

Attachment is starting soon.My free and easy week is going to be over soon.

Life economist

Though I am not taking economics this semester, I still love economics.
And I often associate life with economics.

Today I came across something rather shocking.
As I was browing through the net, I read this cabby cum PHD's blog.
A Phd from Stanford Uni is working as a taxi driver?
What is wrong with the world?

Or perhaps if you think it from another angle, there is nothing wrong.
The Phd or years of research work was sunk cost.
Though history serves as a reference to the future,
it does not have any real purpose.
You maybe someone significant in the past,
but you are nothing to tomorrow.

Life is not complicated, you have to be an all rounder to live it through.
It's either you choose life, or life choose you.
I cannot stop wondering about me, my future and my endless wonders.
Am I being too dramatic?
Is it because I read too many books or fictions when i was young?

It seems everyone around me is getting attached.
After so many years,I am still single.
Will I be left on the shelves forever?

Now 1.16AM in the morning.
Some thoughts suddenly come into my mind.
I have to note it down.
Afterall I realize though I am 20, I am only 20.
I still got have a long road to go.
So why I am worrying so much?

Advancement in brain mechanism does not mean that you have to switch on it to full power everyday.
Live a life like a 20 year old.
Don't stop dreaming.
Continue to dream it big and wild.
So what if there is very littile probability of it coming true?
There is endless potential ahead of you.

I am trying to motivate myself to believe in myself again.
Jia you for exams.

My self declared holiday

I was having headache since yesterday,much due to the stress caused by the upcoming exams.
So today after bcom solution selling call, I decided to declare myself a holiday for one day.
haha..Yes..I am always declaring holiday for myself.
Bcom solution selling call went better than I expected.
At least Leonard is not that strict this time round.

After taking a short nap,my prolonged headache continues.
In the end,I ended up watching drama fior the next few hours.
Meteor garden is so nice though I watched it many times.
It satisfies every girl's fantansy!
让我又一次发花痴。
偶尔发发花痴也好啦，
至少能放松一下嘛。

Korean's version's boys over flowers is equally nice.
I simply can't resist Kim Bum's smile.
It reminds me of someone.

Yesterday night I was listening to the radio,
I came across this method of removing blackheads.
YES.It's so soda.
You simply mix some soda power with water,
and put it on your nose with cotton wool.
It really works!
haha

虽然我没有全世界，
虽然我可能什么都没有，
但是我还是可以拥有幸福的机会，
一个人也可以很幸福。

哈哈，要去跑步咯。我最爱跑步了。
跑步的路上又很多帅哥可以看哦。

I was browsing through Ikea catalogue just now..The idea of owning an apartment appears again.How i wish i can own my apartment?Then i can decorate it as i like,invite my friends over for afternoon tea or simply watch DUD with some beer and snacks.
Haiz.but tat's out of question for now.
I want to buy a house.The sooner,the better it is..

Reflection

I know i need to reflect about myself,about the way I live,about the reason why ain't i happy about things.
I am too used to be lucky.In the past,I often able to find ppl to help me in most of the areas.All those different encounters i had made me think tat's the way the life is like.In fact,it is not.Not everyone's life is like what is shown in the drama.I am simply too romantic or rather dramatic.
My problem is tat i often care too much about the past and about the future,not the present.I wasted my present away with regret.
Live each day with a smile,then life will smile at you back.The thing i am lacking is a smile towards life.The reason tat i am so lucky and have so many people's help mayb due to the fact tat my character is rather impressing.I was confident,resilent and positive.Now all things were gone.I need to get those things back.One's luck is really limited,mayb there is even a quota on it.I have used too much of my luck in march and april,tat's why i have so little left.so i can't reply on anything else,but me.我要振作起来，我要快乐起来。
I think someone may really have quitted school.Not fated.

Bcom is next friday,I have yet start to prepare my proposal and etc.
Who ask me choose such a difficult industry?
To those who have not done Bcom yet, choose something that you know.
Don't try to kill yourself with your stupidness.

Attachment posting is out.
I am going to citi bank.
Happy and not so happy.
Wondering where some people are posted to.
Back to do my bcom again.
I guess I have to spend the entire week doing bcom.

My boring life

I guess that my life is rather boring these days.
Sometimes I often got bored by myself.
I miss the feeling of being packed with stuff.
I have not been going out with some of my friends for so long.
And the fact is I am even lazy to ask them out.
Oh,God.What's wrong with me?


Well, now the only way to release my boredom is to take a trip to supermarket.
I am so enjoyed the feeling of walking around in huge supermarkets, like giants or NTUC fair price or carefour.
Maybe it's a habit from young.
I used to enjoy hanging around in supermarkets for hours and hours,
supermarkets made me relax and happy.
Sometimes I spent enormous sum in the supermarket, buying things that are not necessary.
From groceries,ingridients to household stuff.
Maybe I am just a boring person, that's why i found so much fun in doing all this.

Life is rather stressful this days,
exams, projects and study for SAT.
Sometimes I just feel like giving up on SAT.
But if I want to start afresh in somewhere else, then I have to do this.

Tuesday had a chat with the principal and some other seniors who came back for TCP.
It made me realize that I left with nothing,so I have to work hard.
If you really want to become somebody,then hardship is an inevitable process to go through.
Yes.I want to be someone.
I want everyone to be proud of me.
So I should stop being negative and lazy, start to push myself further.

力量

我不知道自己有多大的毅力，
我不知道自己能不能坚持下去，
可是我知道自己不能放弃。
力量，给我力量吧。
让我能坚持下去，
让我离成功再近一步吧。

Amazing grace

I guess my brain is structured a bit differently from the others.
Especially people around my age.
Sometimes unrealistic ideas just come out of nowhere
or it is because I has been taught in a different way,
a way that expose you to truth of life.

I watched the movie Amazing Grace at 3 am in the morning.
Movie is a great source of learning.
It tells the story of a compassionate young man,William Wilberforce,
fighing for the abolishment of Slavery for his entire life.
The final bill is passed not long after his death.

It made me start to think once again,
what is the meaning of life when you are all your world?
We should live not just for our selves,but to make a difference in others.
The issue of poverty is always bothering me.
Maybe I should and had to do something.

But sadly,I am not Wilberforce,
I don't have a William Pitt to be with me.
And I can't act freely when I am struggling with poverty problems myself.
However, it doesn't mean that I can't do anything.
Tough time do not last,but tough people do.

One great quote from the movie:
Remember that smell,
Remember Madagascar,
Remember that God makes man equal.

Refuse to be ordinary

No point of looking back at yesterday and regret about not doing certain things.What you should do is take control of today.
Sometimes I am confused about wat to do and who i want to become,sometimes i even hate myself for not conforming to normality.Sometimes i wonder aboutu right or wrong and yes or no.
But what if everyone is stick to conformity,what if everyone live for the sake of living.
Of course,sacrifices have to be made.But there is definitely things to gain.At least when you die,you won't regret for wasting your life way.
I am going to live the way I planned,so what if everyone else don't agree.
I want to be somebody and i will be somebody.

Learn to appreciate every little things.

I was surprised yesterday.
Thank you for the efforts you guys have put.
I really appreciated it.
And what else can I ask for?
Thank God for having such a wonderful group of friends.
I wish this feeling can last forever, at least for the next few years.

Met up with lovelies on Wed.
Finally everyone can meet together.
haha..Look forward to steamboat next week.



I guess sometimes I am giving myself too much pressure.
Demanding too much from myself.
I should learnt to appreciate every little things around me.
Not everyone can be billionmaire or famous.
There are lots and lots of commoners, who are also satisfied with themselves.
So what if you are not better than the others?
Though I am thinking this way,
I still want to give it a try.
At least there is 50,50 chance.
Hope my wish can come true.

My last post as a teenager

Of course, I can't stop myself from feeling sad about certain things.
But I guess that's the way life is.
Soon,I am no longer a teenager.
And I should stop myself from thinking as a teenager.

Let's look at the bright side.
Nothing is going to change even if you grumble.
So why waste the effort?
It's time to change about your thinking.

Let's all be selfish,
invest only when you see a return.
No point being a good soul.
No point to put in real feelings.
What you get in the end is only hurt and disappointment.

Come out, time to face the reality and cruelty of the world.
Stop living in that self illustional world.
20 is the right time to get some real taste of the world.
If not, you will still think that everyone is kind and true.

Being true and sincere will not make a difference.
So why make the extra effort?

No expectation, no disappointment.

Sometimes maybe we should provide doubtful debts for friendship too.

Sometimes you gain some and you lose some.

I need a job!

I am in need of a job!
In particular, a tuition assignment.
Oh God, please me let me find 1 more tuition assignment,
so that I can have some spear money.

There's a lot of things i want to do:
1.Buy some new clothes, I am so broke until no money to buy clothes.
2. Buy a tennis racket, even second hand ones will be good.I want to learn tennis.
3.Go for a hair cut, my hair is totally disguesting now.
4. Meet up with all my lovely friends, be it K box or just simple lunch or dinner.

Bless me to find a new tuition assignment soon!

Saw Liu Xuan on TV.I think he is cute and of course, charming.
Why can't I meet someone like him?haha..Dreaming in my wonderland again.

My volunteering experience

I started to do volunteer work at KK hospital about two weeks ago.
Today it's my second time doing volunteering work there.
My job is simple, just playing with the children in the ward.

Children are meant to be happy,to be free and to be healthy.
But not those children at the hospitals.
Obviously they don't smile as bright as those in this photo.
I know some of them are sad,
for the fact to be stuck in the hospital,
for the fact that they are sick.

The first day I volunteered did not expose me much to the hard side of life.
I thought they are just seeking treatment, after that they will be fine.


But some of them are seriously ill.
I saw a kid inside the lift, laying on the bed with an oxygen mask to help her to breath.
Her mum covered her eyes for her, so that she don't have to get nervous when looking around.
I can hear she breath,I know that she must be suffering.
There is another kid inside the ward, who is really naughty.
He gets aggressive sometimes,I couldn't understand why.
Then I knew that he is a special need kid and he is a regular of the hospital.
It won't feel good to be a regular of the hospital.

I know that I may not make a difference in their life,
but i think it will make a difference in mine.
Recently my WISP tutor showed this great movie,Hotel Rwanda.
You should really appreciate your life, at least we have the rights to enjoy our life.

Finally met up with sis after she was quarantined for 1 week.
She took lots of picture of London and Ireland, which makes me feel like going.
I really think it's time for me to think for my future,
and to be independent.
I have been too overly reliant.

20 is approaching.I don't think I am going to make any wish this year.
What is the point of wishing when wishes don't really come true?

I hate being fat

I am fat.Really really fat.Looking at the scale of weighing machine,it almost made me fainted.Why aren't I slimming down despite my active efforts in losing weight?Yes..i am going to eat less and exercise more..i don't mind being a bamboo stick,it's so much better than bearing all the fats..
Claw common test is disappointing.I have the lowest mark in my entire poly life.I guess it's time for me to put some efforts into my study,rather than dreaming unrealistically..

Can you just leave me alone?

Stop pressing me on.
Can you just leave me alone?
I want a life,
not a dog's life.
Well,sometimes I think I am leading a life worse than a dog.

All day long is about money,money and money.
You think I am not troubled by financial problem.
You think you are the only one?
How much more freedom you want to restrict me?
I don't hate life actually.
You are the reason made me hate life so much.
Sometimes I really wonder what's the point of me living in this world.
Continously earning money and paying debts?

The reason that I wish that I go to uni so much is to get away from you.
Someone like you have no life,no friends and no achievement.
You want me to be life you?no,I won't and never want to.
Paying school fees and housing me is a big deal,right?
Then I should just quit school and get married.
Then you will be happier,right?

Don't worry.I won't die so early.
I will pay back all the debts.
All this year you have spent on me.
If adversity are making people grow,
I rather not grow.
It is continously torturing me.
Losing my rights as human.

Sometimes I rather myself to be out than at home;
Sometimes I rather myself to be orphan than having such a family;
Sometimes I rather myself to be dead than alive.
Life is simply torturing.
I can't take it any more.

Sometimes I envy people,
having a family,
being pampered,
leading a normal life.
I can't.Maybe from the moment I was born,
I was deprived of this chance.

How I wish to have a father?
How I wish to have a family?
How I wish that I have no more worries about this?
I want to be a teen.
A happy teen with a normal life.

不要错过了才开始懂得珍惜

最近我不是很开心，自暴自弃。
其实，我不该这样，也没有理由这样做。
我身边也有好多好的朋友，好的机会，
只是我都不懂的珍惜。

从小到大，我只会怨天尤人，
怪老天给我这样的生活，
怪老天给我这样的我。
其实我有的真的很多，
刚出生我就有也一个青梅竹马的好朋友，鹏鹏。
小学的时候，也遇到一位很好的老师，肯栽培我，给我机会。
到了中学，也没有人欺负我，朋友也不少。
没费什么劲，就进了通讯员，认识了很多朋友，长了不少见识。
O level完了，出去做工，也很幸运的得到照顾。
到了Poly,就更不用说了，又一群不错的朋友，和让我找到自己的ＢＡＳ。
到现在，我认识了１３年的朋友还在海的另一边关心着我。
我有什么理由不开心呢？

很多时候寂寞是自己造成的。
不开心又不要说。
朋友怎么会知道。
因为自己的懒惰，不小心，
失去了很多很好的朋友。
如果在多用心一下，你就不会错过他们了。
Huan Lin, Hui Mei,Yulin,Wen Ting,Jia Yue,Tang Wei,Yu Zhen,Sian Ying,Cai Ying,Jie Sheng,Han Sen,Justin,Ivy,Ciel ，and etc
原来真的很多。
都怪自己一时任性，一时不懂得珍惜。

我想告诉自己，
也告诉看到这个Ｐｏｓｔ的人，
不要错过了才开始懂得珍惜。
希望我能记得这句话。
希望我能振作起来。

外星人

20岁的我，
没saving, 没好的成绩，也没男朋友。
很想遇到中年危机的感觉，
虽然年龄还没到。

梦想那么大，能力那么差，决心那么小。
讨厌跟正常人一样，但是有没什么特别的地方。
除了性格奇怪，我还有什么跟其他人不同呢？
如果我是外星人，
我就能远离这个地球，
回去那个属于我的世界。

Finally went to sing karaoke on Saturday.
It's has been ages since I last went to sing k.
Though my singing skill is really bad, I really enjoy singing, especially going k box with my lovelies.
Singing is definitely a better form of expressing myself.
I am always hoping myself to be a freelance song composer, write my feelings into the song, let my love ones to feel my emotion.
But obviously that's not going to happen, I know nothing about song writing and I don't really have the talent in composing.

Chilled at Anderson Icecreams.
Then I saw Alwin and friends.
Have not see him for years,ever since I graduated.
But I didn't manage to get a chance to talk to him, or even let him notice me.
过了这么久，
原来我们都变了。
我只想问一句你好不好。
=

Plain like water

My life is so blend now,as plain as water.I don't like it.God,give me some flavouring to make it tasty.

Skipping lecture is addictive.It's the third week of the school.I have not been to a single audit lecture yet.I am so fond into skipping lecture..Though i missed out a lot of things being taught in lecture,i feel more peaceful.Maybe tat's the weird thing about me.Hopefully my grades won't be pulled down by skipping lecture though the possibilities are high,so tat i can continue to skip lecture at ease and lead my very peaceful life..

Photos,memories

Today I was looking for thesaurus,then I discovered my secondary school graduation autograph book.
A photo of class 4E5 2006.
I have not seen many of them since graduation, including those friends I used to hang out with.
Time drove people apart.
While browsing through the autograph book, I saw a lot of good comment.
3 words that are most frequently used are smart,funny and weird.
That's their impression of me in secondary school.

I was delighted to see those comments.
My friends and my teachers think very highly of me.
I was good back in secondary school.
Smart, funny and with good attitude most of the times.
But what happen to me now?
I have been not seeing those friends for centuries.
I chose to believe that I am a piece of trash when I am not.
I chose to live in agony, abandon my dreams and hopes.

Humans are contradicting most of the times.
at least for species like me.
Sometimes you told yourself to be good,
but you give up a while later, thinking of all the bad points about yourself.
Time to reflect.
Time to do something.

其实我真的有点舍不得，可是决定了，就不能后悔了。

I hate school

I hate school.
Though some modules actually managed to grab my attention,like audit 2 and AFA,
the fact of going to school doesn't entice me.
I don't feel good attending lectures and even tutorials.
I hate going to school all alone,
feeling like a nobody,
hanging with people of different frequency,
not getting the attention as I used to have.
The feeling is not good.

Yes.Life got to move on.
One cannot stay onto the same place for long.
But I don't wish my final year to be this way.
Maybe it's my attitude that hinder myself from moving on.
I am too used to be who I am,
I am too used to be arrogant and not taking the initiative to make friends.
Everyone else is changing to be better, only me is getting worse.

Today I gave it a miss to meet my fellow villagers.
I am tired and I am feeling really sucky if that's the correct word to use.
I think my life is in a mess, neither here or there.
It there's any way to change it, I will do it.
Now the problem is I cannot find the way, I am lost.

I am going back to the same old job.
Working in the banquet department is something I detest,
Reason being I hate the fact to let my pride to be humilated and trashed by those managers.
No choice, I need a job.
If I want some changes to my life,
I need money.I hate where I am now, so I need to change.
If I want to retire at age of 40, I need to do something now.

I need to talk, I need to cry,I need to let it all out.

People that I love to hang out with.

Short of Xue Feng.That one that is missing forever.

My house's internet is a bit problematic, that's why I can hardly upload any pictures.
Well, I think this semester that I should go on with a new direction.
Do something that I always want to do;
Do something that I always like to do.
I want to slim down, have a nicer figure than my out of shape body.
I want to look nicer, so that...
I want this and I want that.
And I am going to start doing them now!

Thursday is coming!Me love thursday!

Empty

I never feel so empty.Now That's how i feel.First time attending lecture without my gang.Suddenly there's nobody to joke with me in the lecture hall.Suddenly there's nobody to go crazy with me.
Suddenly i miss them so much.
Mayb it's good for me to learn to be independent.I have become so reliant on them,tat's why i am feeling so empty now.
A semester of training for me to get use to the adult world.
Imagine a life without society,without my gang,i don't know how am i going to take it.

Back from chalet

Just came back from society chalet.
Well,I tried a lot of new things.
Fishing, cycling from east coast to changi and looking at trans in the middle of the night.
Of course, i had fun though it's not all the times.

I don't know what is happening to me nowadays,
at some point of time, I will just set myself in wonders.
Like before I go to sleep, when i was fishing and when i was gazing at the stars.
I tried not to think too much and just talk and behave like a normal person.
But this weirdness in me is making me behave abnormally.
My mentanlity is simply too dramatic, far off the ground.

At least,I have answers for a few things for myself.
1.Should I join back MC?
I won't.It's definite unless something exceptional happens.Though I miss the unitness and sense of achievement,However, the other side of joining the society cannot be neglected too.
It's constantly making me feel insecured. Sometimes it just make me wonder who is my true friend and who is not.I am already someone who is feeling so insecured almost all the times. I don't want to make it worse and I want to do something I like,for example, volunteering work, traveling and learning tennis.

2.What is happening to me?
I think I am getting more and more paranoid, even little things are making me worried. I found it hard to trust people.I found it tough to talk to people seriously. And I found it hard to believe in myself. My emotions are not properly controlled. Any unhappiness I will just dispose inside me. Singing isn't working anymore.

3.Will I ever be in love again?
Most probably no and highly unlikely no.Firstly,I am not attrative,in terms of appearance and character. If I am a guy,I won't be interested in people like me. Secondly, I am still dwelling too much on my past. I think it had a very huge impact on me, on the way I handle my relationship and my one sided love. When i passed by places like changi airport and east coast park, the memories flashed back to me again. Though there are inmaterial, I still cannot resist to think about them. I can picture myself being alone in 10, 20 or even 50 years times. It's ok to be alone especially when I have been alone for so many years.

School is restarting soon.New semester, new attitude and new me.

Confused, sad and disappointed.

I am confused now.
Coz I don't know what choice should I make.
It is worse than last year.
I like this feeling.
I hope to make it last.
But at the same times,
I also miss the feeling of being free and easy.
There's a lot of things I need and want to do.

I am sad.
Coz the year 3s are leaving.
We can hardly to see them around in school already.
I can still remember vividly when I was year 1,
when Jerel was my ASCO and SF.
I also remember when I was sub-com,,
the year 3s are there to guide us.
Now they are going to leave us.

I am disappointed.
Coz my hairstyle is really weird.
Obviously that's not the reason.
I am disappointed with my class.
I thought I was going to be the same class as someone.
But then I am not.
Not fated.
And I think I can stop dreaming.
I always dream too much.
Time to come back to the reality.

All about BAOC

BAOC 2009 is over.
It's the 3rd BAOC I have been through.
BAOC 2007 I was a performer;
BAOC 2008 I was a subcom;
BAOC 2009 I was the vice president.
Different roles, different feeling.



It's a tough journey for this one year in BA society.
All the thick and thins.
Sometimes, I feel really lousy and wanted to give up.
Luckily there are friends who supported me and guide me along.
Thank you so much.
Through this one year, I think I really learnt and grown.
Not just become more experienced in events planning,
Also become more sophiscated and matured.

Now everything is over.
I feel both relieved and sad.
Relieved as I have my freedom back,
I don't have to bear with people I don't like.
I feel sad as it's over.
We can rarely gather together again.
Good times do not last.
That's why they are kept in memories.

I wanted to write more about BAOC, about BA society.
But there are too many things on my mind.
About people, about my life is BA society
Maybe I shall write another times when I am feeling more peaceful.

Friday met up with my lovely friends.
Every friday is the day I love the most.
Though I gave it a miss sometimes due to some reasons,
I know how important they are to me.
A true friend worth a thousand times than those so calle friends.
I am glad to found them in poly.

A good sleep;
A good dream.

如果我有的选择，我一定不会选现在的这条路，
这条路好长，好累。
我真的累了。
自己不开心，也要假装坚强。
就算不是自己的错，也要自己撑。
我好想好想飞，
逃离这个疯狂的世界。

How capable am I?
I don't know.
I really found myself at a lost.
So many things I have not done.
And the worst thing is that I thought it will be go well.
The fact is it seems not going so well.

I don't want to let anyone down.
I don't want to make myself regret.
I don't want any crop up due to my mistake.
I just hope it will go smoothly.

I need help.
Seriously.

I am no longer me.

I still have the weird feeling inside.
And it seems to be growing.
I feel so sorry for neglecting many of my friends.
Sorry sorry and very deeply sorry.
Whatever it comes,whatever it takes.

I am a serious person.
I think I am becoming more and more serious.
Things are here and there.
A lot of them.
I got to settle them.

Though I tried to face them with a smile,
sometimes it seems i am just not good enough to handle them.
I am not good at handling people too.
So what am I good at?

I know why I am so reluctant to come back to singapore.
I know why I miss Philippines so much.
It's a trip without worry.
No wonderful it can only be as part of my memory

Had a lot of fun this few days.
Friday finally met up with my Cebu Trip friends,
those from NP and NJC.
The same kind of happiness is back.
Watch the video of our Cebu trip.
All the memories suddenly flashed back.

I know many people shared the same feeling as I do.
Gerlad,Joy,Samuel and many many more.
All of us missed the trip.
All of us missed the heart to heart talk.
Hopefully we can go to Taman Negara together,
so that we can keep the bonding last.

Then head to Jonathan's house for Majhong.
My phone died on me again.
Luckily I still manage to find his house in the end.
I think my luck is really bad.
I forefeited a lot of times in a row.
Anyway it's fun.

Saturday met up with Horace,Hiu Tung,Sly and Kim.
The earth hour is really nothing.
Not all organizations support this kind of event.
Look forward to next friday and every friday.
Coz friday is the day we will be meeting.

I feel weird.
Very very weird.
Hope this weird feeling can be ceased.
And stop growing.

Why so serious?

In this world, you don't have to be good.
You don't have to be serious about everything.
As long as you are good at talking and socializing,
you can hide all your flaws.
That's the lesson I have learnt.

I dunno where I am heading,
am i doing the right things.
Maybe I should just do the same things as them.
I miss Philipines,almost every bit of the those memories.
Especially the genuiness.

I am not happy.
I miss my TA 29 gang.

Had a long chat with Bestie.
I love this feeling.
Always the same topic.
Our conversation has always been surrounding around relationship problems.

Of course, both of us don't have such problems coz we are not even involved in a relationship.
Sometimes I am just wondering am I bringing bad luck to my friends.
Those friends close to me are all single, or attached and broke up.
I haven been single for years.
Though there have been some up and down in between,
I am still single until now.

Sometimes I just wondering if i can find the right person.
I am going to be 20.
Half of my youth is gone.
My love affair is still in vain.
All I had is disappointment and dispair.

If I can have more courage,
If I can have more confidence,
I won't be in the same state as I am.
Maybe I am just not destined to have love.
So just let it be.

I still hope for some lights,
though it's dark outside.

I miss Philippines.

I miss Philippines.

In Philippines, everything is so simple and sincere.

We gaze under the star,

we open our heart to one another,

we show feelings from our inner most heart.



We simply indulge ourselves in trueness.

Everyone knows things will be the same once we are back,

so we treasure each and every moment.



I miss every little bit of Philippines.

Trip to Philippines

I am leaving for Philippines in a few hour' time.
Suddenly i feel a bit reluctant to go coz got so many things are not settled.
And someone have to cover the extra load for me due to trip.
Really sorry about it.
I will make it up before I come back.

Anyway I still have to go for the trip.
Coz it's important.
I know those people going for the trip also know the importance.
Hopefully I will have fun.
This morning,when I woke up,then i just thought of him.
It's always my one sided wish.

A mixed kind of feeling

Sometimes I know I think really too much.
Things happen here and there.
People are putting up too much of a hyprocrisy.
Sometimes u simply dunno whom to trust.

I start to get confused about friendship.
I start to get confused about trustworthiness.
I start to doubt who is my friend and who is not.
Who is true and who is not.
Or maybe they are not my friend.

Tough question.
I am so afraid of being hurt.
I think I am going back to the primitive me.
At the edge of breaking down.
Emotional distrubance.
and What else?
I need my confidence and me back.

突然发现，自己真的做了好多事。
开始怀疑自己做的事情到底值不值得。
从小到大，对人生多很认真，真的很认真，
总觉得付出就有回报。
可是发现这个世界需要的好像不是我这样的人，
只要会socialize,认不认真根本不重要。

对朋友总是太认真，
为了他们的一个微笑，
就算花多少心思也不要紧。
这么多年，我好像都在付出，根本没有回报。
真心都被当做是必然，
必然都成为习惯。

可能小的时候读了太多的书，
对这个世界充满太多的幻想。
其实如果能跟路人一样，
什么都不想，
用一样的公式过生活，
可能就不会有这个麻烦。

好多的时候，我的想法可能都太伟大。
看Slumdog的时候，就想着怎么去帮助印度的穷人；
就算自己在累，也要装着有活力，希望可以影响其它人；
总觉得每份友情都该有人付出，这样才能让它继续，
可是偏偏每次付出的只有自己。

我也是个人，脆弱的人。
不是什么能拯救世界的超人。
就算是超人，也有累得时候。
我也想要好好休息。
我也想要好好享受。

Happy Day

FInally Bamp is over.
I had a good day today.
Had afternoon tea with Hiu Tung, Kim man, Sylvester and Horace.
Chit chat and chit chat and more chit chat.
Then walk around in carrefour and discuss about tmr's plan.
Woohoo.Picnic is making me happy.
I simply want some relaxation of my hectic schedule.

what a wonderful world

I never knew a camp can be so bad.I never knew tat some people are so horrible.I never knew some people are so not them,as what i have known so far.It's seems everything is at my fault.It seems my ability dropped so much after joining this cca. I am utterly disappointed,not jus with myself,but more towards someone.Mayb my thoughts are rather immaterial.It teaches u about trust,honesty and protection.you never know a person's true colour.Tat's life.人心颇测。

My temper is getting bad this few days.
I think my character is shaped a lot by it.
Many people have told me or rather warn me about it,
the fact is I did not listen.I chose to believe my heart.

But now my heart seems is telling me that I did the wrong thing.
I did not have the ability to do those things.
I am too incapapble, to the standard that people have to scream at me at what to do.
Well, it never happen in my entire life.
Now it happened.

Sometimes I really doubt at my choice,
the opportunity cost seems to be really high.
Maybe it's something to make you grow.
One cannot enjoy her life always,
she got to get over some obstructions for her grow.

Soon,it will be over.
I have to preserve through.
No point of fighting over unnessary things,
If people aren't noble, it doesn't mean you have to be like them.

Photos from chinatown trip with Bestie.

I am feeling sorry for many people.
Sorry bestie for not able to celebrate your birthday with you.
Happy 19th birthday!
Sorry for not able to send sister off for her Ireland attachment.
Sorry for screaming at mum due to my bad temper.
Sorry for letting people who pin hopes at me down.

Suddenly I miss the sub-com days so much.

看着旧照片
感动很多，
舍不得也很多，
每天没有他们的日子，
可能真的会很寂寞。

是时候学会坚强的时候，
是时候学会勇敢的时候，
就算自己再懦弱，
也要坚持下去，
不能让周围的失望，
更不能让自己失望，
最不能让梦想失望。

我知道好多时候，
我都想太多。
不知道是大脑太过复杂，
还是里面的程序出了问题。
其实，我要的真的很简单。
一个好梦就让我让我开心一整天。
希望我能做个好梦

Changes in life

Went to Haji Lane last sat with Yu Rong.
Haji lane changed a lot,really a lot.
Not terms of structure,but atmosphere.
Back to 2 or 3 years,when I went there the first time.
I totally fell in love with the place.
It's peaceful, artistic and full of surprises.
I still remember this independent music shop, called Straits Record,
where I spent almost my entire day.
It's no longer there, it moves to somewhere else.
Now there whole street is full of people,
people smoking sisha(I dunno how to spell it).

Everyone changed a lot after graudate.
Many become so busy, until no time to meet up.
I am considered to be one of the them.
The last time I met up with Yu Rong is like 1 month again.
Unlike that time, we used to spend days and days together.
Now,everything is different.

Bestie wrote something on her blog,
which make me feel very touched, yet guilty.
Maybe I simply focus too much on CCAs.
Yes..It's good to be committed.
But,I simply forgone my times with them.
With my lovely friends.
I should spend more times with them.
Friendships need to be nurished.
Fate brought people together, to know one another, to become friends
and to be there for one another.
If we don't treasure it,
it maybe taken away without your notice.

Museum visit is fun.
I will go to more musuems after exam.
I know it's a bit selfish,
but I cannot give up my entire life for one thing.
It will end eventually,
but life still has to go on.

I have a dream

I had a lot of dreams before.
Teacher, president, business woman, poet,singer and etc.
Today i suddenly realize I have a more realistic dream.
If I work hard, it's acheiveable.
I want to buy a house at age of 26.
And I want to be a developer by 40.
Though I have a lot of things on hand now,
i can never stop dreaming.
I want to continue to dream,
and make my dream come true one day.
*Not just in sleep.

Jogging

Just came back from a long jog.

Tired but contented.

I have not been running for so long for ages.

I think I completed aroun 4 Km, at least 3Km plus.

Acutally I ran for 500m, then I felt a bit tired and wanted to go home.

On the way home, then I saw Joel.

Amazingly,he had been jogging all the way from CCK to Bukit Batok.

So I decided not to go back and continue to jog with him.

We went jog around Bukit Batok Nature Park, then went to Bukit Timah,

and then to Hillview Avenue, from there I jogged back home.

In total, I think I have run for around 3-4Km.

And the amazing thing is that I didn't stop, I managed to jog that long at one go.

Haha..I think that's the longest I jog in the past 2 or 3 years.

I shall continue to train, so that can get rid of my excessive fats.

Plus, jogging helps me to destress.

It helps me to brighten up my day and straighten out my thinking.

I brought a small pot of cactus on Valentine's day.

Something like the one in the pic, but smaller.

Hope this cactus can keep me motivated.

Be strong like a cactus and have the resilence.

Exams are just round the corner.

Dunno what kind of grades will I get this sem.

Hopefully it's something of my expectation.(3.9,I really hope)

MA:AD,RFA:A, FIT:A, Tax:A, TDP:AD, UR:A, Bcom:B+

My goal may sounds a bit unrealistic,

but I really hope for that grades.

All the best for me and everyone.

Bamp is the worst camp I ever had.
Nothing is worse than this.
I had the worst planning experience in my life time.
Maybe it's a training.
Train myself to work with people that I can't work with.
****.
I don't scold bad words, but they just come out of my mouth.
I have problem with managing this kind of situation.
I cannot think properly as I used to.
I need help.Angel,help me if there is one.

Some random photos we took last week, after our FIT and Bcom presentation.
With our advisor in LT68E.

Evidence of murder.



Very extra Sylvester

K box price raised so much.

We wanted to go K box on Monday, then realize that it's so expensive.

There must be something wrong K Box's pricing decision.

Don't they know that the economy is bad.

Haiz..There is very little entertainment that we can have.


Monday is Lunar Jan 15th.

So we had Tang Yuan.

It's really funny to eat Tang Yuan outside someone's shop.

But anyway it's pretty fun coz those people that I am eating with.

Today's Sub-com interview is really tiring.
It reminds me of my interview.

It's hard to be a interviewee, it's even harder to be interviewer.

Finally I knew the reason why they laugh during my interview.

我真的该减肥了，才放在自己现在肥成这样。

如果要是睡醒就能瘦下了，拿就好了。

I know that not everyone is so understanding.
Not everyone know that you are busy with a lot of things;
Not everyone know that some of the things are your needs, not your wants;
It's ok.I don't need the world to understand.

This semester is ending soon.
How I wish it will not end so fast?
I will not be able to be in the same class with them again.
It sounds childish, espcially for me.
But the fact of not be able to see them make me sad, sometimes I even feel like crying.

Nobody is going to listen to my grumble;
Nobody is going to go crazy with me;
Nobody is going to sing with me;
And nobody is going to be there to support me,make me feel like someone.
I am back to nobody again.

I felt this way 2 years back, when I was about to graduate from HS.
And this feeling is back to me again and this time round is even stronger.
I don't know will be like next semester.
I really start to regret about my choice initially.
I cannot turn back the time,
All I can do is to face it with a smile and
not give up so easily.

Problems are everywhere.
I just wish this can be over as soon as possible.
现在的我真的太认真，
这个世界似乎需要的不是认真的人，
至少不是我这种人。

Happy Chinese new year!

I don't really like CNY in general,

but since this year it's a good year, CNY should good too.

.

This year is rather a spendid year compared to the previous ones.

I just came back from society CNY gathering at Ziyi's house.

Though sometimes I really feel like giving up,

the feeling of being a society really pulled me through.

I like the feeling of being part of this big family.

Thank the planners for this gathering.

Thank Ziyi for the food.

Thank Jerel for the lecture.

Thank Ming Jun for the "Ang Pao".

So happy to meet up with bestie today.

Though sometimes we will quarrel ,

her chatter is really brighten up my days.

Gang reunion dinner on 31Dec,

Class CNY dinner on 3 Feb.

All this celebrations makes me love CNY more and more.

It's not about the food,it's about the people.

It's about the feeling of being together.

I have dreamt of him yesterday.

It seems like my life ceased in dreams.

Went to celebrate Siu Cing's birthday.
We had a simple dinner at Glass house.
Not many went, mainly last year's soc members.
She and Wilson are so sweet.
Haha.I am so good at predicating the future.
Maybe I should become a gypsy.

Sometimes I really envy last's soc member's unity.
It will be good if we can have the same outcome this year.
Hopefully.
Fish&Co made me so full,
and the excess cheese cake make me so sick.
Moral of the story, don't force yourself when you knew you really cannot.
Though it's a happy day,but I missed out 团圆饭。
团圆饭is equally important to me as everything else.

Yesterday's USP talk is really motivating.
At least it makes me think about my future and my strength.
How am I going to make myself become someone who is so good?
I don't know, but I knew that I will try.
Even if my ability is limited, I should set the right mood and attitude.
Sat is coming!Baking,gossiping and sharing.woohoo.xD