I hate about the life that I am having now.

I really hate the life that I am having now and how I am.
I am overly emotional and bad tempered. I cry every now and then, I keep on throwing temper at my friends.
I have no idea why I am behaving this way but I cannot control myself.
Sometimes I really hate the way that my life is.
It has been so tough all this years.
All I can do is to swallow down the tears and fears silently.
What else can I do?No matter how hard I tried.
My life is back to the same point.

I wish that I could have a family, a family that is always around.
Mum,Dad,Sisters and Brothers.
But What do I have?All I have a mum who is sick all year round.
I know that I shouldn't be complaining, at least I still have a mum who dotes on me.
Because I only have a mum, that's why I have to learn how to be independent.
I don't know how to live when she is not around.
I am so scared of her going away.

All the shadow from the past is hunting me.
It just seems so hard to get out of this.
The wound is hurting even more.
I am scared.
I am scared that it will get more and more serious, until one day that I really lose control of myself.
Perhaps the day is coming soon.
Perhaps it's more of a relief.