I have done some sanity test online, in the end I got a score of 125.
I have expected the result to be something like that.
I know deep inside me, I am not right.
Certainly for the past few years, I have been living in denials.
Denials of my problem, denials of the wounds that I have from the past.
All I do is pretend, pretend that time will heal everything, pretend that I will be alright eventually after a while.
But the fact is a wound that is so deep won't get healed by itself.
If you left it untreated, it will only get worse instead of getting better.

I have no idea about how to deal with the problems in my life.
It justs build on.
If you don't get your foundation stablized, then your top won't be stable.
It has been 6 years, yet I cannot get over it.
My mum think I am alright, even I am thinking I am alright sometimes,
but nothing seems to be right.
From the incident, I guess I lost faith in humanity.
I start to shut myself down from the world, I start to build walls.
I was so afraid to get hurt again, I was so afraid to disclose myself to others.

My family, the fact about me not having a father in my grow up process,
definitely affected me to a huge extent.
I am not a mentally healthy person, even I was a kid.
But I don't care and I never really seek help for those problem.
I just let it grow and affect me more and more severely.
Now I have no idea about how to deal with the entire problem.

I need to get out, I need to recover.
All I can hope for it's a miracle.