I hate school.
Though some modules actually managed to grab my attention,like audit 2 and AFA,
the fact of going to school doesn't entice me.
I don't feel good attending lectures and even tutorials.
I hate going to school all alone,
feeling like a nobody,
hanging with people of different frequency,
not getting the attention as I used to have.
The feeling is not good.
Yes.Life got to move on.
One cannot stay onto the same place for long.
But I don't wish my final year to be this way.
Maybe it's my attitude that hinder myself from moving on.
I am too used to be who I am,
I am too used to be arrogant and not taking the initiative to make friends.
Everyone else is changing to be better, only me is getting worse.
Today I gave it a miss to meet my fellow villagers.
I am tired and I am feeling really sucky if that's the correct word to use.
I think my life is in a mess, neither here or there.
It there's any way to change it, I will do it.
Now the problem is I cannot find the way, I am lost.
I am going back to the same old job.
Working in the banquet department is something I detest,
Reason being I hate the fact to let my pride to be humilated and trashed by those managers.
No choice, I need a job.
If I want some changes to my life,
I need money.I hate where I am now, so I need to change.
If I want to retire at age of 40, I need to do something now.
I need to talk, I need to cry,I need to let it all out.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
People that I love to hang out with.
Short of Xue Feng.That one that is missing forever.
My house's internet is a bit problematic, that's why I can hardly upload any pictures.
Well, I think this semester that I should go on with a new direction.
Do something that I always want to do;
Do something that I always like to do.
I want to slim down, have a nicer figure than my out of shape body.
I want to look nicer, so that...
I want this and I want that.
And I am going to start doing them now!
Thursday is coming!Me love thursday!
Short of Xue Feng.That one that is missing forever.
My house's internet is a bit problematic, that's why I can hardly upload any pictures.
Well, I think this semester that I should go on with a new direction.
Do something that I always want to do;
Do something that I always like to do.
I want to slim down, have a nicer figure than my out of shape body.
I want to look nicer, so that...
I want this and I want that.
And I am going to start doing them now!
Thursday is coming!Me love thursday!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Empty
I never feel so empty.Now That's how i feel.First time attending lecture without my gang.Suddenly there's nobody to joke with me in the lecture hall.Suddenly there's nobody to go crazy with me.
Suddenly i miss them so much.
Mayb it's good for me to learn to be independent.I have become so reliant on them,tat's why i am feeling so empty now.
A semester of training for me to get use to the adult world.
Imagine a life without society,without my gang,i don't know how am i going to take it.
Suddenly i miss them so much.
Mayb it's good for me to learn to be independent.I have become so reliant on them,tat's why i am feeling so empty now.
A semester of training for me to get use to the adult world.
Imagine a life without society,without my gang,i don't know how am i going to take it.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Back from chalet
Just came back from society chalet.
Well,I tried a lot of new things.
Fishing, cycling from east coast to changi and looking at trans in the middle of the night.
Of course, i had fun though it's not all the times.
I don't know what is happening to me nowadays,
at some point of time, I will just set myself in wonders.
Like before I go to sleep, when i was fishing and when i was gazing at the stars.
I tried not to think too much and just talk and behave like a normal person.
But this weirdness in me is making me behave abnormally.
My mentanlity is simply too dramatic, far off the ground.
At least,I have answers for a few things for myself.
1.Should I join back MC?
I won't.It's definite unless something exceptional happens.Though I miss the unitness and sense of achievement,However, the other side of joining the society cannot be neglected too.
It's constantly making me feel insecured. Sometimes it just make me wonder who is my true friend and who is not.I am already someone who is feeling so insecured almost all the times. I don't want to make it worse and I want to do something I like,for example, volunteering work, traveling and learning tennis.
2.What is happening to me?
I think I am getting more and more paranoid, even little things are making me worried. I found it hard to trust people.I found it tough to talk to people seriously. And I found it hard to believe in myself. My emotions are not properly controlled. Any unhappiness I will just dispose inside me. Singing isn't working anymore.
3.Will I ever be in love again?
Most probably no and highly unlikely no.Firstly,I am not attrative,in terms of appearance and character. If I am a guy,I won't be interested in people like me. Secondly, I am still dwelling too much on my past. I think it had a very huge impact on me, on the way I handle my relationship and my one sided love. When i passed by places like changi airport and east coast park, the memories flashed back to me again. Though there are inmaterial, I still cannot resist to think about them. I can picture myself being alone in 10, 20 or even 50 years times. It's ok to be alone especially when I have been alone for so many years.
School is restarting soon.New semester, new attitude and new me.
Well,I tried a lot of new things.
Fishing, cycling from east coast to changi and looking at trans in the middle of the night.
Of course, i had fun though it's not all the times.
I don't know what is happening to me nowadays,
at some point of time, I will just set myself in wonders.
Like before I go to sleep, when i was fishing and when i was gazing at the stars.
I tried not to think too much and just talk and behave like a normal person.
But this weirdness in me is making me behave abnormally.
My mentanlity is simply too dramatic, far off the ground.
At least,I have answers for a few things for myself.
1.Should I join back MC?
I won't.It's definite unless something exceptional happens.Though I miss the unitness and sense of achievement,However, the other side of joining the society cannot be neglected too.
It's constantly making me feel insecured. Sometimes it just make me wonder who is my true friend and who is not.I am already someone who is feeling so insecured almost all the times. I don't want to make it worse and I want to do something I like,for example, volunteering work, traveling and learning tennis.
2.What is happening to me?
I think I am getting more and more paranoid, even little things are making me worried. I found it hard to trust people.I found it tough to talk to people seriously. And I found it hard to believe in myself. My emotions are not properly controlled. Any unhappiness I will just dispose inside me. Singing isn't working anymore.
3.Will I ever be in love again?
Most probably no and highly unlikely no.Firstly,I am not attrative,in terms of appearance and character. If I am a guy,I won't be interested in people like me. Secondly, I am still dwelling too much on my past. I think it had a very huge impact on me, on the way I handle my relationship and my one sided love. When i passed by places like changi airport and east coast park, the memories flashed back to me again. Though there are inmaterial, I still cannot resist to think about them. I can picture myself being alone in 10, 20 or even 50 years times. It's ok to be alone especially when I have been alone for so many years.
School is restarting soon.New semester, new attitude and new me.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Confused, sad and disappointed.
I am confused now.
Coz I don't know what choice should I make.
It is worse than last year.
I like this feeling.
I hope to make it last.
But at the same times,
I also miss the feeling of being free and easy.
There's a lot of things I need and want to do.
I am sad.
Coz the year 3s are leaving.
We can hardly to see them around in school already.
I can still remember vividly when I was year 1,
when Jerel was my ASCO and SF.
I also remember when I was sub-com,,
the year 3s are there to guide us.
Now they are going to leave us.
I am disappointed.
Coz my hairstyle is really weird.
Obviously that's not the reason.
I am disappointed with my class.
I thought I was going to be the same class as someone.
But then I am not.
Not fated.
And I think I can stop dreaming.
I always dream too much.
Time to come back to the reality.
Coz I don't know what choice should I make.
It is worse than last year.
I like this feeling.
I hope to make it last.
But at the same times,
I also miss the feeling of being free and easy.
There's a lot of things I need and want to do.
I am sad.
Coz the year 3s are leaving.
We can hardly to see them around in school already.
I can still remember vividly when I was year 1,
when Jerel was my ASCO and SF.
I also remember when I was sub-com,,
the year 3s are there to guide us.
Now they are going to leave us.
I am disappointed.
Coz my hairstyle is really weird.
Obviously that's not the reason.
I am disappointed with my class.
I thought I was going to be the same class as someone.
But then I am not.
Not fated.
And I think I can stop dreaming.
I always dream too much.
Time to come back to the reality.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
All about BAOC
BAOC 2009 is over.
It's the 3rd BAOC I have been through.
BAOC 2007 I was a performer;
BAOC 2008 I was a subcom;
BAOC 2009 I was the vice president.
Different roles, different feeling.
It's a tough journey for this one year in BA society.
All the thick and thins.
Sometimes, I feel really lousy and wanted to give up.
Luckily there are friends who supported me and guide me along.
Thank you so much.
Through this one year, I think I really learnt and grown.
Not just become more experienced in events planning,
Also become more sophiscated and matured.
Now everything is over.
I feel both relieved and sad.
Relieved as I have my freedom back,
I don't have to bear with people I don't like.
I feel sad as it's over.
We can rarely gather together again.
Good times do not last.
That's why they are kept in memories.
I wanted to write more about BAOC, about BA society.
But there are too many things on my mind.
About people, about my life is BA society
Maybe I shall write another times when I am feeling more peaceful.
Friday met up with my lovely friends.
Every friday is the day I love the most.
Though I gave it a miss sometimes due to some reasons,
I know how important they are to me.
A true friend worth a thousand times than those so calle friends.
I am glad to found them in poly.
A good sleep;
A good dream.
It's the 3rd BAOC I have been through.
BAOC 2007 I was a performer;
BAOC 2008 I was a subcom;
BAOC 2009 I was the vice president.
Different roles, different feeling.
It's a tough journey for this one year in BA society.
All the thick and thins.
Sometimes, I feel really lousy and wanted to give up.
Luckily there are friends who supported me and guide me along.
Thank you so much.
Through this one year, I think I really learnt and grown.
Not just become more experienced in events planning,
Also become more sophiscated and matured.
Now everything is over.
I feel both relieved and sad.
Relieved as I have my freedom back,
I don't have to bear with people I don't like.
I feel sad as it's over.
We can rarely gather together again.
Good times do not last.
That's why they are kept in memories.
I wanted to write more about BAOC, about BA society.
But there are too many things on my mind.
About people, about my life is BA society
Maybe I shall write another times when I am feeling more peaceful.
Friday met up with my lovely friends.
Every friday is the day I love the most.
Though I gave it a miss sometimes due to some reasons,
I know how important they are to me.
A true friend worth a thousand times than those so calle friends.
I am glad to found them in poly.
A good sleep;
A good dream.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
How capable am I?
I don't know.
I really found myself at a lost.
So many things I have not done.
And the worst thing is that I thought it will be go well.
The fact is it seems not going so well.
I don't want to let anyone down.
I don't want to make myself regret.
I don't want any crop up due to my mistake.
I just hope it will go smoothly.
I need help.
Seriously.
I am no longer me.
I don't know.
I really found myself at a lost.
So many things I have not done.
And the worst thing is that I thought it will be go well.
The fact is it seems not going so well.
I don't want to let anyone down.
I don't want to make myself regret.
I don't want any crop up due to my mistake.
I just hope it will go smoothly.
I need help.
Seriously.
I am no longer me.
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