回忆？？？

心情不好。
本来昨日下午我的心情真的很好。
4年了，还有机会看到他们。
真的很难得。
但是还是那句话，
希望越大，
失望也越大。

见到了有怎样，
大家都不知道讲什么。
剩下的只是尴尬。
他还是一样，
除了变得更帅。
一看到他，
真的感觉再次爱上他。

没话讲，
真的没话讲。
在小盈家，
还好有电视来减少尴尬。
我从没想过是这样的结局。

不知道别人是怎么想的，
我真的不了解。
不是有女朋友了吗，
为什么还1要装可怜？
走那么远，为什么还要回头看？
想离开，为什么还装做舍不得？

算了，
一切都过去了。
明天会更好。
从昨天起，
我就不会在有回忆。
我不会再听唯一，
不会在想起过去。
就当是失去记忆，
17岁前的我都忘了。

太多话要讲，
但是又不知道从哪里开始。

真1的很累，
心真的累了。

好久没讲话，
连话怎么讲都忘了。

以为已经不在乎，
没想到其实，
我还是很在意。

不是爱，
我也没力气去爱。
只是一个不完美。

I decided to update my blog again..
ACtually i have another private blog,just for the sake of entertaining myself.
All the posts there are either too sadist or too appealing to most of the people.
That's why i keep it to myself..
Just like many things when i hate to say it, or dunno how to say it,
i will keep them to myself.
Bottle myself up is something i usually do.
Initially it's just a habit,
but now it becomes more than a habit.
It's a must...
It's something beyond my control.
Just like my family matters,even if i said it out,
who will help me?
or rather who can help me?

FOr the past few years, i have been swallowing up all my unhappiness.
I rarely breath a single word of it.
I always pretend to be happy.
I thought it's the way to save myself from being too depressed.
However,it's not the case.
It will never be the right solution.

I am pearl, i am destined to shine no matter where i am...

矛盾

很矛盾。
真的很矛盾。
越来越不喜欢讲话，
什么都埋在心里。
这就是我。
喜欢看爱情零度C，
更喜欢伟翔这个角色。
什么事都埋在心里，
更我真的很像。
有时候，真的对自己失去信心。
我美吗？
我够厉害吗？
我能成功吗？
我能找到爱情吗？
看了太多厉害的人，漂亮的人，
多才多艺的人，我才真的认识到自己的渺小。
原来，我真的不值得任何人的关心。
也许以后的我会去出家，
当个尼姑。
可是我的神不是佛，
我就是我的神。
从不能为了快乐就放弃自己。
也许我会在30岁的时候退休，
隐居埋名，
到泰国的小村子住下。
但是我放得下未完成的梦吗？
我是喜欢平静，
乡下的生活是我的憧憬。
但是一个人的日子毕竟是孤单的。

熟悉的HOUGANG MALL也装修过了。
以前的感觉也不在。
其实，过了这么久，那段日子还是我最怀念的。
我还是一样的喜欢听老歌，
特别是YESTERDAY ONCE MORE。

Black or White

有黑就有白。
灰色只不过是虚假的伪装。

好久都没用华文写东西了。
文字开始强硬，
感情也慢慢消失。
好多话想说，
好多是想做，
但我还是我，
什么都做不到。
17岁的生日要到了，
该怎么度过，
一点都不重要。
反正还不就是那样。
我的生活就是那样的。
简单的小幸福，
就能让我开心许久。
但是我连这样的机会也没有。
也许，我出生之前，
跟上帝作过某种约定。
用一辈子的幸福，
来换取一次生存的机会。
要不然，
我为什么从来都不曾幸福过呢？

也许我把自己的感觉也出卖了，
也许这次卖给的是恶魔。
空空的躯体，
没有一丝的感觉。
也好，
以后就不会有痛苦，
不会有快乐，
不会有嫉妒，
也不会有幸福。

天生不属於幸福的人，
无论怎么挣扎，
他也不会属於你。
天生注定要快乐的人，
不用努力，
幸福就会来到你身边。

Nothing but everything

Nothing much to say..
I am still the same.
AFter today's audition,i realise a few thing.
How horrible my singing is,
how good other ppl can sing.
While let's comment on the judges.
Nothing much to say about Yimin and the girl(I forget about the name).
The one i want to talk about is the Eugene.
He is really very professional at commenting ppl.
And i really look forward to hear his singing.
How good can he singing?

Anyway i won't talk much
coz i really have nothing much to say.
SInce my blog is not frequently viewed,
i don't have to be responsible for any updating.
ANyway i am the only faith reader..
SHould i feel pathetic about the fact i just mention?
I dunno..
ANd don't want to know..

The rotting egg..

AS what Shell says, My blog is rotting..
SO am i..
Recently really too exhausted to do anything.
4 days of consecutive suffering,
make my battery almost go flat..
ANyway i should not be considering that as suffering,
especially when the pay comes..

I find that i am making the common mistakes again and again.
That is trying to be poemtic by using broken sentences.
While i think that's why i can not make any improvement in my english,
but i will still stick to that no matter what..
That's my style..
It's simply me..
The eggy way..

Looking back,
that's one thing i often do.
Letting go of the past seems easy,
but not to me..
I am simply not this type of people.
You can forget something easily,
This shows all those things are not important,
you never take it to ur heart.
On the other hand,
if it's something extremely important,
something weighs almost equvalent to ur life,
will u ever forget it?
Of course no,
just like u seldomly forget about ur ATM password..

My idiosyncrasies are killing me now..
But i will never change..
In the past, i changed too much,
in order to fit into the society.

Maybe because i am too naive,
i thought transformation will help me become a better person.
But it proves that i am wrong.
Once u r changed,
u can never go back again..

Actually everyone in the world is lonely,
some constantly,
some occasionally,
some accidently..

No matter u r married,
attached,
or single.
WE R STILL LONELY..

Handphone,
MSN,
and
what so ever,
are just a tool to keep us away from loneliness,
However,
we often forget one thing,
that is we r never apart from lonely,
we are a part of lonely...

忧郁

突然觉得周围都是蓝的。。
因为心情很烂。
本来以为文化营会是件好玩的事，
结果。。
没话可说。
不过不要紧，
周围的东西对我都不再重要。
没有让我感到重要的人，
事
和物。
一切都失去意义，
好希望自己可以不要这么想。
但是做不到就是做不到。


希望越大，
失望也就越大。
所以我不会再有希望，
那么就应该不会再有什么失望。
过去的，
再想也没用。
现在的，
想太多只是浪费时间。
未来的，
我还没那么多精力来管

Changes

变，
大家都在变。
只是好多时候我们都没发现，
或是不愿承认。
读了殿君的blog，才发现这个道理。
也许我早=就知道，只是不愿承认。
一直以来都活在梦里，
怎么会感觉都现实的残酷？
像他一样，
我也好怀念过去的自己，
过去的日子。
如果能回去过去，
我不愿多留在现在一天。。

Nothing much to talk about..
Exam...

Well, i feel i have done well for the papers.
Not all, but mostly.
Haha..After Superteen, i really feel motivated.
I decided no matter what happened,
i will always remain optimistic.

YEah...Hwa Chong is waiting for me.
I will be the King(For my case, it's queen) of the WORLD!!!
muahahahahahahaha

You Should Be In The Dixie Chicks

You're down to earth and never forget your roots... But that doesn't mean you can't rock out

What Girl Group Should You Be In?

Bored

Out of a sudden,everything lost its meaning to me.
Nothing interesting,
Nothing exciting.
Everything just look the same to me.
Superteen workshop is just another workshop.
Nothing good to talk about it.
While the only good thing is ,
the workshop make me realize that
i really don't know many ppl well...
Failure...
Haiz..........

Suddenly i realise something..
Why i am so unhappy throughout the days?
Coz i am too hard to be contented.
Ppl can be so happy over a new phone,
new boyfriend,
little improvement in term of results.
all those small small things,
can make them so happy.
Then how about me?
I am hardly pleased with anything.
When is the last time i laugh from heart?
I cannot remember...

What are my goals?
I seem so unsure about them.

SO what even if i know exactly what i want?
I am an uselss bum.
All my goals are too far to be materilisated..

Titleless agian.
Nothing to write.
All my brain cells dead after stucking with Huixun for 5 hours.
Well, doing Huixun alone is quite pathetic.
But more efficient.

No time to do home work again.
Haiz..
But i don't care.
No point of doing if my heart wasn't there.
I prefer doing at my own pace.
Not under anyone's dominance.
I know what i am doing,
and i am an healthy,
lively,
smart individual.
So,
i will never allow anyone to control my actions,
to interfere my thinking,
to manage my world.
To be continued....

A poem???

I am lost in the world of terror,
lost my way to the heaven.
Looking from outside,
i am still intact.
Bur deep inside,
i am nothing other than a frame.



I am trying to be poetic,
trying to sound like me.
One of my prematured product.......

Time flys really fast...
3 days ago, i was still a XinYing.
Now, i am a Laoying..
Too many things to say,
but dunno where to begin.
Yesterday night was special,crazy and fun.
One of the few significant events of TXY.
Love the perfomance of ManHua.
They will always give you make you go WOWOW.
Well, thanks for their perfomance, which make me almost forget what happened during the days.
Let's bygone be bygone.
I don't want to mention that again.
and nobody is interested to know neither.
Maybe the arrival of the new TXY is a good thing.
At least it makes us more united and bring us closer.

Happy valentine!!!

Today is white valentine..
ANother lonely valentine..
Poor me spend all my day doing non-sensencial stuffs..
While this is life..
My life...
IF u accidently browsing through my blog today,
then wish u happy valentine!
PS:I saw L1R5 of Hwa Chong, for science is 4, art is 5.
Same for RJC..
WHile ****
But i will go into Hwa Chong no matter what..haha

Although i planned to study during holidays,
i still play as much as usual.
Yesterday spend all my precious time in SPH again.
They are sharing the PORKS.
While that's another new term i just learnt yesterday.
They are dividing the new TXY into groups.

Then went home together with the cute guy,Jeremy.
HE is so comical,but adorable too.
And his cake is so tasty.(But i have only taste it once)
Nevertheless,must mentioned about other drawING people.
Shi Lei, Pei Xuan, Jia Hao.etc...
If anyone publish a comic on them,
it's definitely a unique one.
Coz everyone of them are so unique.

Yesterday i discovered another thing about me.
I really have some problem with talking to people.
In the past, about one years ago.
The first year in TXY,
I am so enthusiatic about everything.
Now all my enthusiatism are gone.
I am no longer the old me.
I changed again.
Talking to people becomes a burden rather then pleasure.

Hopefully next week i can recover,
regain all my enthusiatism.

another crappy posts

Recently really too busy to update.
But today i have a lot things to say..
Firstly, career day.
Everyone looks so amazing..
Except for those who wears nothing,but uniform.
A few ppl i want to comment at.
My dearest mummy---Edwina,
she looks so sweet and unlike her.
However, she is still as violent as before.

Our head prefect, Gavin
He is Gorgerous.
He looks so unlike the unusual him,
almost make me fall in love with him.haha..

Then rest all not bad,except me...
Anyway it's over...
No point of continue talking about it.

Recenly i am really into news and politics.
Very unlike me.
I somehow become obsess with Thaksin's news.
Even though it's none of my problem.
I believe he will survive through the crisis
no matter what happened along the way.
He is meant to be the leader of Thailand.
His financial background,
His ability,
And his popularity,
all make him a perfect leader for Thailand.

Another news attacted me is abour Li Jia Chen.
His wealth ranked no 10 in the list.
His total assets worth about 304 billion us$.
The winner is still Bill Gate.
I wondered how they can earn so much money,
While other ppls like me still stuck with poverty.
Haiz...Poor thing.
Bless me,
I will beat them one day....
Muahahahaha....