I don't really care about what others are doing.
Notes to myself:Focus on your goal, focus on what you want in life,not what others want from your life

A lot of times I maybe unrealistic about certain things,
But I dont' really care.
We cannot afford to care so much.
Hopefully I can have more concentration in studying.
Good luck for me for my exams.

Learn to cherish

Today I was talking to my mum about how lucky I am,I realized that I am really lucky in a lot of ways.
I was born in a single parent family, but I have a wonderful mum.
My family isn't well off, but luckily I am smart enough not to go for tuition.
I was worrying about my loan, then someone dropped down from the sky to help me.
The bursary amount is just nice, so that I don't need to pay a single cent in cash.

I would say that I am really fortunate.
I guess instead of curse and swear about how unfortunate I am as compare to other people who are better off, I should appreciate how lucky I am.
If I wasn't lucky, I won't be surviving until today.

My life is getting better and better,
I must learn how to cherish it.
If not, nothing is going to last.

Happy friday

Friday have a lot of reasons for us to be happy.
Travelled all the way across the country early in the morning to attend T.Harv Eker's seminar.
Learnt a few things through the seminar.
Hopefully I can apply those things in life.
Most importantly, a good chance to network.

Met Angel and Kuan Huey for lunch.
It feels so wonderful to see them again.
And it reminds me of my internship days.
Back to Citi everything seems different, yet it is the same.
Perhaps the feeling is different. Anyway managed to talk to my eye candy.
Haha.He is still as cute as usual.

Saw Mr Enterprenuer at his fair at Expo.
He may not be very successful now,
But I think he will definitely go far in life.
Gonna learn from him.
Salsa is fun today.
The girls' talk is even better.
It made me look forward to next year:)

I really need to find a job during the holiday.
please give me a full time job,so that I can do things I want.

Gonna find a job during Jan break.
Loathe to take money from my mum when she is so sick and she rarely spend money on herself.
Well..I am 21 years old, going to be 22 next year.
Yet I still cannot provide for myself.
What a shame!
Gonna do something to turn the situation around.
Plus I think I will feel better to be self sufficient.

Life is a succession of lessons

This year I have gone through a lot and I learnt a lot of things.
This year I almost made a huge mistake and luckily God wakes me up.
This year I start to appreciate things which I have missed out previously.
This year I am more and more certain about what I want in life.

I am different, in a lot ways.
I do feel the pressure about conforming to social norms sometimes.
However, if I really do, then I will lose out myself.
I should be more persistent about the way that I want to live my life.
Life is not a copyphoto machine.

Went to Ashley's place on sunday.
Meet a lot of Philipino friends.
I guess that I know more Philipino than PRC now.
What a weird thing!
Perhaps I should be visit Manila sometimes soon>
Manila seems to be an interesting place.

Christmas is coming.
Looking forward to gatherings with my old and new friends.
Will be travelling across the country from friday to sunday.
Somehow it reminds me of my citi days.
Perhaps I should meet them for lunch.

He is cute, isn't he?
God, are you trying to tell me something?

Dislike about the fact that religion is in conflict with friendship.
My beliefs and valued do not change over night.
Anyway Christmas is coming.
I can feel the Christmas amosphere everywhere.
Cannot wait for Christmas to come.
Christmas is the best time of the year.
But before that I need to do well for my exam first.
Gonna study hard and make myself proud.

Marketing is making me to have headache.
Now I really wish tues can be over soon.
Though I don't have much chance to see Mr Potato Chips again.

Salsa lesson is as fun as usual.
More salsa lesson during Jan break.
M is going to move in with me during Jan break.
woohoo..I don't have to stay in hall alone le.
And we can learn salsa together.
Talking to Mr nice made me feel like a kid.
Not exactly a bad feeling..haha..

Mum called me when I was shopping for groceries.
She said why can't you talk to me for a longer time?
I felt bad upon hearing that.
I am nelgecting her.
She is my only kin in this world.
I shall be nicer to my mum from tomorrow onwards.

Another dark phase of my life

I know I am going to another dark phase of my life. I lost my motivation.I feel lost.I doubt about my ability.I don't know who are my friends. And I start to wonder if my life is a real failure.What if this situation continues?i don't know what i will do it. i hope that i can find a way out.i need help.

I need motivation

Sometimes I feel really lost.
Since the start of my uni,
this balance is not properly restored.
Without motivation,
there is nothing I can do.

Should I move back to stay with my mum?
Maybe it's going to make me happier.

Slowly I will find more people with the similiar goals.
Together we will progress.
Together we will learn.

I am wonderful coz of the way I am.

Such time as this

I was at the young woman's conference at botanic garden yesterday.
It made me realized a lot of things.
Just the day before I was submerging myself in self pity,
the next day they are talking about it at the conference.
Well, it's not really like a conference.
It's more like a sharing session.
Totally agreed with the points that Ali Smith mentioned.

A few key take away from the conference:
1.Woman knows woman the best,so never forget about your female friends;
2. Life is a choice.You can either spiral yourself down in self pity,or you can live happily without thinking too much.
3.God has the right one for you.It's just a matter of time.
I guess I am not so against having a religion nowadays,especially after so many changes took place this year.
Without those faith, I may not be able to stand up again.
Or I may have totally lost myself.

I shall focus more on the things I enjoy doing,
Stop wasting time on things that you don't really wish to do.
It's ok not to behave like people around you,
As long as you believe it's the right,then just do it.
And leave the baggage behind.Put the past behind.
Hopefully I can do things according to the list.

Yesterday I had a dream about this friend.
Kind of weird, don't know how he comes into my dream.
Never mind,it's just a dream.

Hope

I decided to delete off the emo post that I posted yesterday.
Afterall, my life isn't that bad.
It gets better and better nowadays.
The only reason is that I don't appreciate what I have.
I always compare myself with other people's life.
Why don't you treasure what you already have?

I always complain about being alone, having no friends.
But the fact is I know that I have friends out there care for me.
Sometimes I just shut my door and refuse to let them come in.
I refuse to accept other people's kindess.
How can you expect people to care about you when you don't even care about yourself?

Actually throughout the years, i have made quite a number of good friends.
My secondary school friends, my poly friends, my attachment friends,my BA society friend, my work friend and many more.
I have met so many awesome and wonderful people.
Yesterday when I was emoing on facebook, Wen who I have met only once when she is in Singapore have encouraged me.
Cassie even came to deliver medicine for me after her work.
What else can I expect?

My life is wonderful now, is it?
I am in the same uni as bestie.
I have the freedom to do whatever I want.
I am doing quite ok in school.
My mum loves me and cares so much for me.

Drop all the negative thoughts and start to live for the present.
You only live once.
Treasure what you have at the moment and have no regrets.

Have I made the wrong choice by moving out and moving into NTU?
I think so.
Personally I don't enjoy staying in hall and going to school.
I made too much comparison about NP and NTU.
I tried so hard to think positively,
but this thing is affecting my mood seriously.
I am kind of depressed lately.

Unlike Hui Hui, who found a way to express out her feelings.
I have no idea who to tell and how to tell people that I am depressed.
Sometimes I really want to cry out loud, but my tears just doesn't come out.
At some point, I thought that my life is improving.
I am in uni, I can afford to pay living expenses myself.
I can afford to go travel.
But it just don't seems to be the case.
I am not any happier. Rather I was happier last time.So much.

Uncertainty creates thrill, but too uncertainty causes fear.
Sometimes I wish that I can settle down, have some stablity in life too.
I hate about moving, not having a house on my own.
Everyone else has a home, but just not me.
I am not different from a 流浪汉.
Will I be living like this for the rest of my life?
I don't dare to think about it. The thoughts about it just made me sad.

Having a family is really great.Dad,mum,sisters, brothers.
Perhaps that's more like a luxury that I can never afford to have.
And you don't have it, you will never have it.
Somethings are just beyond your control.
I tried to minimize the impact about growing up in a single parent family have on me by pretending to be strong and pretending to be happy.
Yet deep inside I know that I cannot.
The contradicting thing is that I am craving for love, yet I am scared of love.
I am so skeptical about love(I am talking about love in general).
What if I will lose it one day?

I don't know how long does it take to come back to my normal mood.
Perhaps there will be miracles.
Perhaps I will be living like this for the rest of my life.
Perhaps there is not much perhaps left.

Believe in myself

I need to believe in myself.
Stop being so fearful.
What is there to fear about?
All good things will come if you believe.

Plans for Jan holiday:
-Conquer Mt Belumut& go for water rafting
-Find a job to fill up my free days
-Take up dance lesson with Marine.
-Catch up with my friends
-Take more photos
-Read up my books

打不败心魔，什么都没办法成功

I really want us to be friends, but cannot we?
Probably I am only a stranger to you.

The social norm

Social norms are the behaviours, beliefs and values that is used in a group.
Though the social norms may not be the correct ones.
People succumb to social norms to fit into the group.
Most of us are  living up to the expectation of other people, not oursevles.

Everyone has been telling me to find a boyfriend.
Li Sze, Yu Lin and even bestie told me so.
Is there a law states that I must find a bf in uni?
Must I get married coz everyone is doing that?

I don't have anything against falling in love or getting married.
Why doesn't want to find a loved one?
But if I really cannot find one, then forget about it.
I still can live a happy life.
I hate to follow the norms.
Can't we live our life with a bit of creativity?
Why must we live with other people's expectation?

Well.I am desperate.
I am desperate for love, friendship and kinship,
those things that sparks up my life.
Bless me.

A lucky day

Today is another lucky day.
Got offered another tuition when I was at Nad's house.
Thank god for answering to my prayers.
Having a source of income makes me feel so much better.

Marketing project meeting is very constructive.
Dinner after project is fun.
I think it really takes time to build a friendship.
Slowly I will find friends in uni.

Notes to myself:

-Treasure the friends you have, they are blessings in disguise.
-Think positively and believe in yourself, you worth more than you know
-Put in more efforts into studying,if you cannot even conquer studying,
what else can you do?-Believe in love,believer in dreams, believe in possibilities 
-Be friends again with Mr X, he can teaches you a lot of important lessons.

Nowdays I love photography more and more.
Photography,writing,travelling,dance,music.

Met my lovely friends for afternoon tea.
I really enjoyed every single moment spent with them.
Well, that's exaggerating.
Sometimes I do feel irritate with them, but I still love them after all.

Met my poly friends.
Have not seen some of them for so long.
But too bad Sly and Hiu Tung are not there.
I really hope that they could be there.

It seems that all the datukers are going for the same trip again.
Woohoo. That will be so fun.
I am so look forward to January break.

Pimple,pimple, go away;
Job,Job, come and stay!

I want to get a job,

then i can visit a skin doctor!

Somethings are just beyond my control.
It just doesn't go the way I want it to be.
Not fated.

Happy day

Monday is a happy,

Tuesday is a happy day.
Mr Patato Chips is super cute.I cannot stop laughing when he behaves like a kid in school.
And now I realized that I am not his only fan.
There is a lot more people who are crazy over him.
Octoberfest is not too bad.
Managed to know a few new friends.
Had fun drinking beer and playing musical chair.
The fact about drinking beer in school is actually quite shoik..haha.

Today is another happy day.
Played badminton and table tennis in SRC.
Got amazed by one of classmate's superb badminton skill.
I guess that he must be a national team player.

And I know tomorrow is going to be another happy day.
Going to meet my lovelies for afternoon tea and my polyfriends for dinner.

I know when I think less, then my days will be happier.
Hope that I can find a job soon.
I really need a job:)

Met up with Li Sze today.
She is getting married and moving in her new house soon.
I felt really happy for her. I can sense her happiness every here and then.
Had a nice lunch followed by a simple afternoon tea.
I love slow pace afternoon, where you don't need to think much.

Yanyu came over to my room last night.
She is so sweet to brought sweets for me.
And I realized that I am not the only person without a complete family.
There is a lot of other people who are the same.
Yet they are much stronger than I am.

I still feel lost.
Sometimes I am very sure about what I want,
But I have no idea about how to achieve those things I want.