Living in memories

I am always living memories,maybe that's why I am so screwed up in everything now.

Today I went for the scholarship preparation programme.
Btw, I am neither a scholar or a director's list holder.
I have no idea why I want to sign up in the first place.
Those stuff the coach have taught is about 25%useful.



When I was inside the room,I suddenly feel my confidence level was falling drastically.
I can't help to feel inferior,lack of confidence,it's unlike the feeling that I went for TDP last year.
I should not do comparison,but I just cannot control myself.
I am ok with the fact that I am screwed.
I just cannot get over the fact that everyone is getting better,I am becoming worse.



I am 19,going to 20 soon.
None of my dreams are fulfilled.
I am not getting anywhere closer to them.
I have no passion,
I have no talent,
If my talent is writing,
why can't I write out a single word after staring at the paper for so long?



I used to believe that as long as one darea to dream,he will have the passion and enthusiasm to achieve it.
Maybe it's totally wrong.
Those aunties who bargain over a few cents at market should have their dream;
Those uncles who can drinks beer at coffee shop at night should have dreams too;
But what happen to their dreams when they are getting old;
Reality and dreams just don't match.
I doubt if we can still have the ability to dream in 10 or 20 years times.



I just feel like a loser.
I want to talk to someone,
but just cannot find anyone to talk to.
Such a loser.



Where is the me?
Where is Xing Dan?
I think she is already dead since graduated from HS.
Now I am only a hollow shell without a soul.

Memories.