Just came back from TXY prizing giving ceremony.
It has been the 4th time being there.
I still remember vividly how I used to be passionate about writing back then.
Last time,
I am so thrilled to see my article on newspaper.
I am so serious about editing every word I wrote;
I am so happy to spend my whole day in the indie music shop on Haji Lane for my black record article.
Now things are different.
The primary feeling is still the purest.

Ting Tsu,Jie Sheng and me.

Fat Chen Shake,he and Yu Chih are leaving for China.



Fan Tuan,Xian Hui,Ying Wen and me.


I know leaving is inevitable.
It's just part of our growing up process.
One cannot stay in the same place forever.
When someone is leaving,only then you realize the importance of the person.
I miss 3F(My HCL class)
Of course my dear friend Jie Sheng,who will be going to the states soon.
Out of a sudden,it seems that many of my good friend are leaving.
I don't want to come to the end of this year.

Yesterday went for NP strings concert to support Horace and Zi Ning.
Because of this concert and TXY ban Jiang,I actually give up my job at Comex.
Which means $$ is forgone.
I don't want to be an irresponsible person,
who breaks her promise for money.
Friends are definately more important than money.
There is no ending for generating money,
but there is limited chance to gather with your friends.
Of course,some people may place money as top priority.
It's up to you how you balance the two things.

Living in memories

I am always living memories,maybe that's why I am so screwed up in everything now.

Today I went for the scholarship preparation programme.
Btw, I am neither a scholar or a director's list holder.
I have no idea why I want to sign up in the first place.
Those stuff the coach have taught is about 25%useful.



When I was inside the room,I suddenly feel my confidence level was falling drastically.
I can't help to feel inferior,lack of confidence,it's unlike the feeling that I went for TDP last year.
I should not do comparison,but I just cannot control myself.
I am ok with the fact that I am screwed.
I just cannot get over the fact that everyone is getting better,I am becoming worse.



I am 19,going to 20 soon.
None of my dreams are fulfilled.
I am not getting anywhere closer to them.
I have no passion,
I have no talent,
If my talent is writing,
why can't I write out a single word after staring at the paper for so long?



I used to believe that as long as one darea to dream,he will have the passion and enthusiasm to achieve it.
Maybe it's totally wrong.
Those aunties who bargain over a few cents at market should have their dream;
Those uncles who can drinks beer at coffee shop at night should have dreams too;
But what happen to their dreams when they are getting old;
Reality and dreams just don't match.
I doubt if we can still have the ability to dream in 10 or 20 years times.



I just feel like a loser.
I want to talk to someone,
but just cannot find anyone to talk to.
Such a loser.



Where is the me?
Where is Xing Dan?
I think she is already dead since graduated from HS.
Now I am only a hollow shell without a soul.

Memories.

Karma

I am not a buddist,neither a Christian.
Well,I do have a religion,which is Xingdanism.
Xingdansim believes in Karma.
You will get what you sow sooner or later.

Yesterday caught movie 4bia with my classmates.
It's the 4th horror movie that I ever watched.
The first one is the eye 2,which is like 5 years ago.
The second one I caught accidently on TV;
Third is Juon which i have no choice but watched in NYAA chalet.
Forth one is 4bia.
Inside the cinema,many people are laughing;
But there is a girl,who got so traumadised, almost go hidding under her sit.
Yes.That's me.
The story line is quite predicable,directors use the ususual horror making techiques.
Most of the times,I know the ghost is going to appear in the scene.
I still can't help to tremble non-stop.

Though I am covering up my eyes,ears and face most of the times,
I still manage to survive through the whole movie.
After I came out of the cinema,I can't even walk properly.
I almost thought I am going to have heart attack anytime.
But i learnt one thing through the movie:Karma.
Don't do things against your conscience,
sooner or later you will get it.
Maybe that's why I am so traumadised.
Coz initially I am supposed to go Night Safari with MCs and SCOs.
It's a rare chance for everyone to get together;
It's a good bonding opportunity;
and I have already told James that I am going;
In the end,due to my classmates' persuasiveness,
I decided to go for movie.

Exams are over.Costing paper is really screwed,I think it's going to pull my whole GPA down.My dreams is gonna burst into bubble again!
I need imspiration.
I want to write something,
I want to join the contest,
I want to write to my secondary school teachers;
But i don't have any inspiration.I don't like works without inspiration.It's fake and lack of emotion.
Staring at the old pieces that I have done earlier,either published or not,
it's still much better than what I am writing now.
Please give me some inspiration!
and a job!

dilemma

Study at my secret little corner in library.Library is so peaceful.It's the kind me peace tat i am craving to have.
Life is like a MCQ.there are so many choices tat u can choose.It's really hard to make a choice.There's an opportunity cost behind every choice.You cannot take both of them,you can only decide on one.
Tmr is last paper.After tat,it will be holiday. i need a job. Any intro?

I am back!!

Yes..Xing Dan is making a come back!
The super determined and super powered Xing Dan is back!
Dun be scared off the ground!
I want to show you how I shake the world!
Muahaha.

A basket of sunny

My blog is too sunny,
but I am often too emotional.

I am a person hard to be contented.
It seems that I am always setting a very high expectation on
myself,my life and the world.
When expectations are not met,
I am disappointed,sad and start to write my emo post over and over again.
I am not happy,but that doesn't mean that I don't wish to see my friends be happy.
If you know me well,you should know what's the most important thing in my life.
It's none other than friends.
All i want is you to be happy.
That's why I will have the famous clause:
I like to entertain people!

Just let bygone be bygone,
no point crying over the spoilt milk.
Those people around you will miss your bright smile if it's gone.

So if you are my friend,
If you are not happy.
Do think of me!
Think those stunts that I have done,
like singing in the middle of the orchard road with my not so fantastic voice,
running like primary school kid in the MRT
my 鬼脸s,
my not so funny jokes.
my funny and embarassing moments.
If you are still not happy,
you can call me.
I can replay those all over again.
I am a joker.I love to entertain people.

SMRT challenge is coming up!
I am so look forward to it.
Last year's SMRT memories.

Buffet is sinful!I just can't resist the tempetations.
Good luck for my exams and everyone's exam!

Save me from myself.

This world is amazing.
Sometimes when you are thinking about something,
the next instance it appears right in front of your face.
I wish if that can always happen.

I am distracted.Cannot really concentrate on my revising.
Not everything is like A math.
You only crave for a pass.
For others, what we want is more than a pass.

Just something to share.
It's amazing that how powerful other people's voice can be.
My expectation is only not to sing out of tone.
whereas



Save me from myself by 黎楚宁.
Hope she will win the contest.
She is my favourite of this season.


Not a fan of him,but have to say he is a great star.
Forever the great star in many's heart.
Though today is not any special occasion.
Nothing wrong with missing a great star.


If we can still hear him to sing again
.Anyone want to catch a mei's concert?

Sometimes we don't aware of the situation we are in.
Somethings are not ought to be said,
but to be observed.

It's funny that how I live my life.

I think I am imaging myself living in US,

that's why I always sleep in the daytime and wake up in the noon.

While,that maybe a good thing in future.

Caught The mummy 3 with ex-JT classmates just now.

It's has been long since I last saw some of them.

Well,I left JT's class for 2 months already.

Of course I can't help to miss his class,JT and all the others.

I am not passionate about dancing as the others do.

I always thought that I have interest in something,

in the end I realize my interest are so minimal,then I gave up.

It has been my typical property for donkey years.

From Judo,table tennis,math olympiad, writting and now dancing.

I am like giving up everything before I become good at it.

Well,just some reflection for the day.It's always good to reflect about yourself at the end of everyday.

Pictures from tuesday's buffet lunch cum afternoon tea.

That's the best meal I had this week.

Smile..Guess what is it made of?

Yes.It's ice cream..Scooping the ice cream in process.

Unglam Photo No 1.You can put that in Stomp and they will be famous.

Unglam photo no 2.

Since wed, I have been feeding myself with bitter guard and soya bean milk.

I am not torturing myself or skipping my meal.

I am just trying out some detoxic method.

Hopefully it can get me better skin and loss some fats too.

I am going live in library again.

Time to study hard,

and stop thinking of things.

I love to be a nerd.

Well,another week have passed.
My blog shall be updated on weekly basis since exams are coming.

I should spend more time in studying for exams instead of wasting my time away.

Yesterday we went to bestie's house to slack coz we dunno where else to go.

Chit chat and gossips,gossips and chit chat.

Staring at the clouds and listen to stories.

How i wish i can spend every afternoon of mine in this manner?

Had Qiang Mai celebration in SPH just now.

3 years. new and old faces.

Everyone changes a lot.

Everyone is becoming better and better.

More and more successful.

More and more people are stepping into the media industry.

Future journalist,song composer,producer.

TXY is really full of talents.

Yu Neng have sold his songs;

Hui Mei had become Amb President;

Cheng Yao had consistent placement in director's list;

Many more talent to blossom.

Though I am nothing compare to them,

my thoughts have becomed more matured.

I am no longer living in the shadow of the others.

Instead,deep down from my heart,I feel so glad to be their friends;

Finally,their efforts are paid off.

Their deserve it coz they have worked hard for it.

Maybe it's time for me to go back to my track too.

I love afternoon.