Have I made the wrong choice by moving out and moving into NTU?
I think so.
Personally I don't enjoy staying in hall and going to school.
I made too much comparison about NP and NTU.
I tried so hard to think positively,
but this thing is affecting my mood seriously.
I am kind of depressed lately.

Unlike Hui Hui, who found a way to express out her feelings.
I have no idea who to tell and how to tell people that I am depressed.
Sometimes I really want to cry out loud, but my tears just doesn't come out.
At some point, I thought that my life is improving.
I am in uni, I can afford to pay living expenses myself.
I can afford to go travel.
But it just don't seems to be the case.
I am not any happier. Rather I was happier last time.So much.

Uncertainty creates thrill, but too uncertainty causes fear.
Sometimes I wish that I can settle down, have some stablity in life too.
I hate about moving, not having a house on my own.
Everyone else has a home, but just not me.
I am not different from a 流浪汉.
Will I be living like this for the rest of my life?
I don't dare to think about it. The thoughts about it just made me sad.

Having a family is really great.Dad,mum,sisters, brothers.
Perhaps that's more like a luxury that I can never afford to have.
And you don't have it, you will never have it.
Somethings are just beyond your control.
I tried to minimize the impact about growing up in a single parent family have on me by pretending to be strong and pretending to be happy.
Yet deep inside I know that I cannot.
The contradicting thing is that I am craving for love, yet I am scared of love.
I am so skeptical about love(I am talking about love in general).
What if I will lose it one day?

I don't know how long does it take to come back to my normal mood.
Perhaps there will be miracles.
Perhaps I will be living like this for the rest of my life.
Perhaps there is not much perhaps left.