Just came back from TXY prizing giving ceremony.
It has been the 4th time being there.
I still remember vividly how I used to be passionate about writing back then.
Last time,
I am so thrilled to see my article on newspaper.
I am so serious about editing every word I wrote;
I am so happy to spend my whole day in the indie music shop on Haji Lane for my black record article.
Now things are different.
The primary feeling is still the purest.

Ting Tsu,Jie Sheng and me.

Fat Chen Shake,he and Yu Chih are leaving for China.



Fan Tuan,Xian Hui,Ying Wen and me.


I know leaving is inevitable.
It's just part of our growing up process.
One cannot stay in the same place forever.
When someone is leaving,only then you realize the importance of the person.
I miss 3F(My HCL class)
Of course my dear friend Jie Sheng,who will be going to the states soon.
Out of a sudden,it seems that many of my good friend are leaving.
I don't want to come to the end of this year.

Yesterday went for NP strings concert to support Horace and Zi Ning.
Because of this concert and TXY ban Jiang,I actually give up my job at Comex.
Which means $$ is forgone.
I don't want to be an irresponsible person,
who breaks her promise for money.
Friends are definately more important than money.
There is no ending for generating money,
but there is limited chance to gather with your friends.
Of course,some people may place money as top priority.
It's up to you how you balance the two things.

Living in memories

I am always living memories,maybe that's why I am so screwed up in everything now.

Today I went for the scholarship preparation programme.
Btw, I am neither a scholar or a director's list holder.
I have no idea why I want to sign up in the first place.
Those stuff the coach have taught is about 25%useful.



When I was inside the room,I suddenly feel my confidence level was falling drastically.
I can't help to feel inferior,lack of confidence,it's unlike the feeling that I went for TDP last year.
I should not do comparison,but I just cannot control myself.
I am ok with the fact that I am screwed.
I just cannot get over the fact that everyone is getting better,I am becoming worse.



I am 19,going to 20 soon.
None of my dreams are fulfilled.
I am not getting anywhere closer to them.
I have no passion,
I have no talent,
If my talent is writing,
why can't I write out a single word after staring at the paper for so long?



I used to believe that as long as one darea to dream,he will have the passion and enthusiasm to achieve it.
Maybe it's totally wrong.
Those aunties who bargain over a few cents at market should have their dream;
Those uncles who can drinks beer at coffee shop at night should have dreams too;
But what happen to their dreams when they are getting old;
Reality and dreams just don't match.
I doubt if we can still have the ability to dream in 10 or 20 years times.



I just feel like a loser.
I want to talk to someone,
but just cannot find anyone to talk to.
Such a loser.



Where is the me?
Where is Xing Dan?
I think she is already dead since graduated from HS.
Now I am only a hollow shell without a soul.

Memories.

Karma

I am not a buddist,neither a Christian.
Well,I do have a religion,which is Xingdanism.
Xingdansim believes in Karma.
You will get what you sow sooner or later.

Yesterday caught movie 4bia with my classmates.
It's the 4th horror movie that I ever watched.
The first one is the eye 2,which is like 5 years ago.
The second one I caught accidently on TV;
Third is Juon which i have no choice but watched in NYAA chalet.
Forth one is 4bia.
Inside the cinema,many people are laughing;
But there is a girl,who got so traumadised, almost go hidding under her sit.
Yes.That's me.
The story line is quite predicable,directors use the ususual horror making techiques.
Most of the times,I know the ghost is going to appear in the scene.
I still can't help to tremble non-stop.

Though I am covering up my eyes,ears and face most of the times,
I still manage to survive through the whole movie.
After I came out of the cinema,I can't even walk properly.
I almost thought I am going to have heart attack anytime.
But i learnt one thing through the movie:Karma.
Don't do things against your conscience,
sooner or later you will get it.
Maybe that's why I am so traumadised.
Coz initially I am supposed to go Night Safari with MCs and SCOs.
It's a rare chance for everyone to get together;
It's a good bonding opportunity;
and I have already told James that I am going;
In the end,due to my classmates' persuasiveness,
I decided to go for movie.

Exams are over.Costing paper is really screwed,I think it's going to pull my whole GPA down.My dreams is gonna burst into bubble again!
I need imspiration.
I want to write something,
I want to join the contest,
I want to write to my secondary school teachers;
But i don't have any inspiration.I don't like works without inspiration.It's fake and lack of emotion.
Staring at the old pieces that I have done earlier,either published or not,
it's still much better than what I am writing now.
Please give me some inspiration!
and a job!

dilemma

Study at my secret little corner in library.Library is so peaceful.It's the kind me peace tat i am craving to have.
Life is like a MCQ.there are so many choices tat u can choose.It's really hard to make a choice.There's an opportunity cost behind every choice.You cannot take both of them,you can only decide on one.
Tmr is last paper.After tat,it will be holiday. i need a job. Any intro?

I am back!!

Yes..Xing Dan is making a come back!
The super determined and super powered Xing Dan is back!
Dun be scared off the ground!
I want to show you how I shake the world!
Muahaha.

A basket of sunny

My blog is too sunny,
but I am often too emotional.

I am a person hard to be contented.
It seems that I am always setting a very high expectation on
myself,my life and the world.
When expectations are not met,
I am disappointed,sad and start to write my emo post over and over again.
I am not happy,but that doesn't mean that I don't wish to see my friends be happy.
If you know me well,you should know what's the most important thing in my life.
It's none other than friends.
All i want is you to be happy.
That's why I will have the famous clause:
I like to entertain people!

Just let bygone be bygone,
no point crying over the spoilt milk.
Those people around you will miss your bright smile if it's gone.

So if you are my friend,
If you are not happy.
Do think of me!
Think those stunts that I have done,
like singing in the middle of the orchard road with my not so fantastic voice,
running like primary school kid in the MRT
my 鬼脸s,
my not so funny jokes.
my funny and embarassing moments.
If you are still not happy,
you can call me.
I can replay those all over again.
I am a joker.I love to entertain people.

SMRT challenge is coming up!
I am so look forward to it.
Last year's SMRT memories.

Buffet is sinful!I just can't resist the tempetations.
Good luck for my exams and everyone's exam!

Save me from myself.

This world is amazing.
Sometimes when you are thinking about something,
the next instance it appears right in front of your face.
I wish if that can always happen.

I am distracted.Cannot really concentrate on my revising.
Not everything is like A math.
You only crave for a pass.
For others, what we want is more than a pass.

Just something to share.
It's amazing that how powerful other people's voice can be.
My expectation is only not to sing out of tone.
whereas



Save me from myself by 黎楚宁.
Hope she will win the contest.
She is my favourite of this season.


Not a fan of him,but have to say he is a great star.
Forever the great star in many's heart.
Though today is not any special occasion.
Nothing wrong with missing a great star.


If we can still hear him to sing again
.Anyone want to catch a mei's concert?

Sometimes we don't aware of the situation we are in.
Somethings are not ought to be said,
but to be observed.

It's funny that how I live my life.

I think I am imaging myself living in US,

that's why I always sleep in the daytime and wake up in the noon.

While,that maybe a good thing in future.

Caught The mummy 3 with ex-JT classmates just now.

It's has been long since I last saw some of them.

Well,I left JT's class for 2 months already.

Of course I can't help to miss his class,JT and all the others.

I am not passionate about dancing as the others do.

I always thought that I have interest in something,

in the end I realize my interest are so minimal,then I gave up.

It has been my typical property for donkey years.

From Judo,table tennis,math olympiad, writting and now dancing.

I am like giving up everything before I become good at it.

Well,just some reflection for the day.It's always good to reflect about yourself at the end of everyday.

Pictures from tuesday's buffet lunch cum afternoon tea.

That's the best meal I had this week.

Smile..Guess what is it made of?

Yes.It's ice cream..Scooping the ice cream in process.

Unglam Photo No 1.You can put that in Stomp and they will be famous.

Unglam photo no 2.

Since wed, I have been feeding myself with bitter guard and soya bean milk.

I am not torturing myself or skipping my meal.

I am just trying out some detoxic method.

Hopefully it can get me better skin and loss some fats too.

I am going live in library again.

Time to study hard,

and stop thinking of things.

I love to be a nerd.

Well,another week have passed.
My blog shall be updated on weekly basis since exams are coming.

I should spend more time in studying for exams instead of wasting my time away.

Yesterday we went to bestie's house to slack coz we dunno where else to go.

Chit chat and gossips,gossips and chit chat.

Staring at the clouds and listen to stories.

How i wish i can spend every afternoon of mine in this manner?

Had Qiang Mai celebration in SPH just now.

3 years. new and old faces.

Everyone changes a lot.

Everyone is becoming better and better.

More and more successful.

More and more people are stepping into the media industry.

Future journalist,song composer,producer.

TXY is really full of talents.

Yu Neng have sold his songs;

Hui Mei had become Amb President;

Cheng Yao had consistent placement in director's list;

Many more talent to blossom.

Though I am nothing compare to them,

my thoughts have becomed more matured.

I am no longer living in the shadow of the others.

Instead,deep down from my heart,I feel so glad to be their friends;

Finally,their efforts are paid off.

Their deserve it coz they have worked hard for it.

Maybe it's time for me to go back to my track too.

I love afternoon.

Being Thankful!

Today is not really a good day.
Seriously.
Then it comes to BA carnival games.
No comment on the games.
Everyone knows how good and bad it is.
But i am so glad that someone said some encouraging words to me when I was feeling down.
Those words really motivates me.
Politics are unavoidable.
The most important thing is be happy.
Yes.I should stop escaping.
Don't let the others affect your determination.
Really have to thank that person for the encouragement.
Help me convey the message if you know that person.
Exams are coming!Have to start study soon.
The importance of a director's list becomes so significant.
I want to go for the California trip.
God Bless me(Provided I can find a God in the first place).
Chances are low low low low.

Everyone is a piece of puzzle.
The world need different pieces of puzzle to form a wonderful picture.

Wrong.

Wrong Feeling;
Wrong Institution;
Nothing is right.
Why must I have so many senses?

Happy Birthday To me!

Yesterday is my 19th birthday.
I had my biggest surprise ever.
On the friday night, Joe Han called and tell me that he had to pass to me something.
I didn't suspect anything coz I am drunk.
Until I reached downstairs, here comes the surprises.
So many water bags attacked me at the same time.
I am totally shocked.
But it's really a great experience.
I am very thankful to all of you to come so far and give me this birthday surprise.

Thank u to:
my classmates for the "19" muffins that have prepared.
Joe Han for the white lies and listening to me;
Ming Jun for the first to attack me with water bag;
Jonathan for trying smashing my face with the cake;
Rebacca for the consistent laughters;
Aishah and Tricia for hiding the candle stand so deep inside the cake.

Also To all those who messaged me;
Ah Man, who first msg me at 0000;
James,Feng jie, Sylvester,Jasmine, Shu Wen, Ivian, Jun Wen, Pei Jiao,Guan Yuan.
And some of the surprisng ones:
Sian Ying, my long lost best friend;
Jie Sheng, who calle me twice before my birthday;
Darwis, who is so busy with his love affairs and Uni admission;
Hui Mei, busy with her media corp attachment;
Even Justis had sent me a littile message(Thank u Feng Jie)

I am really glad to know you all;
Thank u once again!
I don't urge for anything more.
No point wishing for things that are not going to happen.

Depression

Depression.

...

I didn't talk much today.
I am not really in the mood to talk.
Sorry if i have screwed up your day.

I am a mentally unstable,
that's why I have drastic mood swing.
Don't you think so?

I hate reciprocals.
I hate returning of favour.
I hate return on investment.
Life is not about exchange.

Last year this time I have no worries for things;
Now i have plenty of them.
When is the last time that i thought to be best friend called me?
New is always better than old,right?
I have been in TXY for 3 years plus.
Now who remembers me?
I had been a shadow friend for someone for times.
Now not even shadow friends.

I think too much and I periodically commit this fallancy again and again.
Maybe the concussion should cause a heavier blow,
so that i won't be thinking that much.
1 more day to go.I don't look forward to anything.
Nothing surprises, nothing matters.
Life is just a process of dying.

I tried,
I tried,
and i tried.

I failed,
I failed,
and i failed.

Until now I am still in between of trying and failing.
When can i try without a subsequent event of failing.
2 more days.Life is not always perfect.Happiness is all i am craving for.

这首歌很适合形容我的心情。
在凌晨
在凌晨两点十分慌张想，你吸着无法入眠的空气。如果是梦镜也许是幻影，我想沉醉在这里。
常常会发现，你在我的身旁听我当兵的故事很有趣。清晰的感觉永远不会变，而你不在这里陪我。我忘不了你给我最当初的礼物，忘不了你给我最当初的礼物，答应我陪我去寻找我的梦想，到头来我不是你选择的人，也许你是对的。
Almost every word of this song is telling my story.It has been almost a year to that day.
I know i won't be able to let the memories fade off so easily.
It's drawing nearer.I don't carve for surprises.I just hate disappointment.

Just one last dance

There are some unhappiness over the past few weeks,
but now I am much better.Sorry for making people worry about me.
Yesterday morning met up with my lovelies.
People really change over the years.
The surprising news is that Hui Zhen is having a boyfriend.
We are so shocked by that.
Comparing her character back in secondary school and then,
things are so different.


Then went to Bestie's house for some baking.
Initially we only want to make some dumpling,
in the end, we baked muffins as well.
My first attempt,not very successful, but currently nobody is food poisoned by my muffin.





Last dance lesson with Justis. It has been almost a year.Now i had to say goodbye to his class.
Anyway I am not as talented as others in dance.so it should be almost for me to quit dancing.
I should not feel anything,right?
Jenise,Clover,Me,Magdaline and Hui2.


Trying to freeze.
Attempt No 1.(Acutally not number 1 ,we tried many times before that.Maybe it's the 1001 attempt.Who knows?

Attempt No 2.

Finally,but my face is covered.

Singtel San Jie Mei.haha.

See this ghostly photo.(Edited by Hui Hui)Actually there are only 3 people in the pic.
If you see more than 3, you must be seeing things.haha.

12 more days to go.

Ok

Sorry to all, I have been showing bad attitude, temper and black face this few days.
Do forgive me,I am a bit stressed out or some kind of monopause syndrome as I am getting old.
Thanks for all the comfort and encouragement.I will be ok very soon.
The great pretender of the year.
Miss my secondary school days and that sunny me.

Projects.

I don't hate projects.In fact,I love projects.
It is really a test of your ability.
BMGT project gave me so much confidence.
But now the enthusiasm for projects have die off.

I am not a good leader.
I am not a good delegator.
My instructions are not clear.
Maybe that's why i have receieve rubbish work.
Totally trash.But how?
I have to edit.Have to edit through midnight.
I want good grades.
I can't complain to anyone.

Why can't everyone else work as hard as me towards the project?
At least give me something of standard for once.
I am not superman.I am not good at everything.
In fact, I am a good at thing.
The reason that our project is able to get good marks most of the time is my preseverance and hardworking.
Do you feel happy after seeing good grades?
Of course, everyone does.Who is not happy about good grades.
But do you feel a bit guilty?
I am not complaing about how much work have i done.
No point saying all this when you are doing it on "voluntary" basis.
I just hope to see everyone contributes a bit more.
At least be more appreciative of the project spirit.
I can don't sleep,I can dont' eat.
I can sit in front of my computer for hours and hours.
I just can't see us getting bad grades when everyone is aiming for good grades.

I am not a mountain.Can stop relying on me for once?
Maybe my expectation are too high.I should just use to it.
So sick and tired.It will better if i have another accident.
A fatal one will be delightful.

I know after seeing this post, people may no longer want to do project with me.
I know what are the consequences,but i just help to say it out.
Being too frank is not a virtue.
But that's just part of me.
Everyone has a dark side.So is me.

Ignore this post if you are in a happy mood

If you are happy,ignore this post. If you have read this post,don't show any sympathy.

I love to emo.Emo is hobby.
I am a mixed blood person.My blood is a set comprises of elements of sadness,depression and pessimism.
While, I rarely talk about my life,my family and my childhood.Even if i do, I always portrait them in a very nice way.
In front of most people, I am always an enthusiatic, positive and super cheerful girl.
Am i a good actress?I think I am.I am simply a hyprocite who put up a fake mask to everyone including herself.
In life,you got to pretend.Only when you pretend that you are leading a cheerful life, then you can forget about things.
Do i have a happy childhood?I do,but only partially.If i can conclude my life journey using one word,it will be tough.

My parents separated since i was small.The few times I saw them together is when they are quarelling over money issues.
They divorced when I was 4.My father visits me twice a year.Once in the beginning of the year,the other time is during my birthday.He will always bring me a white cream cake during my birthday.
My mum used to hit me when i was unable to reach her high expectation.I learnt how to hold back my tears since then.Everytime she hits me, I often wish I could have a father by my side.In fact,it's just my fat hope.
My beloved grandfather who is really good to me passed away on Chinese new year.Since then,every chinese new year I had is full of tears and unhappiness.
The first time i run away from home is at the age of 9 when i couldn't stand my family or my life anymore.

My family is poor.Last time i used to live squatter areas that can only be seen in the TV.We are forever belong to the low income group.
In 2002, my so called best friend at the times got together with someone i like after she told me that he likes me.In 2002, i realize that capablities is not the only powerful tool,money is more powerful.
In 2003, I celebrated new year's eve alone with nothing to eat.And during Chinese new year, I sitted at the void deck for 8 hours with nothing to eat and no one to talk to as I don't have the key to the place i live.
In 2004, i first knew there is a mental illness called depression and how powerful is the illness of depression.
My mum first fell ill when i was sec 3.I often hide a pen knife under my blanket back then and I used to wish that I could just sleep until the end.There is another major thing happend which really change my view about the world.I am hurt really deeply.Anyway it's just another sad thing.
My mum fell ill again when i was sec 4, when i was taking o level.It's between tumor and cancer.My whole life changed from then.I almost end up in nursing coz there is $800 subsidies for nursing student and my family need that $800 per month.

I told many people that going to poly is my wish.It's due to the fact that i don't like JC life.In fact,it's not.I gave up my top JC dream coz my family cannot afford me to have the dream.Going to poly means i have time to work and i need that income.
I work really hard not purely coz i want to be independent,it's coz that i need that income,i need the income for school fees,for my own allowance.
Dreams are bonded by reality.I tried to run away from reality,but i failed.I keep on running,but reality just hit me down.

From reality, I really learnt a lot.How to hide your tears away from the rest, how to pretend to be strong and how to fake to be cheerful when you are so hurt.
How i wish i can just do what i want to do with no worries regarding the material aspect.
My life is full of excitement,so exciting until sometimes i really cannot take it.I am just a human,not a superman.
Life,can you just let me take a break?I am so tired.Close my eyes tight and sleep soundly is just another wish of mine.

I am not someone full of vengenance.Ignore me,i will be fine tomorrow.Maybe i need to to sit by the sea side for while and get some fresh air.

等一首属于我的歌

刚刚从抢麦回来;
不去Big groove，不知道到底值不值得；
突然好想念第一年的抢麦，三年了，已经３年了。
三年都在的好像只由我和Ｄａｒｗｉｓ。
突然想起好多老人，Hui Mei,Yu Chih,Cheng Yao,Yi Liang,Wei Zheng and Yi Liang.
时间会过，人总不能永远停在原地。
大家都在向前走，只有我还在原地不动；
唯一的收获就是听到有人唱了一首很感动的歌，
虽然不是唱给我听。
我一直都在等一首属于我的歌。

Common test is over.
It seems like everyone is struggling with common test.Everyone seems so stressed out by common test.It is like I am the only one who enjoy about common test period.
Of course i don't like test and exam,i am weird,but not to that extent.
If you have already stressed out by test,what about exams?
I always give people the impression that I am a very free person.
But what you see may not be the truth.
Honestly,my schedule is quite packed.
Study,CCAs,work and in the past TXY.
I rarely have time for my friends,but through things i learnt.
I learnt to manage my time properly,squzze out every free slot to do things of my wish.
Time is limited.It all depends on how you manage your time.
Another thing I have to say it's I am perfectly fine.Don't worry about me.
Though I am a bit shocked by the accident,I am still strong enough to take the blow, that's why I look so normal when talking about it.
Friday's BBQ is fantanstic.I am so surprised that everyone actually wait for me to start eating.Though i rarely said it out,but i am so blessed to know them all.
My favourite place-k box.(Last monday,i am going again with my lovelies next wed.WooHoo)





They start to emo after i sang the song.My voice is really too touching.haha




Graduation 2008.

TA 23 peeps

We dun look formal though we are wearing the blazer.

Future office ladies.(That may not apply to me)

Dinner after CT @our favourite Riverside Indonesian Restraurant.

Good ambience(At least got the riverside scenry)+Good people=One Great day

Not so peaceful day

No.Yesterday I went to dance as usual.
Learnt routine steps,
Practice Dance steps after lesson.
And I learnt something amazing,
which is FREEZE.
After trying for so many times,
I have done it succesfully(but not in a very nice and proper manner)5 times.
Guan Yuan didn't manage to capture it down coz her camera is lagging.
Went for supper with the others.
Along the way something shocking happened!
Me,Guan Yuan,Mag and Shirley took Jian Hui's car;
The rest took bus.
When we are about to reach Bencoolen Kopitiam,
his car crashed into a bus;
Not so bad,
at least none of us got hurt,
except that I think I got a bit of concussion.
When the car bang onto the bus,
I am directly looking at the direction.
I saw the whole process.
Then we feel the swift and heard the drifting sound.
His poor car.

The whole door is smashed and that's where I am sitting.

We sat along the road while the rest is settling the stuff with the bus uncle.
I am still very shocked.
First time that I met an accident.
Out of sudden, I think of so many things.
I think I still should consider myself lucky.
If the bus is driving faster, then the impact will be bigger and what will happen to me?
If I didn't swop place with Guan Yuan in the first place, I won't see the whole process.
It's all fated.None can stop things from happening.
We shall just do what we should do and treasure each moment of our life.
Thanks for everyone's concern.
Guan Yuan,Mag,Shirley,Justis and Many more.
When the whole thing happened, I suddenly think of someone whom I shouldn't be thinking of.
So many peaceful nights that we had.
Cherish your life and live it to the fullest!

Yesterday night i can't sleep after i tried so hard to keep eyelid close.
Maybe i sleep too much in the daytime.
Then i turned on my long abandoned radio and tune to UFM 1003.
And I discovered this good voice.
郭静


http://mp3.gougou.com/ting?cid=EF8FF2E0C7DA66C01D15CF011958313EBB816DFA&ti=0&tit=%E4%B8%8D%E8%8D%AF%E8%80%8C%E6%84%88&singer=%E9%83%AD%E9%9D%99。
Her voice can be sweet,but powerful at times.
It's kind of different from 戴爱玲and张惠妹。
I will consider her to be my 3rd favourite female artist if she doesn't sing those songs like fever.
Then i listen to this song composing programme.
It's hosted by Tan Meng Kee and Ah Ken.
And I wrote this when I am on the way to school.
The story keeps on flashing on my mind.
一公尺的距离，
把心拒绝在门外；
看不到的未来
忘着你背影发呆，
Hopefylly it's not too bad.I am going to continue this tonight if possible.

All the 3rd day subcom is wearing the BAOC shirt.

The girls

The guys.

The three muskers who made this camp so wonderful!
I started off with this stupid game
Aishsah
James
Yi Min
Joe Han

Yellow is the best!
Pyramid
Let the blind lead the blind
Piggy back!
Hui Koon is being smashed by James!

Candid with Mrs Hana Sharp
Acting cool in the apartment

Random Shots
Ian is showing off his magical power!

I know that my blog is rather boring.
I only write words,rarely i put up pictures;

Most of my post are too emo, that will cause people to go depress, depress people to become even more depress.
So today I shall put up some pic.

Went MC camp over the weekends.
It's one of the few camp that i enjoy after i came to NP.
The apartment is fantastic.

You can't image how rich is NP and how much they are willing to spend until you see the apartment.

First day we did nothing except eating and meeting;

Second day is the games day, we went to west coast and clark quay to play games;

Yellow is the best!
I love the feeling of being yellow!The chatter, the walk and the fun we had.(Very abstract,but i don't like to go into details).

On the night of the second day, me, Tricia and Aishah,we chatted through for the whole night(Including gossips).I almost fall asleep when it's about 6 am in the morning,luckily green tea and snacks pull me through..haha..

Surprisingly the next morning when everyone woke up, i look more energtic than those who slept.Amazing,right?

MC camp is over, but there are many more events coming up.

I know there will a lot of people gave up due to various reason,

i may become one of them,who knows?

But the most important thing is that keep that enthusiasm going on.

It has been a long road till today.

Monday K box and Wed's usher photo will be uploaded soon.

Closing off with group photos.

BA Society Photos

It has been a busy week,but a fulfilling and happy week.
Basketball,guitar,gossip, society meeting and tomorrow's meeting with Ivy and friends.
Just came back from society meeting.
Jokes,laughters and scandals.
Seriously i don't know what to say about my scandal.
It really makes me feel very awkward.
I am not a person who deals well with scandal.
Now I feel so weird talking to Ming Jun.
Don't tell me the same thing is going to happen again.

Meeting Ivy and friends tmr.
Have not been meeting them for so long.
And seriously we rarely have chance to meet up since they are so busy.
Adults are different from students.
Look forward to that.
But at the same time, I feel very bad about it.
Initially I have arranged my friday night for shell and ai ping.
Shell, if you happen to see this, I am sorry about the last minute cancelling of our meet up.
But I am meeting Ivy and them only a few times per year,
so i hope you can understand that.
I still treat u all above the others.

MC camp next week.
Luckily i got that superman shirt which is yellow colour.
Yellow Jia You lor.Haha..

School is no longer the same.
I am no longer looking forward to classes.
Last time the class is full of laughter,joy and happiness.
Now what happen to the class?
Class is just a class.
It's just a place to study and go.
No more warmth,
but coldness and loneliness.
Luckily there is something that pull me to school.
Hopefully it won't disappoint me.
Everyone is getting better.
I am changing from bad to worse.
If only we can turn back time.

I just realize that how stupid am I.
Why do you have to do so many useless things?
Waste of time.
There are more things that are important.
People don't know how to appreciate your kindness.
What's point of doing all this.
Hate my bloody life.

Be contented

One should be contented with whatever he has.
If you always asking too much, you will never be happy.
I always commit this mistake, yet i make it better.
Friday I meet Wei for dinner before he is going to America.
3 months.It's pretty long.
And it's a bit sad coz there won't be anyone that I can scold when I am feelin down.
Sat is a good day.
I am so happy to receive that call from Siu Qing.
Yes..I am in for BA society.
And then I laugh and I laugh like a mad woman until Xue Feng start to despise me.
But I am still happy.
Getting into BA society means_______.(Haha..Fill in the blank)
Basketball is fun. I have not been playing basketball since sec 2.
Another thing I am going to say is about I Dare.
I saw the I Dare poster.
And i realize that i am not in for SF.
Maybe it's a good thing.
I can have more time for BA society and for my study.
But i really miss the I Dare trip.
Miss going out with all the BT and SFs
Many things are happening.
Many more things are going to happen.

A mixture of feelings

Came Back from BA society MC interview.

I think I screwed up that interview.

When a question is being asked, I am too nervous until i forget about what i am going to say.

Yes.I have come out with nonsensical answers again.

I am a bit disappointed coz i think the chance for me to get in is rather low.

There are too many candidates available.

Why should they choose someone who speak in a funny manner everytime she is being interviewd?

I really hope to be able to work with those people,to do things that i like.

The kind of feeling that i will never get from else where.

Even if i don't get, i will not be sad. There is something else that I can do.

The big plan.



Today i spent the whole afternoon complaining and gossiping.

The feeling of pouring out everything from your heart is good.

Especially when you found yourself acutally have so many good companions around.

I am back to me again.

It only shows one thing.

One have to be true to herself;

one have to be true to the others;

You will be loved only if you reveal your true self.

Holiday is over.
Many things happened.
No comment about it.
I just found one thing,that is i am getting more and more emotional recently.
While, it maybe a good thing,it's much better than being hypercite and callous all the time.
The world may be cruel,
but thank God there is still friends around to support you.
One true friend worth much more than tons of hi bye friends.
I will not forget what you have said when i am feeling low.
The class is tearing apart.
Mainly due to someone.
Seriously i really can't stand to have this type of person in my class.
It's a good chance to practice your tolerance level.
I am becoming increasing alcoholic.I finally understand why people need to drink desperately.
Nothing bad about it.Drinking alcohol can really make you forget things temporily.

I think i often wonder too much,that's why i always put myself in emotional trouble.
Last week after NYAA's meeting, I suddenly miss Judo so much.
It's really something that i enjoy doing, something that i am passionate about.
And with that someone special.
The feeling have been lost for long.
I want to join BA society,not because of any political factors,but simply I want to have that feeling back.
On the day of FOC, i really feel like the secondary school Judo days.
Moreover,the feeling is back.
All the best and smile.

Another Emo Post

If you are born to be a turtle,you are meant to carry the heavy shell for the rest of your life.
So it's human being.
You are forever who you are.
No matter how hard you tried, there is nothing you can change.
I thought that working hard can change one's destiny,
but i am wrong.
A totally wrong assumption.
Whenever that i am getting slightly closer to what i want,
i got beaten.
I am back to the square ones again.
The fact is life is too cruel.
How i wish i can be someone who have no worries about their rountine life?
How i wish i can be someone born with silver spoon?
I worked, I work and I have to continue working.
I am tired too,but i can't rest.
There is so much stress that is exerting on me.
It's driven me crazy.
Maybe i am too greedy.There are lots of people who don't even have the basics to live.
Their life are even at risk. At least I got the chance to live, I should be happy with that,right?
I hate struggling with life.
But that's what i am doing everyday.
I hate acting in my own life.
But I am always posing as another me in front of the others.
Not many people understand my situation.
Not many people care to understand my situation.
Anyway I am not a good soul.Maybe I did too many bad deeds, that's why I deserve to live this way.
If there is God, Can i ask God a question?
Why am I having such a hellish life?
Stop telling me it's a test that everyone of us have to gone through.
I have no more energy to withstand any blow.
If I die, will anyone miss me?

Disappointed!

I am so so so disappointed!
I thought that study harder can get me a better result.In the end,what's this?
I thought that at least I can get a GPA of 3.7 or above.But it falls to 3.5.
Far below my expectation.
Yes..I got AD,but no use.
The point is that I got a C+ and B, which pull me GPA down.
Disappointed.
Maybe I should really studyhard next sem.

I know my temper is getting bad.
I hate to have bad temper,but no choice.Things just make me so irritated.
Maybe that's one of the reason that I am still single and left on the shelf.
Money doesn't come easy.
You stand there for so long, with your feet tearing apart, with whatever nonsence you get from the captain or manager, you can only get $6 per hour.
One hour is only $6.
Today i suddenly feel like crying while I was working.
Those guest are so inconsiderate. Of course, they don't have to considerate.
They are the one who is paying you,why should they be considerate to you?
The world is very realistic. No money, no dignity.
I am trying all my best to save up to my target.
But it's hard.Time is limited and job is tiring.
I don't know whether i have the preserverance to make it through or not.
Maybe one day money is going to drop from the sky.
When is that day?
For now i know that money doesn't come easy.
My pathetic mother work so hard, exhausting out her health,yet we are still so poor.
Not everyone is born with silver spoon in their mouth.
Not everyone can anyhow spend their money without thinking.
At least, every cent of mine is a result of my hard work.Really hard.

I consider this year's chinese new year one of my happinest memory of all.
At least most contented one.
Firstly, some kind soul treated me dinner before Chinese new year.
Same person,but different place.
And this time round i didn't cry.
Last year i cried because the food is too spicy.haha.
I wish it could be the same for years and years.
(I am not being greedy)
Then I spent the entire night playing mahjong on new years' eve.
My luck is not good.
And who ever sit opposite of me are severely affected by my bad luck too..Haha.
Abigail's mother gave me a big ang po.
I am really blessed to have such a student like abi.
Her mum is always so nice to me.
Went Sheryl's house warming party with all the BTs.
Her house is at pineapple avenue.What a funny road name!
She invited a lot of people and i think her mother suffered a lot coz she gave each of us a $8 ang po.
No gambling,
as we are too afraid too lose.
Those seniors are really hard core gamblers.
Playing black jack with $2 notes.
Kung Fu dunk is a not bad with all the computer effects.
Chen Bo Lin is cool with his half drunk pose.
Maybe i should not blog everything in a post, it looks very irratating.
All the best for me in the new year.
I am going to work harder.Jia You.

Updates.

I have not been updating my blog for long.
Anyway i don't really have a regular audience,
so it doesn't matter.
Finally all the projects are over.Suffering from lack of sleep for the past few weeks.
Luckily determination pulled me through otherwise i will have to give many things.
I am approaching 19.
It's a very scary fact.
Seriously i got to learn something.
Learn to do something that i really enjoys.
Saturday I went for the BAOC subcom interview.
I have no idea why one of the interviewer burst out of laughter while i am being interviewed.
And then the guy beside him also start to laugh.
I was totally confused by their laughters.Who can tell me why???
Exams are coming and holidays are coming too.
I need to find a stable job.
Targeted income for this holiday;$2000.
No more banquet.I am sick of that.
I want to do something else,something new.
This holiday i want;
Take up dance lesson(exotic or booty);
Diving(provided i can find somewhere within my budget);or
Going for a holiday by myself(If i cannot find someone go with me,the i will go by myself).

Good luck for the coming exam.
I want a GPA of 3.9.
Bless me.

2 AM

It's almost 2 am yet I am still awake.
This is the first post that i have wrote since the new year begins.
Still not many readers,
and i am still nonchalant.
I will continue to write my emo post,
but i promise i will be more optimistic about my feature.
A lot of things to do in 2008.
Mugging, of course.
Learn to swim,
work
and diving.
The fact is i have to work before i can sign up for diving lesson.
And i also need to learn swimming too.
It's ok.
Nothing can stop me from learning diving.
Amazingly,sunday morning i went to library alone to study for 3 hours.
Within the 3 hours,I have read through magazines like the economist and Singapore economy review.
I must be crazy.
Next week I have to go back Raffles Hotel BBR to work.
Not a pleasant experience,
but no choice.
Money is in need.
All the best for the happy mugger.

Happy new year!

For the past two years, i have been celebrating Christmas with fellow txys.
This year i was alone.
They are still celebrating,
but not me.
I am the one who choose to run away from that circle.
No point regreting over it.
Year 2007 is a sucky year for me.
I screwed up many things.
No.I don't even have a thing in the first place.
I don't have much hope on year 2008,
coz if i am not going to change,
nothing is going to work.
Here are some of my new year wishes.
1.Change my attitude.Less arrogant and more optimistic.
2.Be more determined.Don't dwell over the past too much.
3.Learn a new skill.Eg.Swimming.
4.Study harder.GPA of at least 3.8.
5.Cheer up and have a more positive attitude in life.
6.Improvements in all the other aspects.
I have been turning my bio clock upside down for the past few days.
so it's today.
Happy new year.
Going to night safari in few hours to celebrate new year.

Stressed

I am so freaking stressed.
That's why i am still awake at this time.
Maybe someone can use a stick to knock me down,
or use some form of injection to put me to sleep
Staring in front of my lappy
not knowing what to do.
The only thing in my mind is stress.
IVP is coming.
I know i won't help NP much,
but in losing the competition only.
My results,
suck like hell.
Not to mention getting into my dreamy NUS.
I am just a talent-less failure.
Until know,
i still don't where are my strength and what are my dreams.
I am just a aimless wonderer.
Why can't i find my passion?
I know i am being negetive again.
While i hate it and it really drag me down.
But i just can't get rid of it.
If you are my friend,just ignore me.
I am going to lock myself in the room for days
and don't try to reach me until i release myself.
Bloody hell.
This fucking loser year is going to be over soon.
Will i be luckier next year?

A lof of things to say.
When one is free, one tend to think of a lot things.
Your past,your present and your future.
I am too proud of myself.
No.I have been too proud of myself.
That's why i never really sit down and reflect myself.
Too many things i have forgone.
My Judo,
My TXY,
My writing,
and my dream.

If i am start blogging,there must be something that i want to comment about.
Either i am having mood swings or pissed.
Those things that i am going to say may hurt you,
this shows you should not be reading my blog.
Being born with a bossy nature, i have to admit that i like to lead people.
I like to chart the direction for people,
instead of being lead by others.
If you are better,
i give the power.
I am willing to be led by you.
If not,that will be different case.

I proposed something,
this shows i want to organize it.
I want to make it happen.
I will be damn pissed if when you become the one informing me about it.
I am straight forward.
Though i try to act as a very typical BA student,
i cannot as i am still not fake enough.
Certainly i am not a nice girl who can have the line world peace as her motto.
If you want to have it,go ahead and organize it.
but the fact is that i won't go.
Or i will turn up with a black face.
I am arrogant,proud and dislikable.

Work and more work.
Study and more study.
My life is dull,so what?

感动。

看了一部电影，
有了一种好久不见的感动。
原来我还是那个我
一个会为电影哭，电影笑的我。
怀念的就是这种单纯的感动，
在这个世界迷失了好久，
差一点把自己都忘了。
电影的插曲很好听，
简单的旋律，
带着淡淡的悲伤。

爱情它在你的眼里
到底算是什么东西
为什么你总是一次次
把它当成是一种游戏
你说我像一块易碎的玻璃
你从不让我受任何打击
可为什么你总是一次次
把我变成了泪水的容器
你说什么 还爱着我
还当我是个笨女人么
虽然我曾经 曾经是你的
可你没有珍惜我
你说什么 还想要我
说这都是你的错
我的亲爱的 我要走了
就当我们从未遇见过。

Happy

Happy is a word that is rarely used by me,
but this few days i am really happy and feel very blessed.
Friday, i went to table tennis.
Only a handful of people is there.
I thought since Hui Xian is not coming,
there won't be anyone around to teach me or rather play with me.
Little did i expect Winson,who is my SCO for BAOC was willing to spend his time,
teaching me patiently.
So touched,well it motivates me to continue to go table tennis trainning.

The more exciting part is saturday.
I joined the interpoly amazing race.
I am not really interested in the first place,
but i just thought since i am interviewing for the sub com of IS club,
i should join some of their activities to show my active membership.
But it turnt out to be really fun.
I made a lot of friends.
Mostly malaysians
and some of them even thought that i am a malaysian.
Sean still don't believe that i am a chinese even until i reached home.
First time in my life,
i found that i can click with someone so well.
The unspoken words.
Hope to see him again.
Maybe something is going to happen,who knows?
Sunday's work in BBR is really tiring.
The number of champane that i poped that day exceed the bottles that i have poped for my entire life.
I am not going to work there again.
More event for this week.
Wed, dinner with those i dare friends.
Thus,IS club new subcom orientation.
Friday,table tennis.
Sat,Fun Buzz.Maybe i got to see them again
Sun,K box and meeting with my dears.
Let me just be a happy little girl

睡觉的感觉真好。
闭上眼睛，远离这个世界。
我真的只是个咔哩飞，
一个不重要的人。
少了我，谁也不会少块肉。
多了我，也没什么不一样。
如果我能一睡不醒，
那该多好。
就让公主永远的沉睡，
这样她就不用在担心。

倒霉，我就是倒霉
就知道老天我可能对我那么好，
让我开心那么多天。
我越开心，就越会有影响心情的事情发生。
我还能说什么呢？
我的确是个suay神。
那一天我才能摆脱倒霉的命运呢？
怪不得很多人都离我越来越远
我这么倒霉，
靠近我也会沾到衰气。

我的生活很想偶像剧，
不过是女主角没找的王子前的悲惨生活。
不同的是，女主角会找到王子，
拯救她们。
而我呢？
我要求不高，
我只要转转运，
告别衰气。