Happy new year!

For the past two years, i have been celebrating Christmas with fellow txys.
This year i was alone.
They are still celebrating,
but not me.
I am the one who choose to run away from that circle.
No point regreting over it.
Year 2007 is a sucky year for me.
I screwed up many things.
No.I don't even have a thing in the first place.
I don't have much hope on year 2008,
coz if i am not going to change,
nothing is going to work.
Here are some of my new year wishes.
1.Change my attitude.Less arrogant and more optimistic.
2.Be more determined.Don't dwell over the past too much.
3.Learn a new skill.Eg.Swimming.
4.Study harder.GPA of at least 3.8.
5.Cheer up and have a more positive attitude in life.
6.Improvements in all the other aspects.
I have been turning my bio clock upside down for the past few days.
so it's today.
Happy new year.
Going to night safari in few hours to celebrate new year.

Stressed

I am so freaking stressed.
That's why i am still awake at this time.
Maybe someone can use a stick to knock me down,
or use some form of injection to put me to sleep
Staring in front of my lappy
not knowing what to do.
The only thing in my mind is stress.
IVP is coming.
I know i won't help NP much,
but in losing the competition only.
My results,
suck like hell.
Not to mention getting into my dreamy NUS.
I am just a talent-less failure.
Until know,
i still don't where are my strength and what are my dreams.
I am just a aimless wonderer.
Why can't i find my passion?
I know i am being negetive again.
While i hate it and it really drag me down.
But i just can't get rid of it.
If you are my friend,just ignore me.
I am going to lock myself in the room for days
and don't try to reach me until i release myself.
Bloody hell.
This fucking loser year is going to be over soon.
Will i be luckier next year?

A lof of things to say.
When one is free, one tend to think of a lot things.
Your past,your present and your future.
I am too proud of myself.
No.I have been too proud of myself.
That's why i never really sit down and reflect myself.
Too many things i have forgone.
My Judo,
My TXY,
My writing,
and my dream.

If i am start blogging,there must be something that i want to comment about.
Either i am having mood swings or pissed.
Those things that i am going to say may hurt you,
this shows you should not be reading my blog.
Being born with a bossy nature, i have to admit that i like to lead people.
I like to chart the direction for people,
instead of being lead by others.
If you are better,
i give the power.
I am willing to be led by you.
If not,that will be different case.

I proposed something,
this shows i want to organize it.
I want to make it happen.
I will be damn pissed if when you become the one informing me about it.
I am straight forward.
Though i try to act as a very typical BA student,
i cannot as i am still not fake enough.
Certainly i am not a nice girl who can have the line world peace as her motto.
If you want to have it,go ahead and organize it.
but the fact is that i won't go.
Or i will turn up with a black face.
I am arrogant,proud and dislikable.

Work and more work.
Study and more study.
My life is dull,so what?

感动。

看了一部电影，
有了一种好久不见的感动。
原来我还是那个我
一个会为电影哭，电影笑的我。
怀念的就是这种单纯的感动，
在这个世界迷失了好久，
差一点把自己都忘了。
电影的插曲很好听，
简单的旋律，
带着淡淡的悲伤。

爱情它在你的眼里
到底算是什么东西
为什么你总是一次次
把它当成是一种游戏
你说我像一块易碎的玻璃
你从不让我受任何打击
可为什么你总是一次次
把我变成了泪水的容器
你说什么 还爱着我
还当我是个笨女人么
虽然我曾经 曾经是你的
可你没有珍惜我
你说什么 还想要我
说这都是你的错
我的亲爱的 我要走了
就当我们从未遇见过。

Happy

Happy is a word that is rarely used by me,
but this few days i am really happy and feel very blessed.
Friday, i went to table tennis.
Only a handful of people is there.
I thought since Hui Xian is not coming,
there won't be anyone around to teach me or rather play with me.
Little did i expect Winson,who is my SCO for BAOC was willing to spend his time,
teaching me patiently.
So touched,well it motivates me to continue to go table tennis trainning.

The more exciting part is saturday.
I joined the interpoly amazing race.
I am not really interested in the first place,
but i just thought since i am interviewing for the sub com of IS club,
i should join some of their activities to show my active membership.
But it turnt out to be really fun.
I made a lot of friends.
Mostly malaysians
and some of them even thought that i am a malaysian.
Sean still don't believe that i am a chinese even until i reached home.
First time in my life,
i found that i can click with someone so well.
The unspoken words.
Hope to see him again.
Maybe something is going to happen,who knows?
Sunday's work in BBR is really tiring.
The number of champane that i poped that day exceed the bottles that i have poped for my entire life.
I am not going to work there again.
More event for this week.
Wed, dinner with those i dare friends.
Thus,IS club new subcom orientation.
Friday,table tennis.
Sat,Fun Buzz.Maybe i got to see them again
Sun,K box and meeting with my dears.
Let me just be a happy little girl

睡觉的感觉真好。
闭上眼睛，远离这个世界。
我真的只是个咔哩飞，
一个不重要的人。
少了我，谁也不会少块肉。
多了我，也没什么不一样。
如果我能一睡不醒，
那该多好。
就让公主永远的沉睡，
这样她就不用在担心。

倒霉，我就是倒霉
就知道老天我可能对我那么好，
让我开心那么多天。
我越开心，就越会有影响心情的事情发生。
我还能说什么呢？
我的确是个suay神。
那一天我才能摆脱倒霉的命运呢？
怪不得很多人都离我越来越远
我这么倒霉，
靠近我也会沾到衰气。

我的生活很想偶像剧，
不过是女主角没找的王子前的悲惨生活。
不同的是，女主角会找到王子，
拯救她们。
而我呢？
我要求不高，
我只要转转运，
告别衰气。

Too much

Ppl always say i think too much.
I know.
and i always know,
but i dun wanna change.
It's in my genes.
Not being proud,
but being honest.
I am born with gifted brain.
It's meant for complicated operations.
U have ur kind of life,
i have mine.
I dun live to please anyone,
even if u r my friend.
Many more things ahead,
study,work,TXY,I dare, maybe BA society.
I got to hang on them and fight till the end.
But now super woman just have one simple wish.
If i can just cry on the beach and sit there for the whole night.

我想我真的病了

路走远了，心也累了。
无依无靠的人，就算再累，也要一个人走下去。
不是每个人都有幸福的权力，
我就是其中的一个。
不管多累，我都要撑住。
我就是superwoman。
突然之间，想起很多人，
我爱的人，我恨的人。
我想的人，我舍不得的人。
对我有恩的人，对我伤害的人。
生命中原来又这么多过客，
可是就是少了那么一个人。
难怪我一直是孤单的一个人。
midnight and i miss those times.
I think i am really sick.

Bitchy Stories

Since i am in the bitchy mood.
Let me tell u a bitchy story.
I went to this camp.
Met this bitchy gal,
whose character is the top unwanted one in my list.
We fight.
Literally.
And i managed to survive through the race.
I won the battle.
haha..

每个人心里都有座火山，我的不是死火山，只是我的发作周期比较久。

年纪大了就会看得清楚谁是谁。

黑或白。

有一天死火山发作了，

就会是世界末日的到来。

我在别人心中真的很不重要。
能不能有一天让我成为某人的NO.1呢
应该不可能会有那么一天吧。
我的思念不重要，
我的感觉也不重要，
我在这个舞台上扮演的永远都是个小角色。

献上一首我决的很好听的歌-不远。

我站在你不远处
默默地为你祝福
把对你的爱藏起来
放你去寻找追逐
我站在爱的不远处
不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我
那是我最大的幸福

我只有两支手，两条腿。
我没有特异功能。
我只是个平凡人。

一天只有24小时。
凡人总要吃饭睡觉。
能用来做工赚钱的时间有多少。

我要拼了，没办法。社会所破。
背上的龟壳越来越重。
想到一个很好笑的事情，
TDP时候，一个看起来就很像千金小姐的女生讲了这样一个故事。
她的Hamster从3楼掉下来死了，
她哭了一夜没睡。
我家没有Hamster,
人都养不起了还养老鼠。
我家也没有三楼，
我家有九楼（政府组屋）。
可是我也有整晚不睡得时候。
不过是做工做了一晚，
没得睡。
加油，我要拼了。I am superwoman.
To Nobody:
不管你是谁，谢谢你的关心。There is a distance between Mars and Earth.

怎样的人，就会有怎样的生活。
我就是这样的人，我只会过这种生活。
别人这样活，不管我的事。
不能说的秘密的确很好看，
很梦幻的一部戏。
梦幻的爱情，
没有人不向往。
可是，
现实呢？

Weird.

It's weird.
Maybe more than weird.
Hopefully it will be weird in the positive way.

Forget about my weird comments.
If you know what i mean, then that's it.
I have been in a super happy mood since yesterday.
I love my friends.
Shell,Rong,Turtle Nana and many more.
I love u all forever.

Deep Wonder

超级星光大道can really made a person cry.
U will realize how powerful human voice can be after u watch it.
Qiang Mai is over.
Where is my passion?
The burning flame has subdued by the coldness from her.
Why did her changed so much？
Maybe I dun know her well right from the beginng.
I still remembered of the times when we worked happily together,sharing our secrets in the play ground,hearing of our coarse voice in Yu Ying's house.
And now?
Surroundinga can really change one's behaviour.
I have no right to say about others,
i was forced to change so many times.
I am wondering if we all can go back to the old times.

Immersed in deep wondering.
Have i not treat my friends good enough?
U should know how important you are.
Yes.I admit.I would like to know more new friends.
Networking is really necessary.
But if u r my friend,
i will always treat u above all the others.
From secondary 2 to now,
is it not long enough to let u see what kind of person am i?
How much sacrifices have i made for the sake of friendship?
Sad to say.

Feeling weird.
Dunno know what kind of feeling is this.
Hopefully i am feeling the right feeling that is bring conveyed.
Bless me.

A simple life

小丸子的生活很简单。
3年级的小学生的生活有会怎样复杂呢？
18岁的我，
整天还沉浸在这样的世界里，
听起来真的好好笑。
我应该是乌龟座的，
不然怎么会整天逃离现实呢 ？
我的世界复杂嘛？
我也不知道。
可能是我自己让自己陷入复杂当中。

昨天在报馆的几小时都好开心，
好久都没这么笑过了。
终于找回去报馆的动力，
不过很快的，
有些人就要消失了。
像玉能。
其实我还蛮羡慕玉能，
知道自己想要什么，
知道自己的梦想，
能朝着梦想努力。
我呢？
整天都过着这样没有目标，
没有梦想的人生。
感觉很失败。
没有了当年的冲动，
没有了当年的个性，
剩下的只是经过世俗过滤后的一致。
我还是我嘛？

如果背包环游世界也算梦想的话，
那可能就是我现在唯一的梦。

最近的几天都被我浪费掉了。
看了好多好看的电视。
等你在现在中无法得到的时候，
只好躲在梦里面，
体验那幻想的幸福。
我竟然找到了倚天屠龙记，马景涛板的。
好难得，找了这么久。
这么多年以后，再一次看这部戏。
难免会有些怀念。
我就是个怀旧的人，
小时候，
永远都是完美的回忆。
昨天整天没去上学，
Pon school.
我就是喜欢这种感觉，
反正我就个喜欢做怪的小孩。

不开心

如果你不想让自己不开心，就不要读我的这个post.
就当我是在写遗书，反正这也不是第一次。
我只是不甘心，所以才能活到现在。
我很不开心，应该说我很难开心。
情绪越来难控制。经常emo.
我也不想，可是不是所有事情都在我的控制内的。
我不知道还可以撑多久。
how long can i continue to fight with the depressed spirit within me?
也许那件事情对我的影响太大了。
一直都留下个阴影。
不讲话，
不代表我不想说。
只是没人听。
人活到象我这样，
的确很是失败。
我不想自闭，离人群远去。
不过，至少我还活到18岁。
以我这种性格，的确是很值得骄傲的事。
活着好累，好累。
好像闭上眼睛后，就不再醒来。
如果我消失了，多少人会想我呢？

A memorable day!

My birthday cake.I only took the photo after we finish eating half of it.

Jasmine gave me this.

Justin brought the cake all the way from Bedok this morning.He came to the school super early just to put it into the fridge at the club house.I am so touched

The lovely OP bag from Ivy
Today I am both happy and sad.


Sad, I have another quarrel with my mum.


She just dun understand what i really need.


I need just 5 minute from her, a pandan cake or even if a bun will do.


She knows nothing.


Never mind about the sad part.


Let's begin with the happy part.


which i almost cried.


I went Melvardo after leaving TCC.


Ivy brought another two friends to celebrate my birthday.


KImmy and Jasmine.


Thanks for that.


Though i dunno them well,


they actually came and wish me happy birthday.
Though this kind of things mayb a bit superficial,
i dun mind.
It gave meaning to 18th birthday.
i was super touched for whatever they have done for me.
Running out of thankful words.
It's simply just too sweet for me to take in.
I will remember this day forever.

我要加油。

我要加油。
要努力读书了，
不可以再这样颓废下去了。
我要拿好成绩，
很多很多的A和AD。

I set myself a target of getting 12 good deeds done before my birthday,
yet i haven accompolish a single one.
Never mind.I will just try my best.
Sat went sph for qiang mai.
Haha...saw Eugene again.Unlike last year,
he didn't give much comment due to the time constraint.
Qiang Mai is really a enjoyful competition.
I love being one of the crew.Working with Yu Neng is fun.
I start to wondering what if there is no yu neng in txy next year.What will happen?

After the competition, i rushed to bestie's house for steamboat.
I was so surprise that they actually celebrated my birthday together with mooie's birthday.
I almost cried.
Bestie is still the best.
I love to sleep over at her house.
we got so many things to talk about.
But one thing not good is that she used to sleep earlier.
And she actually fell asleep at 1 plus.

Caught transfomers yesteday with Larry, Ciel, Ivy and many more strangers.
Not really strangers, they are just friends of Ivy.
I think i really have a mature mind.
I enjoy talking to ppl like Ivy and Jasmine.
Btw Ivy is 28 and Jasmine is 26 this year.
Heard the detail version of Larry's story.
It made me so shocked yet felt so unbelievable.
From a gangster to a NP scholar,
the change is so great.
I always judge a book by its cover.
Without seeing what is inside the book.
(My library book are overdue soon.haha)
The content maybe so diffierent from what you seen from the surface.
5ADs and 1A.
that's like OMG!

LMS is finishing soon.
Such a relief.
Sat i am going for trybe open house.
Sun i am going to watch Anglician Alumni drama.
So look forward to those things..

朋友之间不该是越来越好，
越来越了解。
但是现实好像不是这样，
时间久了，
离有些人就越来越远，
以前所谓的了解都是假象。

乒乓球的年代再现，
仿佛又回到了从前。
我要好好练习。
为我加油。
生日之前，我一定要做12件好事。
这是我送给自己的生日礼物。

Life is beautiful as life is unfair.
Quoted from sylvester.
He was advertising for his phrase this morning.
And i realize the true meaning while i am working in the afternoon.
Life can never be fair.
Those rich kids got grow up, socialising with other rich kids.
Expand their network and get growing rich advices from those peop;e who are already very rich.
In the end, they become richer and this cycle continues)
(While,i am not jealous or being materialistic.It's just a casual comment)
On the other hand, those poor kids like me have to work so hard to support themselves.
Who ask me did not get the scholarship?
so no choice.I have to work harder to earn the school fee for next sem.
My mum is simply too exhausted by her work.
I don't think it's a wise choice to ask money from her either.
Ok.never mind.Let me continue to comment about those rich people.
Maybe can be said as gossip.
Anyway i do enjoy gossiping about people.
Those people made me realize one thing.
Sometimes smile can be so fake.
I bet they truly like one another so much.
Whatever.
Not my problem.
I am going there to work,not to critisize.
Morning went to TCC at raffles place.
Good ambience.
I am really someone who appreciate ambience more than anything else.
The food doesn't matter as long as the ambience is good.
I am making the world even more unfair.haha.

I am still impulsive ,as usual.
When i have the urge to do something,
i will do it straight away.
For example, today i feel like eating sakae sushi,
i skipped my lecture just to eat sushi.
Is it worth it?
I am not sure.
I am simply being too driven by my emotions.
Yesterday i ask Justin for photos during TDP.
Then he transferred to me a damn huge file.
Then i realize how many photos i have took with his not so expensive($1600-$1700)camera.
I have carried his camera around,taking more than 100 photos.
Another example to show my impulsiveness.

Too much homework.I am too distracted by surroundings.
I just want to immerse myself in books.
I just want to run away from all the stress.
Can?
Bestf, i miss u.
Got to many things to share with u.
Hope to see u soon.

奇怪

奇怪，
很奇怪。
感觉很奇怪。
是我奇怪，
还是这个世界奇怪呢？
我就是喜欢做个奇怪的孩子。
我就是可以这样奇怪的开心。

好累

最近我真的好累，
好像回到了prelim的时候。
老病又复发了。
头痛的要死，
可能又要靠吃药来睡觉了。
好累，真的好累。
我好像好像好好的睡一觉，
哪怕不醒来也好。

Holiday is finishing soon.
I haven't been do much things as i expected.
ANyway still quite a meaningful holiday.
Ushering and TDP are two things keep me smiling.
Initially i thought TDP will turn out to be as boring as anyother workshop i had before.
But it's not true.
Especially with those people around.
Every moment is a memory.
Went out with other group people from TDP to watch the legend of the sea.
Seriously,i dunno many of them.
But we still have a lot of fun on the bus.
K box is fun.
But i didn't enjoy that much
Not in the mood to sing.
Today's filming is an unique experience that i will never forget.
Coz i am the director.
Hope it will helpe me to get an A for LMS.
I really put in a lot of effort for it.
Tmr my schedule will be damn packed.
Food race with Ivy,Larry,Justin and whom so ever.
Then having tuition with cute devil.
SOmemore got why qing gong dinner.
Last i have to go for serene's birthday party.
why can't i have a day of peace to rest and study?

Oh.ya.I forget to praise someone for being so considerate.
I am not suaning him,
but just to tell the truth.
He rememebered all our classmates's birthday,
from Kim to Horace and now Zi Ning.
He always initiated to celebrate ppl's birthday.
Haha..He should knows who he is.

TDP seminar..

I am tired. SUper tired.
My eyes are red.
But i still want to blog about the seminar.
Generally it's rather fun.
I do enjoy it.
It somehow boost my confidence.
I think i need to have this type of seminar very often to boost my morale.
There are really a lot of talented or academically bright people in NP.
I can;t believe that NYGH graduates are coming to NP.
Seriously, it rather freaks me out.
But I am not scared.Why should i?
My confidence is back.
I need to open up myslef more,
don't restrict myslef too much.
Then i can be better in my things.
Releash the hidden potential.

My group members are not too nice nor too bad.
We always to have to work with all kinds of people.
It's a good chance to learn.
Got to know some funny people.
Do i look very old?
Justin, from logistic kept on calling me matured,
while i am just one month older than him.
But it's rather great to know him.
He made me laugh all the way through lunch and tea break.
There are some people who i can really click with(that's what i am thinking)
but so sade,most of them are not in my group.
Two more days to go.
Tmr i am going to do stupid things.
haha.wish me good luck

A video only for u..My bestie.

Hey,bestie.I know u r stressed recently.So i made this short video esp for u.
i dun have much time, so the quality of it isn't that optimal.So just bear with it.
Hope u will feel better after seeing the video

Firstly, I have apologise for misbehaviour today.I am sorry if i spoilt the happy mood.I just cannot pretend to be happy after i picked up the call from my mum.
Went out for class outing.Catch the movie Fantastic Four(can't remember the full name)Went to the balcony of the vivo city.Everything seems so fine.ANd then i received the call from my mum.The same threatening tone to urge me home.She have been using this tone for the past 18 yrsFor every little tiny micro thing.My mood was totally destoryed.I can't imagin what she will be going to do when i am homed.The same thing.Parents always think they are right.Esp in single parent famlily,the parent is often more dominating.U have no one to stand on ur side even if she is wrong.What u can do is just listen and stand all the nonsense.

I know bringing me up single handed is a difficult process,but does that means u have the right to designated my life.I am this kind of person.Born in this way, a way that is different from hers.Why must force me to be the typical 乖小孩?i am not means i am not.I can never be one if i am not one.

I am rather rebellious.I am not fillial.I dun buy anything during mother's day.For once, i tried to appease her by scoring well.What did she said?People's parents are giving them monetary rewards for their good results.I dun expect anything of that sort coz i know my family's financial condition.I only want a few lines of praise, to assure me.But what did i get beside nagging and threatening?

I am a little kid.I am childish at times.So if u saw my tears,just pretend u didnt't see, so that i can still act strong.我要当女强人，我不喜欢脆弱的自己。

Being Happy!

Yes.I am back to the happy mood.
Actually being more accurate,i should say that i am trying to bring myself back to the happy mood.
Today i didn't quarrelled as much as yesterday coz someone changed his attitude,
Actually being nice is not easy.
And being consistenly nice will be a more difficult task.
Today Serene invited me to her birthday party.
I didn't expect that she will invite me.
She didn't invite many people from MA.
Feel so honoured and so blessed.
Pretty,chatty,yet u won't feel distant.
Going to buy her a huge present(Must see my financial condition first)

Seriously,i dun want to list out every single thing of my life.
That will my blog as boring as some others.
Sorry for telling the truth.I am a straight forward person.

ANd now i wrote this section especially for my bestfriend.
R u delighted to see this?
I want our friendship to go on forever.
A friendship for life.
So we have to groom it.
I don't want to see us become distant due to difference in school.
It does happen to some of my other friends and me.
I am sorry that i can't stay over at ur house.
Really hope to have a long chat with u.
But we can still meet up,
to catch up with one another.
Dun miss me too much,ok?
U r forever my best best best friend.Happy?
hehe.

I copied this post from my another blog,which is quite old post.But i think it's very me.
矛盾

很矛盾。
真的很矛盾。
越来越不喜欢讲话，
什么都埋在心里。
这就是我。
喜欢看爱情零度C，
更喜欢伟翔这个角色。
什么事都埋在心里，
更我真的很像。
有时候，真的对自己失去信心。
我美吗？
我够厉害吗？
我能成功吗？
我能找到爱情吗？
看了太多厉害的人，漂亮的人，
多才多艺的人，我才真的认识到自己的渺小。
原来，我真的不值得任何人的关心。
也许以后的我会去出家，
当个尼姑。
可是我的神不是佛，
我就是我的神。
从不能为了快乐就放弃自己。
也许我会在30岁的时候退休，
隐居埋名，
到泰国的小村子住下。
但是我放得下未完成的梦吗？
我是喜欢平静，
乡下的生活是我的憧憬。
但是一个人的日子毕竟是孤单的。

熟悉的HOUGANG MALL也装修过了。
以前的感觉也不在。
其实，过了这么久，那段日子还是我最怀念的。
我还是一样的喜欢听老歌，
特别是YESTERDAY ONCE MORE。

Today i am quite happy.
Infa paper is easy.
And earlier in the morning got to see Xin Jian.
The sight of seeing him make me feel happy.
He is always smiling.
Haha..I sound like a little kid.

Had our first class outing.
Dined at Seoul Garden.
Nothing much to say about.
I am neither too happy nor too sad.
I am just tired.
Mentally tired.
Keep bickering with Sylvester.
其实我不介意你们整天开我的玩笑，
只要大家开心。
我不是小气的人。
很喜欢这种感觉，
中学的时候都没有。
大家都懒得理Each Other，
讲话都很少，
谁还管开不开玩笑。


Mum doesn't give me the permission to stay over at bestf's house
coz i am sick.Haiz
AFterall,i am still a kid.
Immature kid,with immature mindset.

Lack of motivation to do everything.
Mayb i think too much again.
Wish me can be happy and always!

Totally Disappointed!

I tried not to be emotional,but i just can't.
Super disappointed!
I can't believe i am such a failture.
I thought that is the last thing that i can excel in,
but it turns out to another disappointed.
Making me feel more disheartening that ever.
Is it how my life should be?
I know i shouldn't be thinking this way.
I am too stubborn.
when many setbacks come at one go,
it simply can crush the vulnerable me to death.

Most of the times,
I tried to be strong.
Actually i have never been strong enough to face anything.
Today i cried.
I cried like a little kid.
It's not a big deal!
Not getting the scholarship is not a big deal!
But for the past two months,
for all the interview i have been through.
I succedd in nothing.
PSP,
Ambassador,
NYAA subcom for the camp,
BA envoy.
It simply indicates that i am a good at nothing.

Is there anything that can help me regain my confidence?
I will be delighted with a small small thing.
One thing i am very glad is that i have meet angels today.
All my angelic friends.
Thank you so much.
I love you all forover.
Wish me good luck.

I just realize i really dunno about many things.
I dunno about myself.
I dunno about others.
The most serious problem is that i dunno what is on my mind.

Nobody make me feel like crying after so long.
But there is one thing make me really want to cry.
After chatting with Darwis,I just realize i really need to do some self reflections.
I should go back to the one that i used to be.
And stop being blinded by materlial needs in reality.
I have been lost for too long.
it's time to find myself back.
The passionate me,
The romantic me,
the one with energy,
the one that can simply ignore the whole world.

Let me comment about my class.
Today i am super sick
Didn't expect all the gals to wait for me outside the exam hall.
I am really touched when i heard that they are waiting for me.
The econs paper is easy.No comments about the exam.
Stay at library before went for the ushering interview.
Supposed to study.
But i really can't study with a group of people.
My classmates started to making fun of me again.
Haha..seriously i don't mind.
They mean no harm.
And only close friends will joke with you around.
Otherwise they will simply ignore you.
I enjoy the feeling with them around.
I dun really care about the result of the ushering duty.
They don't choose me is their own loss.
I am not jobless.

Went home with Sylvester.
Actually it's i don't want to take bus alone,
so i decided to accompany him go CCK and then change bus back to Bukit Batok.
Have this bet about whether there is 187 at the bus stop.
In the end,i lost.
I really dunno CCK very well though i am been there a few times.
I am very poor already.
But no choice.
愿赌服输。

I really hope to get the scholarship.
God, if there is any.Pls just grant my wish for once.
Pls..

I am sick.

Finally, i have fallen into the hand of illness.
I am sick.
It seems i am looking forward to be sick,
so that i can do less things and think less.
But the feeling of being sick isn't good.
U feel like your nose is going to drop out anytimes.
Lack of energy.
And most importantly tmr is common test.
I didn't study much
Coz i am not in the right mood to study.
Wish me can recover soon.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Dunno where to begin.
The entire week i am simply too tired.
Almost everyday there is something for me to feel exhausted.
Luckily holiday is coming.
Otherwise i will die of exhaustion.

Thus went K box with all my dearest working buddies.
I am still singing those old songs that i used to sing.
One thing i am very pissed is about some immature little kid,
who doesn't have a brain to think properly.
I think i have shown a very dark face.
that's why she managed to change in the end.
Not a happy outing.
Partially because of my bloody mood swing.
Not a bad one.
At least i met my dearest wen ting and yu lin.

Met shell and had heart to heart talk again.
Life isn't easy.
no matter where is it.
JC or Poly.
We then started to reminisce about the old days.
About our secondary school classes.
I suddenly miss Alwin a lot.
It will be good if i can see him again.haha

Yesterday Japanese class is super fun.
This is the first time i talk to so many classmates.
In the past, we don't used to talk to one another much.
There are so many interesting people in my class.
One discovery i have made is that the sissy guy(well, i always find him very gay looking)
is not really that bad.
Our speaking test is damn terrible.
Hiroko Sensei was trying very hard to control her laughter when me and my partner were speaking.
I dunno what's so funny about it.
But her laughter finally outburst at the end of our conversation.

Common test is coming.
I am going to study very hard for it.
I want to apply for scholarship again if i dun get it this year.
Wish me good luck..

I wished him happy birthday.
Only four words.
And nothing much.
Things have changed.
So is me.
I feel nothing towards him.
No longer the dependent feeling that i used to have.

I bet he still remember of who i am.
I doubt he will.
I do miss the old times.
WHich is many many years ago.
I am still young and innocent.
I think i can never have such feelings ago.
I am no longer the passionate me.

Do i miss him?
I think i don't.
But i still wish him happy birthday each year.
From then till now.
2003 to 2007.
Being stupid.
I spent too much times and feelings on him.
曾经特别年轻。
That's the only reason i can think of to explain my behaviour.

I know our story can never end.
Being more precise, it's my feeling for him will never end.
He will always be there as a part of mine memory.

Looking forward to Thurs.
Going to meet bestf
To destress in K box.
I think i am simply too stressed for the past few days.

昨天心情很不好。
一路上都不讲话。
当我突然不讲话，
开始唱歌的时候，
证明我心情真的很不好。
不知道自己怎么会这样，
病得越来越严重。
又有哪些不该想的想法。
还好有彬跟我一起回家，
不然我可能连家都回不去了。
我就是这样。
改不了了。

坠落人家的天使，
厌倦的人家的邪恶。
可是失去的翅膀根本找不回，
唯一的办法就是赌上一局。
上不了天堂，就下地狱。

I start to having weird thoughts again.
If i can pursue something that i am really interested in,
if i can find something to commit myself in.

Yesterday's table tennis training is tough and stressful.
I know that i am not good.
But it's the fun that matters.
Why one must be good at it in order to enjoy it?
The world is simply too realistic.
I just cannot stand it.
Maybe one day i will really do as what i have planned.
Find a remote place in the village or mountain,
where there is no competition nor internal conflicts.
wake up with the nature surrounded u.
Feeling so peaceful yet satisfied.
But dreams are still dreams.
We can't keep running away from reality.

Tmr i am going out with Ahka ppl.
Luckily Grace is going.
Otherwise i dun think i will be going.
I am not really close with them.
Spending a night out in Xin Jian's house will be a torture if we dun click.
Wish me good luck for everything.(Sorry, i am a bit greedy)

Down with Luck

It seems i am down with my luck for this week.
The fact is that i am not good enough.
I am just using this as an excuse.

I am feeling useless when i know i didn't get in.
I started to doubt about my ability.
What can i really do?
I have no idea at all.
Congrats to Sylvester, wish he can make it through.
Though i am depressed, there is one thing i am super glad.
That is my lovely classmates.
They know i am sad,
so they tried to cheer me up.
Thank u.
Kim Man, Hiu Tung, Sylvester and Horace.
U all make my day.

Another thing i have to say is that
Han Sen is really super nice.
Monday morning he actually woke up early to send me to school.
(My house is quite far away from his)
So touched.
Really glad to have such friends.
Thank God(BTW do i sound very Christian like?)

I am sad.
Reasons?
Unknow.
I just want to cry out loud.
But how?
When is the last time i dropped my tears?
Long Long time ago.
我忘了哭，忘了笑，也忘记了自己。

Today i was super depressed.
I didn't get chosen for the camp commitee.
Actually from yesterday, i was depressed.
Though it's a small matter, i simply think too much.
But luckily there are friends around.
I am really glad to have them.
There are 4 people who brighten up my day.
Yu Zhen is really nice.
I think he has the potential to be a counsellor.
It would be nice if he changed the way he speaks.
Btw the way he joke around is really....
uncommentable.

Shell Chi called me up though she was so tied up with her homework.
I really miss her a lot..
Haven been seeing her for about 2 weeks.
Bestie,I really do hope u can call me when u r free.
I miss ur voice.
Most importantly, my phone bill matters.

I want to go to Rasa and work.
I miss the times when we were working there.
With so many friends around.
But school is simply too busy.
I dun even have time to rest properly.
Yu Lin was as depressed as me.
Mayb i affected her too much.
I really dun want to see her sad.
I think i really should spend more times with her.
To cheer her up instead of making her cheering me up all the times.

Have dinner with Han Sen.
He is such a nice guy.
I really think it's a loss for her not appreciating him.
Btw i think i know who is she though Han Sen dun want to say.
I wonder if i could have a brother as him
I always do hope to have an older brother.
SOmeone like him.

I should shut down my laptop now.
I still have too much hw to do.
To be continued

Sad

I am sad.
I am very sad.
I just want to cry out loud.

I am questioning my ability.
I start having doubts about myself.
I am experiencing having low self esteem again.

I dunno what to do.
I dunno what to say.
I dunno what to think.

Can someone pacify me?
I really need some support.

真的不知道我到底是怎么了。
我在想什么，
我在做什么，
我一点idea都没有。
邢丹其实早就从这个世界上消失了，
活着的我只不过是给没感觉的机器人。
伤心我不会哭，
开心我不会笑，
失望我不懂得说，
有没有谁能让我再次复活？
哪怕是受伤，
我也不怕。
我真的只想活得想个人，
不是冷漠无情的冷血动物

Interview

Another interview of the week.
I regard this one as a very important one.
Coz money which is the main concern is invovled.
I just got an average for this scholarship interview.
I am quite disappointed.
Dunno whether there will be another one or not.
Hopefully there is another one.

The ambassador interview i had during the week is so much better.
One to one.
Not so stressful.

While on the way home,
I suddenly miss those days when me and bestie jumping around on the orchard road during weekdays.
Those times we were totally over the moon.
Those nights we spent together, chatting with one another.
Memories.
I think i will spend one post just to talk about those things.
Bestie, r u happy to see this?
touched, right?

Time flys really fast.
This is the 4th week of my poly life.
(If i didn't remember wrongly)
Very commentable week.
I have done my first presentation.
Though it's very short and the audience were only my classmates.
I am still very proud of that.
Some clarification problems,
a bit of stutter,
but overall i am still very statisfied.
I want to thank the good lot that i have drawn from Kuan Yin Temple.
For giving me assurance.
And my partner, Sylvester.
We have done a good job.
Oh.ya..I forgot to mention about something.
I wanted to make it formal,
so i wear a shirt.
But my house doesn''t have any suitable skirt for me.
So i wear a mini skirt.
Afterall,i still look very unformal..hehe

Attended the table tennis training on friday.
I think i really have not been exercising for quite a while.
No wonder my body ached like crazy after the training.
I love the training even though there is no coach.
Initially i was playing with the gal from nursing.
She was totally cruel towards the ball, the table and the opponent.
Luckily she was tired to play with me after a while.
Then i started staring at other table to observe how they play.
There is one senior, from BS year 3.(i dunno her name)
She asked me to play with her partner.
Then i began to play with that guy.
Really must thank him for being so patient with me.
I am damn lousy, keep hitting the ball out of the table.
haha..
ANyway it doesn;t matter, it's the fun that matters to me the most

Yesterday the BBQ is quite fun.
Better than i expected.
Have a lot fun while playing the cards.
Poly ppl are scary.
There r some really good drinker.
Actually i am scared too play that game, the drinking game
but since everyone is playin.
So no choice.
Luckily Sky and the others didn't add in so much voaka.
Otherwise i think i will be still sleeping by now..
Ivan was damn suay,
he drunk the entire cup.
I only took a small sip each time.
Aynur came around the end of the BBQ.
I didn't expect her to still remember my name.
So surprised.
She is such a nice gal.
No wonder she can be choosen as Miss BA.
While waiting for bus, yo yo suggested to sing songs.
But my voice is totally out of tone due to the effect of voaka.(Just an excuse)
On the way home, we had a lot fun on the bus.
Serene was speaking in a very drunk way.
Haha..yet she was still claiming she is fine
Luckily there is the someone to send her home.
Otherwise i think i will just sleep on the street.
Tmr is my ambassadors' interview..
WIsh me good luck and all the best

Now i am free and alone at the library.
This is the first time for me to be alone in the library since i was admitted into NP.
Pathetically alone.
But not too bad.
At least i can do some serious business, like preparing myself for the presentation tomorrow.
Yesterday i was too tired to blog,
but a lot interesting things actually happened.
I can't stand those auntie's behaviour.
Kiasuism.
It's just two bottles of chicken essence.
Yet..
Nothing much to say about them.
Zi Peng is so damn funny.
Making me laughing like crzay.
Though he and Chum Lok were calling me names like monsters,
i dun really mind.
Had great fun during the bridge sessions.
The only way to stop Zi Peng crapping is to say out E Wei''s name.
It's a powerful tactic.
Haha...
I am simply being too bitchy.
Today i woke up so damn early for the photoshot.
No choice.
Kai Wen is too busy.
That't the only time slot he is free.
I know i dun look good in photos,
but those photos turned out to be quite nice.
Unbelievable.
I asked Kai Wen how he wants to celebrate his 18th birthday.
Then i realize it seems to be too early to ask this question.
Our birthdays(Coincidenly we were born on the same day same year)
is still 2 more months away.
hehe..I am being too impatient.

I dunno how to start a post.
I dunno how to end a post.
There are many things i dunno in life.
But never mind.
Life still has to carry on.

Today we had a crazy lunch time.
Joice, the crazy women is making us laughing through out the lunch.
THen, i somehow get influenced by her.
I started singing and asking ppl to join BA comm with me.
Went library again.
It seems i have been going library for the past days.
I don't really like to be a recorder for BCA project. I am someone who is not very organized.
I dun really to record down the minutes.

I have nothing much to say about the ambassador games session.
All the people are so enthusiatic about NP ambassadors.
Maybe i should use a inverted comma.
It's not much about game session.It's more about showcasing of ur talents.
Kenny was there, but i didn't seen Hui Mei.
Upon the seeing of Kenny's face. i feel much more relieved.
SInce this kind of person can get into it, why can't i?
haha..The handsome Jonathan is there.

Sylvester has been boardcasting of my results to everyone around.
He said he is proud of me.
I dun think it's a good idea to spread it coz it's already over.
SO i tried to stop him, but...
Went for the NYAA meeting.
It's quite lame.
Nothing much.
WE had played a few games for the sake of knowing more ppl.
Can u imagine a group of 17,18 yr old teenagers are running around and playing hide and seek?
that's what we really did.
CCA points are important.
So Jia you la

In order to make myself back from abnormality, i decided to record my personal life inside my blog.
Most importantly, i want to update shell with my latest news.
We have not been seeing each other for days..
My dear, I really miss secondary school days.
Nothing much to say.
This week is simply too tiring for me.
So much project,
so much homework.
All the people around me, including myself are excellin.
I regretted voluntering to be the first presenter for Business Management,
luckily my partner is Slyvester.
He is a nice guy though he is a joker..
Honestly, i think he will end up together with Kim one day.
They are quite competitable.Haha
I have been hanging out in the library for the past few days.
But i wasn't studying most of the times.
Today i cancelled my job just for the sentosa outing.
Saw many familar faces there.
All the enthu BAians.
Some of the guys are really hot.
But i am not as interested as i did in the past.
The outing is not really a very enjoyable experience.
Get to know a few more seniors.
We all went back before the thing ends.
On the way back home,i was talking to Horace.
Then i realize that not only our class(HS E5)do have class bonding,
there are some classes who are even worse.

I want to go D&D, but recently i am too broke.
There's one reason motivate me to go,
but i don't want to write it out..
hehe...
To be continued..
PS: There are things which i am very pleased and there are things which i am very pissed..

I know that my blog will make ppl unhappy.
No choice if u accidently clicked on my blog.
I am this kind of person.
I am straight forward.
I don't like to hide so much.
If u have see the dark side of me,
that means u will know the real me.
I dunno if i am real or fake.
Still in the process of fingering it out.

An empty shell,
with a dead spirit.
and two splited personality.
That's me.
Hard to change.
I have been trying to change since i was 18.
Afterall,i am still the same.

How can revive myself?
Dunno.
Mayb i am just too tired.
After a nap,
i will be perfectly fine.

Suddenly i just feel like blogging.
Many thing to say.
Though it's only the second week of my poly life,i am totoally stressed out.
Firstly, academics.
I haven't used to the teaching method in poly yet.
I still not very sure about my results.
Many people are aiming to go to uni.
Getting AD is a difficult task.
I want to enjoy the process of successing.
But i want to the ending results to be good as well.
Feeling confused and unsecured.
Secondly,friendship.
So many hi and bye friends in the campus.
Though the number mayb insignificant compared to the number of students in school,
but i still consider the number as huge.
How many true friends?
Not many.
What does this show?
The opportunity cost of networking.
I really wish to get know some true friends in poly.
Lastly, relationship.
I have been living like a nan for the past three years.
Not totally like a nan,
but almost.
I am looking forward to a long lasting relationship,
something that can last until we grow old and die.
I have seen too many weddings.
I am still not immuned by the sight of the wedding.
Especially when the the couple are looking back to their early days.
when they are still schooling.
It's so damn good to sit down together with your old friends,
and looking back the older days.
What is yours will be yours.
I know,
but i just want to have someone to love me.
Sort of desparate,
i am desparate for true love,
not just hot guys.

什么是真，什么是假？什么是黑，什么是白？
我不想知道答案，
答案不能代表什么。
只要你是真的，
其他的什么都不重要。

Sometimes i really wish that i can see through the mind of others.
Human world is far too complicated.
Actually i am quite pissed off yesterday.
Not coz of the fact that i missed out the chance of going up the stage and get the bloody award.
It's more due to someone.
who is that?
Everyone knows.
What kind of frinend is she?
she's not my friend.
Not anymore since she indirectly declaimed that.
I have my principles.
I will not tolerate those people anymore.
It's time for u to learn some lessons.

Never mind about all those useless stuff.
I shall just concentrate on my new life.
Building up a new me in this brand new chapter.
WIsh i will have my dreams come true

好久都没有blog了。总是没有心情，写得东西也太缺少感觉。
昨天，偶然遇到小学同学。才发现原来我在别人的眼中其实是那样。
不过至少当时的我是比较我的我，
可是现在的我，真的对自己太不了解。
我到底是怎样的？是活泼的，是疯的，是忧郁的，是成熟的，还是根本什么都不是？
今天遇到qiu rong，一个中学的朋友。以前跟她不是很熟，可是今天见到了我却有种再见到了老朋友的感觉。
可能因为这几天真的太压抑了，我才会像太多，太多不该想的东西。
想又有什么用，我只会做幻想家，有多少时候我真的付出行动，有多少时候我的行动得到回报过。
所以，没大脑才是最大的幸福。

祝我快乐幸福。

I am feeling weird.
A kind of mixed feelings.
Hard to describe.
Every talk is about the importance of networking,
ya,,i know it's important.
But i jus dunno how to do it.
To achieve the standard of sophiscation.
hard.
Wish all the things can go smoothly.

I am recovered.
Thanks to my dear buddies..
For cheering me up
I finally understand the preciousness of friendship.
When u have it all along,
u will not realize it.
When u r about to lost it,
then u will know how precious it is.
Dears, i will love u all forever.

18th birthday, shell said she will book a chalet for me.
That's something i am looking forward to/
Never have proper celebrations before.
NOt since i was 5..
should be.
If i am not getting senile.
I will not expect much,.
Just something simple and plain.
As long there's someone celebrating with me.
I am more than satisfied.

poly is starting soon.
I have just adjusted my mood.
so i think i should have no more problems with that.
hehe,,
hopefully..
I just wish all my wishes can come true.

Suddenly i feel so depressed..
No i should said i am always depressed。
i just can't control the fluctuation of emotions inside me
I am feeling totally lost.
Have no confidence towards my poly life,
I should be enthusiastic about it.
But i just can't.
Nothing much to talk to my group members in the camp.
I felt so left out sometimes.
Feel like crying in the middle of the dancing session.
Hope it will be fine after school starts.
I want to be the golden graduate,
so i have to try very hard.
For anything and everything.

QUite sick of life,
but i have no intention of dying.
Many things still ahead of me.
I shouldn't waste my life away.
Hope there will be something to cheer me up tmr,
then my mood can be adjusted to the happy mood.

I really hope everything will be smooth sailing as what i expected for my poly life . I can't afford any more obstacles..

I am a weird child.
Become even weird now..
SO thick skin.Ask ppl to be my brother..
WHen can i be as normal as the rest?
If only..

Nothing much to say.
I simply dunno what i want.
Getting more and more confused.Otherwise i will know foresee my fate by using Tarot Cards.
It's pretty accurate.
Mayb i can be rich,
but not happy.
So what can i do to make myself happier?

Dunno what to say.
I am totally disappointed with the way that my life goes.
Still too far away from my dream.
It seems all the good men in this world are either attached or have someone in their mind.
All the good men are taken by either those girls who are better than u or those girls who are more cunning than u...
Sad to say that..
Please visit eggyplanet.blogspot.com.
my sales is not good.
WHen u r free, browse through the ads as well.
I am going Ngee Ann soon.
Hope my life can start afresh

My site has been deserted for a long time.
Most of the time i was busying working.
Working occupies most of my time.
Though it's tiring, i do enjoy doing that some times.
Who ask me not to be born with the silver spoon in mouth?
I can't just say no to working anytime i like.
Business is not so good,
but never mind.
As long as i can sold out all the items,
then i am happy.

I am already old.
Almost dying.
Yet there's nothing i have done to make myself proud.
my dreams,
it seems i am not getting any nearer to it.
Instead,i have been driven further from it.
I am already 18.
How many 18 can i have in my life?
My love.
i am almost totally callous now.
no feeling towards anything.
Maybe because the right one haven't appear.
But when is it going to happen?
10 years,
20 years,
maybe none in a life time...
To be continued

Just a short post.
To all my friends who are concerned about me,
don't worry.
I am always fine.
Myabe sometimes i will say things that are too extreme.
It's just my style of writing and thinking.
It's just me.
Too hard for me to change.

I am going back this wed.
So happy that many ppl actually ask me the date that i am coming back.
I promise to those who treat me well,
i will buy u a present even if i am bankrupt.
I don't know why i am feeling downcast toward the returning journey.
I thought i am always expecting this day to come.
Haiz..
contradicting..
To be continued....

Just wanna say something in my blog in this brand new yr.
I know that not many ppl is reading my blog,but it's alright.
My blog is my dairy,it's for my own usage.
I am 18.
Though still a few months to go to the official date.
2007 minus 1989 is still equal to 18.
I am old.
Half way on the journey to the heavenly realm.
I am still lonely.
I tried to burn myself out to restrain me from feeling lonely,
in the end.
I failed.
Whenever i am free,
I start to have strange thoughts again.

I am evil.
No, i am always very evil.
I am almost as evil as Cynderalla's stepmother.
Er...Now it's the starting of the year.
I should say something more positive instead.
But if i did,
will that still be me?

My new year wishes:
Slim down.
Become the top GCE O level scholar of year 2006!
Not to be lonely.
Get a boyfriend???maybe.Only if anyone wants me..
Stay happy..Too difficult for me..
Maintain good relationships with all my friends and all the people i know.
Last but not least, let that dream of mine come true.
Happy New Year.....