Back from chalet

Just came back from society chalet.
Well,I tried a lot of new things.
Fishing, cycling from east coast to changi and looking at trans in the middle of the night.
Of course, i had fun though it's not all the times.

I don't know what is happening to me nowadays,
at some point of time, I will just set myself in wonders.
Like before I go to sleep, when i was fishing and when i was gazing at the stars.
I tried not to think too much and just talk and behave like a normal person.
But this weirdness in me is making me behave abnormally.
My mentanlity is simply too dramatic, far off the ground.

At least,I have answers for a few things for myself.
1.Should I join back MC?
I won't.It's definite unless something exceptional happens.Though I miss the unitness and sense of achievement,However, the other side of joining the society cannot be neglected too.
It's constantly making me feel insecured. Sometimes it just make me wonder who is my true friend and who is not.I am already someone who is feeling so insecured almost all the times. I don't want to make it worse and I want to do something I like,for example, volunteering work, traveling and learning tennis.

2.What is happening to me?
I think I am getting more and more paranoid, even little things are making me worried. I found it hard to trust people.I found it tough to talk to people seriously. And I found it hard to believe in myself. My emotions are not properly controlled. Any unhappiness I will just dispose inside me. Singing isn't working anymore.

3.Will I ever be in love again?
Most probably no and highly unlikely no.Firstly,I am not attrative,in terms of appearance and character. If I am a guy,I won't be interested in people like me. Secondly, I am still dwelling too much on my past. I think it had a very huge impact on me, on the way I handle my relationship and my one sided love. When i passed by places like changi airport and east coast park, the memories flashed back to me again. Though there are inmaterial, I still cannot resist to think about them. I can picture myself being alone in 10, 20 or even 50 years times. It's ok to be alone especially when I have been alone for so many years.

School is restarting soon.New semester, new attitude and new me.