I know that I should not be write too much emo post.It's going to affect the people around people.And people will know the dark side of me.
But if I cannot be truthful to myself,who else can i be true to?
People often said that what i wrote is different from my behaviour.
For years and years,I have portray myself as an outing,bubbly person.
Only very few people know the other side of me.
Now my acting skill is more polished.
I can simply fake out a bright sunny smile when I am totally depressed.


Why are you so depressed?
You are not in your normal self.
Your results is so good,where is there to worry?
Questions and questions.Not out of concern,but out of curiosity.
My answer is always nothing followed with a super fake smile.


Facts No 1:
I am really sick of school.
I feel like quiting school.
Well,I am not as talented as Bill Gates who can afford to quit school.
If I really quit school,what can i do?Will my life will be better?
Maybe I will just end up being a lowly paid factory worker or shop keeper,
who cannot earn up to support herself.What about those big dreams that I had when I was young?
I don't hate studying.I love to know new things.
I just hate going to school.It is getting chaotic in school.
Friends,projects and everything else.
Who is friend and who is not?It's a problem harder than chicken and egg.


Facts No 2:
I am having a bad relationship with my mum.
I am trying to be more fillial, she is trying to be nicer to me.
But somehow we ended up quarrel more and more.
Yes..She brought me up,she suffered a lot over the days.
I have to repay her.
That's one of the reason that keep me alive until today.
The gap between us is widening like the widen income gap.
Maybe I am too pity,I just cannot forget about what she has done.
She thinks I can forget about it.
She thinks I can recover so soon from it.
But I am not.
Those things are still haunting me down.


I used to have this thing call feeling;
I used to hold this power call confidence;
I used to possess this jewel call motivation.
Now I have none of them.
I am reaching the bottle neck of my life.
Another walking dead body.


You should be more optimistic.
Don't be emo.
If we are get rid of depression so easily,
why there are so many people are commiting suicide everyday?
In the past, I have good memories to pre-occupy myself.
Now,good memories are gone.Only the bad ones are left behind.
I don't see myself going anywhere
What can a dead soul achieve without any motivation?

I just hate the way I am.
Shower me with your pity if you think I am a beggar.